She said to my wife, “Mommy, I don’t remember how to do a 2.”
So I yelled out, “You just sit on the potty and push!”
They both ignored me. So now you all get to appreciate my joke instead.
"It’s pasture bedtime!”
But I won’t letter!
Nothing and orange have completely different ending sounds.
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'.
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!
Anna 1 Anna 2
It was a shih tzu.
I think a traditional turkey would taste better, but it's her choice.
But it was arson
Dad: (grabs the cats paws and pushes them) Sorry, I'm pushing pause but it's not working!
Because he lived in a pen!
So very proud!
She told me she cantaloupe.
Her attitude stinks.
It won't happen again
I said you can in-choir!
I told her to call the cheerleading squad instead. Figured they might know the school spirit.
I said yes, the just uproot and leaf.
.. just so glad She's now finally independent.
She said ‘fast food’. I said ‘no, dummy... that would give them the runs... they eat nothing; they fast’
I would have a daughter
You Dont Know How It Peels
How did the janitor get the principal to love him? He swept her off her feet.
I told her not to slam The Doors in my house.
Their peeps!
I said, "That's A DORA BALL!"
I shook her hand. “It’s very nice to meet you! I’m Dad from Earth.”
she immediately responded, "50 cent"
it was rewarding because i could visibly see her internal groan at dumb dad joke, but then also self-horror that she was so quick to get the joke... win-win-win!!
“I like women, dad”
He replied with, “Lol same”
Pfizer vaccination on Friday night at a local CVS. The place was packed and there was an older couple there thanking everyone for getting vaccinated. When my wife and daughter got home they were telling me about how packed it was. My daughter mentioned the older couple and said that when they thanked her, they asked which shot she received. “Pfizer”, she said. The couple said, “Well we’re Moderna folks!” My daughter asked me why that mattered…. Well, I said… In 2 years, all of us Modera folks will have grown two heads and all of you Pfizer people will probably have four arms. My daughter then looks innocently at both my wife and I and said, “what about the people that got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?” My wife and I completely lost it… we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. My daughter started laughing too, but had no idea.
That hit the spot!
I told her she needed to listen to less cardiB and start doing more cardiO
Daughter: Knock knock
Me: Who’s there?
Daughter: Europe
Me: Europe who?
Daughter: No I’m not!
Proud papa right now
Her first name is Eileen.
He said I hope you take the rest of her too!!
"Your computer keyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
I asked him if he’s okay. He said, “Yeah, I’m great!”
It really hisses me off.
They just kept trying in vein!
I told her she didn’t have to finish her dinner.
She replied, “No dad, my name is full!”
She’s learning!
Puzzled she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?
I chuckled, "Well that means....its pasture bedtime. "
Where do pencils go for vacation?
“Pennsylvania!”
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
I gave her a wry "no".
Now she is independant.
