The baby was inapparent
Turns out, my house is pregnant.
"Your kid in me."
"Were the questions hard?" asked the second
She’s now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.
... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...
Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!
OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"
A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...
Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?
He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.
Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.
Finally, he could take it no longer...
"Bethany..." he said
"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".
This one seems to be lasting a maternity.
I told her don't worry about it, he came out of me first and it felt fine.
It was a dad-joke.
If you'd like to speak to a physician, dial 1... if you are currently in labor, dial 8...
Ooh, were the questions hard?
I think she's having contractions!
Last night while discussing our options and what could possibly happen, she said "I have such a gut feeling I'm pregnant" and gave me the slyest look I've ever seen.
is because it's so much harder to give birth to a teenager.
After all, I provided the seed money.
"A-maize-ing!" I exclaimed.
I was asked to stop laughing because I was "causing a scene."
She was just ovary acting.
When are they planning, to call in that order for delivery or is it going to be takeout?
Well, duh, that's a no-brainer ( sorry to all those that took offense )
They'd use a condominium
My wife is 30 weeks pregnant. When she got up from the couch, she winced in pain. Being the caring husband that I am, I asked what was wrong. She responds with "oh just round ligament pain". She glared when I asked how her square ligaments were doing.
My fiancee turned to me when we found out. Her comment: "Well, fuck. Wait, that's what got us into this mess in the first place."
...She's gonna make a great dad.
He replied "Of course they do! Not having sex for the entire 9 months would feel like 'a lifetime.'"
I ask my sister how her pregnancy is going. My dad interrupts, "Swell!"
In the kitchen today
Bro: "Just went looking for paper towel"
Me: "Uhmmm ok"
Bro: Pulls Bounty brand paper towels from behind his back with a stupid grin "Guess that makes me a Bounty hunter"
Woman - "I had to be in bed for three months with my feet up."
My dad - "That's probably how you got pregnant."
Dad: Do you know how old your grandmother was when she had me?
Me: 16 right?
Dad: She had your aunt at 16, had a miscarriage and then gave birth to me at 17. You could say that she was a..(small pause).. busy beaver.
Ensue lengthy, full hearted laugh from him. Eye roll from me.