Familial Puns

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"

They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.

Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.

Try this on for sighs.

I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.

It was the Green Arrow.

I was out looking at beds with the family.

Wife: "I really like this bed."

Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."

Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.

Sisters kids: Who? WHO?

Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!

cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other

Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas

We got joint problems

and not using commas

They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking

That's a moray.

We live in A flat.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

So now at every family funeral I ask , " Are you next , are you next ? "

The Doors.

We're more of a Waffle House.

One thing led to another, and the father and son get into a pretty heated argument.

The son stands up and storms off, headed to his room.

As he is going up the stairs, he yells down to his dad, "Jim Morrison is overrated!!!"

So, the dad screams back, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!?!?!"

I have 2 half sisters.

I know where to draw the line...

While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.

But I knew I’d end up with too much Thyme on my hands

They said it was a baaaaad joke

Very Sketchy People

I said "no we all seem to enjoy it!"

2000 lbs of soup goes along way.

A selfie

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma’s a pause at the end of a clause.

The cows were udderly awesome.

She was really empressed!

When my great granddad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my granddad, who then gave it to my dad, and one day, it will be mine.

It's our family hair loom. :D

Joint family.

A few hours later the plane lands in japan. The dad looks at his son and says "okinawa here"

I said, "we arson."

It is Wednesday, my dudes.

"Utah kin to me?"

Did Juneau we’re in the capitol city?

Namaste.

Orchid

That's just not how I roll.

It got so bad in the end, we had to take the bikes off him.

I told her, "your mother-in-law is way better than mine!"

They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking.

I said "NO, We all seem to enjoy it. "