Nice touch.
But when i came back i couldn’t find it. Where did my Van Gogh?
They're de-monet-ising his work.
Apparently, the robber stole some cash and a large frame, but as he was leaving he threw the large frame at a customer.
When the police showed up, the customer said,
“It wasn’t me! I’ve been framed!”
"Shooting isn't your cup of tea," he continued, "You better switch to archery."
They were framed.
Look at this photograph
Jenna Bush Hager interviews her dad (Bush 43) for an NBC special on the opening of his art exhibition at the Bush Presidential Library. About a minute in, he slips in a pretty good dad joke:
Jenna: Do these people know that you are painting them?
Bush: Sort of. There's no telling how these people are going to react. I think I told Tony [Blair] I was painting him and he sort of brushed it off.
Jenna: No 'art pun' intended.
Bush: That was definitely an art pun.
http://www.today.com/video/today/54864022#54864022
Edit: Grammar.
https://imgur.com/gallery/o6IZNXX
https://imgur.com/gallery/bWpJujh
My wife and I just had our first child! (Well, she had him and I stood there all supportive like) Gibson is 10 weeks old now and ready for meme glory. https://imgur.com/gallery/NOL14WO
She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.
Chip off the old block she is!
Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!
Quaran-teen
Source: My local mechanic, bless his heart
http://imgur.com/gallery/XYWedTN
http://imgur.com/gallery/LVgGlW7
My eyes nearly rolled out of my head.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
(I see that image posts aren't allowed in this sub but gosh darn it, I earned this one. I throw myself on your mercy, mods.)
(Edit: Amazing, thank you for the silver, gold, and the platinum reward of Reddit: long self referential chains of bad jokes.)
He responded, “Aisle B, Back”
Edit: wow first silver!!!! Thank you 🙏🏾 anonymous Redditor!
Edit2: my wife doesn’t use reddit. She’s thoroughly enjoying the responses to the joke in the joke jar she created for me and the silver (“whatever those are”). Happy Father’s!
Edit3: https://imgur.com/gallery/5G25Flw wife got me a nice gift 🎁
... but have you heard of the https://imgur.com/gallery/4AoWzzB ?
http://imgur.com/gallery/XgScS7E
Start 2020 off on the right foot.
https://imgur.com/gallery/6xrn4EV
https://imgur.com/gallery/TMpi7zN
A Ringle http://imgur.com/gallery/ee9reEZ
After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.
Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.
Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.
Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.
Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.
While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".
When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."
Today I found this one.
Edit: Wow, thanks for the positive responses. Here are some more notes from her. Thank you reddit, for making my girlfriend famous for a day, she quite enjoyed your comments after a hard day's work :)
They had reservations
http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8
This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.
Got my daughters with some quick thinking last night.
I was annoying my younger daughter with some fatherly banter when she complained, "Dad, can you NOT?"
To which I replied, "Yes, I can! I just take two bits of string and tie them together."
My bonus reward was the sound of my older daughter noisily expelling the big mouthful of drink she'd just had back into her cup, before laughing her head off.
My work here is done...
It worked well. The hot dogs were delicious.
Blatantly stolen from my Uncles Facebook page (link in comments):
Uncle: I'm proud of myself. Instead of goofing off this summer, I chose to go back to school and better myself. I enrolled in a course and have spent the past few weeks in intense study, finally passing the final exam today with a score of 100% - a score that I'm pretty sure they don't see too often. It's not often that I toot my own horn, but this time I think I really deserve it. Thank you to everyone who helped me achieve my goal!
Friend: Congratulations! What subject?
Uncle: It was Traffic School. Speeding ticket. The system wanted me to fail.
http://m.imgur.com/gallery/8FMv6d1
