Family is a relative term
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PTFCBVB
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I brought over the wrong pastries to my relatives' house for Christmas brunch

Now I'm stuck with a bunch of cross-aunts

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saltycook
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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What's the name of the relative who owns a shop that specializes in vintage items made from hardwood?

Aunt Teak.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EM_CEE_PEEPANTS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anyone know if doctors could take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn't a relative?

Ass skin for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigjambo1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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What are the relatives of the Invisible Man?

The transparents.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/charlieschisler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
At Thanksgiving this year I’m going to try to not show my disdain for my Vegan relatives.

They hate it when you have a beef with them. And last year they seemed offended when I gave them the bird.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4cml
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Mario use to contact his dead relatives?

A Luigi board

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kabukimansanjoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve just been informed that a distant relative left me a very expensive watch in his will.

I hope it’s not a wind up

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
So if time and space are both relatives...

Why don't they ever come to my birthday parties?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
We all have that on relative who breaks everything they touch. Mine is my...

Auntie Matter

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Who was Jesus’ least favorite relative?

His Auntie Christ

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SDM0102
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call relatives that sleep together?

Napkins.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MotherOfArk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives. I said, β€œAbsolutely not! No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact..."

"I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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When my friend won the lottery he was alarmed out how many relatives started contacting him...

It was heir raising.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the foot exclaim when it met its long lost relative?

Ankle!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dazzko
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
All my relatives suffer from incontinence.

You could say diarrhea runs in the family.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fsr_freak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
He’s not just my swole relative. He’s my pumped kin.
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shantotto11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m creating a new show about a leatherworker that goes crazy and murders his relatives

It’s called Awl in the Family

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives

I said, I don't hate your relatives, in fact, I like your mother in law a lot more than I like mine

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluetoken12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call your elderly male relative who’s always taking pictures?

Papa Razzi

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/42alj
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hiking in the mountains and was attacked by 10 relatives of the rabbit!

It was a hare-y situation, lemme tell ya.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Most of my relatives are police marksmen, except for my grandad who was a bank robber.

He died recently surrounded by his family.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm Caucasian but my wife's relatives are from Southeast Asia

It's easy to tell who my in-laws are when they are Hmong my family

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatdivide
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
In my family we only marry our relatives.

My dad married my mom, my uncle married my aunt, and my grandpa married my grandma, etc.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Who is the penguin’s favorite relative?

Antarctica.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doctaj5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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Albert Einstein once said that time is relative

I don’t remember anyone in my family named time

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AGC_Dylan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out that a distant relative of mine was a cannibal and ate 3 people.

That’s a lot to digest.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that there is a special motel room for relatives?

Suite home Alabama

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I've got a relative that's really good at stopping people sneezing..

My auntie, Histamine.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tastydoosh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating all her family and relatives.

I told her that’s ridiculous, I love your mother-in-law!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheeese9
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a distant relative of the leg?

His Ankle

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robo_Raptor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If time is relative

then why doesn’t it send me post cards

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronFist687
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Family members you don’t know very well are relative strangers.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaversRollOut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What would you call a place where toilets jump over your relatives

Johns Hopkins

PS:I came up with this myself but its probably shit anyway lol

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NawazJK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a piece of wood who's relative just died

MOURNING WOOD

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BTP1999
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to install a toilet relative to the wall?

Flush.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Which is the best relative to take to the club?

Aunts aunts aunts aunts aunts aunts.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/virtualdead
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gourd’s relatives?

Pump-kin.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Wife and I went to replace some flowers on a relative's grave today.

She tried to mention buying our own grave plots as we were leaving.

 

 

I told her that "This was the last thing I needed!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDinkus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

πŸ‘︎ 22k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Re_van
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating all her relatives...

I replied, β€œNo, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot more than I like mine.”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Noodleboy12313
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

πŸ‘︎ 192
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
🚨︎ report

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