We need to be very careful about collapsing Wall Street so we don’t get crushed by Roof Street

Posted on shower thoughts first, they told me to bring it here. I should have thought of that first. Anyways here ya go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/levainletlive
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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What’s a Wall Street farmer’s favorite thing to invest in?

Corn Stocks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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now i understand why i hate The Wolf of Wall Street movie

they don’t make cents

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nxxwan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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What do you call an alligator that works on Wall Street?

An Investigator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IQSucks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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Why do the guys at wall street lean to one side?

They're mostly ana-lists

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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The Wall Street Journal gets it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orthros
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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The company's performance was so abysmal that it quickly became the joke of Wall Street.

They called it a laughingstock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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My friend who is a stock broker on Wall Street wants to open a florist shop...

He wants to stop and sell the roses!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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That bull statue out at wall street...

it really sym-bull-izes something.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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What kind of milk do they drink on Wall Street?

1%

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πŸ‘€︎ u/impulsive-ideas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2017
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Got my little brother while he was watching Wolf of Wall Street today.

He says "oh man, living that life would be intense"

I quickly respond with "No, that life would be in mansions not in tents"

A mighty sigh inevitably followed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sickladbro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2014
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Yesterday someone told me that whatever job I do at my bank isn't a fancy one, so I decided to do something about it.

I shifted my seat to look out of the window to stare at the wall directly across the street.

Imma wall street banker now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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A hearse is driving up a very steep street

A hearse is driving up a very steep street and once it gets near the top, the back door opens up and the coffin comes shooting out of the hearse and rolls down the street.

People are diving out of the way, cars are swerving, it’s chaos! By the time it reaches the bottom of the hill it has picked up a lot of speed and crashes into a wall surrounded by people.

The door pops open, the body sits up and says β€œDo you have anything to stop this coughin?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/countryroads8484
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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What is Donald Trump’s favorite news publication?

The Wall Street Journal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cloud707
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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House Fire

When I was a kid, my favourite thing ever was tractors. It was my first word, my first toy, I had posters of them on my bedroom walls and I loved to draw them too. Unfortunately with age I don’t quite have the same amount of passion nowadays. This all became relevant recently as there was this house fire on my street last week. My instincts told me to enter the house to save the family inside as the Fire Service hadn’t arrived yet. I was able to break down a door and actually clear all of the smoke from the house saving everyone inside. I escorted them out to be greeted by the Fireman who had just arrived. Puzzled, they asked how on earth I was able to clear all the smoke. I simply replied β€œI’m an extractor fan”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpecialBKay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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What do you call it when a bunch of tentacled sea creatures protest the financial industry?

Octopi Wall Street

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
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