I told my parents I was bisexual
My dad asked, "so you like both men and women?"
I responded with, "yeah, but I'm not seeing anyone right now"
He said, "so you must be on stand-bi"
My parents found this while camping... someone has a good sense of humour
My parents always pushed me to get a big job. So i worked at a soda company just to sprite them.
Once I became a parent, I finally understood the . . .
scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions that he just dies.
MY PARENTS RAISED ME AS AN ONLY CHILD
THIS REALLY ANNOYED MY YOUNGER SISTER.
If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldn’t have a son anymore
My parents always said money couldn't by happiness...
Then I got Antidepressants
How do parents lose their kids in the mall?
Seriously, any tips are welcome
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
My parents told me today that my grandmother was Indian
I have a friend who loves computer programming but his parent wanted him to be a doctor. So he became a plastic surgeon.
Now he's a full rack developer.
Being a parent is hard - my son won't ever let me have a good night's sleep; so when my wife came home the other day and asked why I was so red...
I told her I was just completely sunburnt
When I was a kid, I accidentally caught my parents having SEX
These were the most awkward 40 minutes of my life
My parents were upset when I told them I wouldn't be taking over the family bakery.
That's just not how I roll.
When I was 15 my parents told me I was adopted.
And that I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
Why were your parents so honest with you growing up?
Beacuse they were trans-parents
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why.
He just looked at me and said,
"They're GREAT!"
So I brought my girlfriend home to meet my parents. She looks like my mum, sounds like my mum, even dresses like my mum..
Growing up, there was a time my parents couldn't pay the electric bill.
It was the darkest day of my life.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word...
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
Those parents must be nuts
Both of my parents don't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. They are both very honest and open people.
I guess you could say they're transparent.
With a dog, you have a glimpse into parenting.
With a cat, you have a glimpse into marriage.
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?
An Italian man loses his hands from bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor?
“Will my son able to speak again?”
Child walks past the parents bedroom, peaks inside and mumbles....
"And you want to send me to a psychologist for sucking my thumb."
My wife got really mad when I told her she had no sense of direction
She packed up her bags and right.
Do unfit parents have to exercise a lot to get their children back?
I've always had a difficult relationship with my parents.
When I was first born, I didn't speak to them for 2 years.
The inventors of the first successful aeroplane's parents were Asian
I guess two Wongs do make a Wright.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Learn from your parents mistakes....
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
What do you call an honest trans person with kids?
When I was a kid, my parents used to make me walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.
What do you call Batman's blood vessels?
As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents didn't allow it.
They said the sky is the limit.
You know you've failed as a parent....
....when you let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the table, infront of her kids.
Our friend Carlos got his car stolen last month.
My sister wanted to marry a postman
but our parents didn't letter.
A mother gave birth to a boy with a defect, he only had a head.
There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him.
On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink.
Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!”
His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink”
He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”
When I was 15, my parents told me that I was adopted....
......And I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
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