Okay I know the title sounds bad, but here’s some backstory. My husband and I have struggled with my infertility for awhile. It’s a really tough pill to swallow, but I am very open to talking about it and educating people about it, especially IVF. Without IVF, my miracle baby would not be here. I have a less than 1% chance of getting pregnant without intervention (IVF, etc.) Though I have a newborn, pregnancy announcements and baby showers still hurt. Infertility trauma is real. Enter my older sister. She has a 1 year old and is expecting another baby soon. She always “casually” mentions how easy it is for her and her husband to get pregnant, and that it never takes as long as she expects to get pregnant. As we were doing our first round of IVF, she would always ask my husband and I if we were prepared for a miscarriage. The first time she did this, I was shocked. But every time we would see her, she would ask to make sure I was “prepared.” Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think anyone could ever be prepared for a miscarriage or to lose a child. Not to mention, IVF and infertility puts me at NO higher risk for miscarriage. Well we have been preparing for another round of IVF, and once again, the question of whether or not I was “prepared for a miscarriage” has come up a few times again. Finally, I got fed up with it and asked if she was prepared for a stillbirth. My husband thinks I was a complete asshole and was just kinda shocked at me. So my question is, AITA for asking my sister if she was prepared for a chance of stillbirth?
Edit to add: I have told her that I really don’t appreciate those comments for multiple reasons. I don’t think anybody would like those comments, though I don’t believe she was “wishing” a miscarriage on me, and I wasn’t “wishing” a stillbirth on her. As stated, I have no higher chance than a perfectly fertile woman. She is also healthy and has had no health or pregnancy concerns. Lastly, and probably most importantly, I asked her how one could prepare for a miscarriage. She had no response for that. I don’t think you can sit there and prepare for a miscarriage, just like I never prepared myself for my infertility diagnosis. It just kind of happens, if that makes any sense. Thanks for all y’all’s responses! Happy holidays!
I am so happy that both she and the babies are okay. It was a very high risk pregnancy and she was on bed rest in the final weeks. We will never forget the babies we lost but we are so grateful for this chance.
I'm 37 weeks so not far from my due date now. For some reason, I have started worrying intensely about my baby not surviving. Every time I don't feel him move for a little while, I start to panic, and it feels like all the birth prep I have done has gone out of the window as I start thinking of all the things that could go wrong. This is my first pregnancy and I have never had a miscarriage or stillbirth, so I'm not sure where this is coming from. I think it's because I am seeing very many stories of stillbirths being shared on social media, and they absolutely terrify me. I have had a hard life and get a sense of unease when things are going "too well", like something bad is about to happen, and now this feeling has attached itself to my upcoming birth. It feels like getting and staying pregnant were too easy and now I'm about to pay for it. Can anyone relate and does anyone have any tips?
How have you coped with going back to work? My son was stillborn with no cause found at 39 weeks. My boss ordered me back to full time in the office 6 weeks later. A woman in the office who gave birth a week after I did started bringing her baby to work a week after I returned. I shut my door but I can still hear her baby when she cries. My boss has referred to my son’s death as “your baby thing” in conversation and recently our paralegal made several extremely insensitive comments as well. I feel like I’m going crazy. They just act like it never even happened. Like my little boy wasn’t even real. I don’t know how to keep showing up there day after day when I’m in hell.
Hi! Just wanted to see if there was anyone who is trying after a stillbirth? How long did you wait and what was the doctor recommendation? My doctor recommended to wait almost 9-10 months before I start trying again.
We lost our son recently at 40 weeks and 1 day. Pregnancy was perfect with zero issues or possible concerns. I had even had a non stress test done 2 days before as I had gone in thinking my water had broken, but it didn’t. The following day I had my usual weekly check up and there was a clear and strong heartbeat. We had no idea anything was wrong until I went into labour (on his due date where he was moving around just hours before) and checked in at the hospital where the nurse was unable to find his heartbeat. He was perfect when he was born.
We are awaiting the results for possible causes but I’m wondering if anyone had a similar scenario and has been given a cause they’d be comfortable sharing? Thanks in advance.
Hey mums 💕
I'm in my third trimester with my third pregnancy. My first two pregnancies ended with loss... With my second one a full term unexplained still birth just a few days past my due date..
My MFM is recommending a 38 week induction. This greatly reduces my risk of reoccurrence (my risk of still birth will be LESS than it was with my son by inducing this early).
I'd love to hear from other mums that too have endured a still birth and had an early planned induction, what their experience was like and if they wish they had done anything different. I'm also a little unsure about a 38 week induction just because it will take more time and drugs to get my body ready to deliver... I'm wondering if 39 weeks would be better (might be further dilated/better cervical softening).. that's if mentally I can hold out that long (there's no safe date for me, I'm noticing the closer I get to the end the more anxious, emotional I get -- Ugh a lot of trauma is resurfacing)
Would love to hear your thoughts/experience on this as I start to think about L&D.
💙💓
Tw: pregnancy loss/stillbirth
Hi friends,
I experienced the loss of my son at 26 weeks about a month ago and had to also deal with pre-eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome. The OB I was seeing at the time, the day we discovered kiddo had no heartbeat, was talking about me having PCOS and diabetes (I've never been diagnosed with either of these things, my periods have always been clockwork) and how I should lose weight. Granted at the time, I was trying to process what happened and was half listening to her but this is what I gleaned from what she told me. Not great timing either way imo.
At the hospital when they were inducing labor, the doctors there said it's something that just happens randomly, it wasn't my fault and the loss was caused by the pre-eclampsia/HELLP.
I guess in the end, I'm curious how much my weight contributed to what happened. Right now I'm 36 years old, 5'8 and about 285 lbs when I got pregnant, shot up to 315ish in the last weeks pretty quickly after maintaining my weight for most the pregnancy (I think due to all the swelling I experienced). The pregnancy up til then was fine; NIPT was fine, anatomy scan was fine. I'm back to about 285 now.
My OB says my next pregnancy will be high risk and emphasized losing weight at my first follow up appointment where all they did was take my blood pressure and tell me to lose weight. I do plan to do this, but I know sometimes weight automatically becomes the go to explanation for doctors. I do want to lose weight for general health but would that make my next pregnancy less risky? I'm hoping to get other input from people. Thanks in advance.
Hello everyone. I'm back again to share our story and some feelings, if that is alright. My wife and I experienced what none of us should have to back in October. Our son was had succumbed to a uterine infection that none of us could have seen and was stillborn at 29 weeks. It hasn't been easy, dealing with the grief process and trying to find a new normal, but we have been really trying.
Fast forward to today. My wife was worried about having an irregular period since we're only 2 months postpartum, and she was supposed to start her period yesterday and didn't. I casually mentioned a pregnancy test without thinking about it, because again... trying to find that new normal and act like we had before. She took me seriously and asked me to go get one. I was hesitant, but I did because she seemed concerned. The first test gave us an error, so she takes a second and it's positive. She asks me to get another, so I go back and get a different one. Those both also came back positive. I wanted to be excited, but it seems like neither of us can muster the same joy or excitement from the first pregnancy. It's just fear. We are calling the doctor in the morning to schedule their test and first appointment, but it just doesn't feel real.
I'm terrified of what will happen, I am terrified of an early term miscarriage and what it would do to my wife and I, and I'm even more terrified of the same thing happening to us in the third trimester. My wife doesn't want to tell any family out of fear she might jinx it and would even go so far as to wait until we actually have a baby to bring home. I know many of us have suffered through some terrible things, and I only ask that if you have been through something like this... did you ever get excited? Was there a point where you actually let yourself be happy with the new life while still grieving the lost one? Thank you all in advance.
Next Phase of COVID Tyranny: Increase in Stillbirth Rates in Vaxxed Mothers Dismissed by Canadian Health Minister https://freeworldnews.tv/watch?id=61b3d41026499015c5d17966
TW: mention of living children
I am fresh into this, only a week, but the thought of a future pregnancy brings me a little bit of hope in this time. I lost him at 37 weeks.
I’m curious when your periods returned after your birth.
I EBF my older two children so I didn’t get my period back for awhile with either of them. I pumped a little this time, because it felt right to have some of the milk my body made for him, but it’s already drying up. I’m already done bleeding. 9 months and it’s like it never happened.
Hi there. I lost our son to full term stillbirth (40 weeks) 6 weeks ago. Is anyone comfortable sharing when they got their period back again? I know that I can expect it to come back anytime as I didn’t breastfeed and also took the medication to stop my milk from coming in after labour.
I know it’s different for everyone and may not come back consistently but appreciate anything you can share. I feel like I have no control over anything these days, and really just want to focus on my body healing and going back to “normal”.
Also - I’m so sorry to all of you for your losses of your children. This is a group I never thought I’d be a part of. From my broken heart to yours, I’m thinking of all of you. Xo
Hi Moms,
My sister just experienced a miscarriage/stillbirth (she's 21 weeks with baby #3 and there's no heartbeat). I have very little other information; I just got a text from her asking me to inform our parents. While on the phone with my Dad's wife, I heard how wrong "[sister] lost the baby" sounded - it sounded like someone blaming her. I have Googled briefly (this literally just happened), but I feel like nothing is a substitute for asking actual other moms: how can we refer to this sensitively when talking to her or others? Does anyone have any suggestions? She told me via text that she can't say the words out loud right now, so we have a window of time to get our shit together before we talk to her directly, and I want to make sure we don't say or do anything to add to her pain. Any help very much appreciated.
My daughter's heartbeat was lost just six days before her scheduled delivery. She was 38 weeks, and was delivered via c-section. My husband wants to plan for the future, and I seem to want to wallow in my grief. We are 3.5 months after our loss.
I had a difficult pregnancy. I had hyperthyroidism and hyperemesis gravidarum. I was hospitalized for a week due to these complications at week 16 of my pregnancy. I had a PICC line feeding me nutrients and 14 bags of potassium pumped into me with who knows how many saline bags and banana bags. My husband came to visit me every day, following COVID restrictions. He's amazing, and so, so supportive. During this time, I didn't know if we would need to terminate the pregnancy or not. I was so scared. She was wanted, planned, and loved. (Still is.)
After the hospital, I was bed ridden for two months. It was so physically and mentally demanding to force myself to eat jello and pudding after months of throwing everything up, including water. My hygiene, physical strength, and mental health all suffered greatly. Still my husband supported me and took care of me. He picked up my medications, rubbed my feet, brought me food and water, and kept me company when I was wanting it. He also took me to every appointment (there were many) and took over household chores. All while working a new job. He's incredible and steadfast- I cannot express that enough. Our love is strong.
After a long battle, my hyperemesis faded. So too did the hyperthyroidism. Suddenly it was all okay. Things were fine. It was so strange to have an appetite again and have my biggest worry being putting lotion on my growing belly. Surreal, even. I was human again.
And then she died.
For no reason.
Out of the blue. Six days before her scheduled delivery date (she was breech).
You all know the immense, inconsolable feelings of that loss. I don't need to explain that devastation. But within two weeks, my husband started talking about trying again, or surrogacy, or adoption. He didn't want to see constant reminders of her within four weeks. I stopped sleeping with her blanket, and tried to make it easier on him in those small ways. I cry easily now, and I tried to start limiting how much I cried around him.
Eventually, we started having heart to hearts about our future plans. I said to give me a year before committing to another child (in whatever way: conception, adoption, etc.). But we've found as the weeks have turned into months that we are in differ
... keep reading on reddit ➡Hi, I’ve never posted before but desperate for hope. I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl, Lola Rayne on 10/25/21. She was born sleeping and our world absolutely shattered. We just got our autopsy back and it seems like she was very anemic due to a silent placenta tear. I had no bleeding or any signs. Our check-up two days earlier was perfectly normal. We are hoping to get pregnant as soon as we can. Has anyone had a term stillbirth and had a successful pregnancy after? We want to try again in March/ April. Hoping that’s not too soon? We are desperate for our baby and dream of the day we can bring our baby home. Looking for anyone who has any advice or stories similar and got pregnant again after loss. We feel so alone in this awful situation. There is so little research on stillbirth. We are still in such shock.
Thank you
https://twitter.com/VCHhealthcare/status/1463313932576178180
1: There is no truth to this claim and the individuals spreading this false information have no affiliation to either LGH or VCH. There has been no notable change to the incidence of stillbirths in the VCH region throughout the COVID-19 pandemic.
2: This type of disinformation adds unnecessary stress to expecting parents who have received a COVID-19 vaccine, on health-care staff who must reassure their patients, and on the health-care system, as resources are stretched further during the ongoing pandemic response.
3: COVID-19 vaccines are safe and recommended for both mother and fetus. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) Nov. 19 Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report found that implementing evidence-based COVID-19 prevention strategies...
4: ...including vaccination, is critical to reduce the impact of COVID-19 on stillbirths.
5: Another study published last week in the New England Journal of Medicine found no evidence of an increased risk for early pregnancy loss after COVID-19 vaccination. It adds to the findings from other research supporting COVID-19 vaccination during pregnancy.
📷
I don't know where to start. Indian and Muslim female. My mother is the worst malignant narcissist and has destroyed several lives. Growing up in India as youngest child in a family of five - 2 older brothers, I knew how I unwanted I was from her. She would encourage my brothers to study, read, educated themselves whereas I was always discouraged by her. She would say "Look at me I am uneducated and still made a great life ( she married my dad who is a dr)" to push her point that education and employment is useless for women.
I was sexually abused too several times by her cousin and by my own brothers ( At ages 5, 11 and 14) Both my brothers are 3 and 4 years older than me.
When I got married and left my mother was relieved. My dad is a good man but he has no voice in front of her. She cut us off from all extended family. We dont speak to any of our uncles, aunts, cousins because of her. She created stress and jealousy between us siblings pitting us all against each other, especially the two brothers. The worst for me is her jealousy for any love between me and my dad. She cannot take it and has created misunderstandings when she could.
When I lost my first born at 8th mo of pregnancy, my mother was elated. She was trying to act sad but was visibly happy. I got swayed by sudden positive attention from her and ended up inviting her when I had a second baby from was very very high risk pregnancy and the baby was premature too. After my surgery my parents literally fought with me on the 2 nd day for silly and stupid reasons such as why did you not do this and that during the pregnancy etc.
My milk dried up from stress and I could not nurse my baby. I spent the next 4-5 years in severe depression and OCD where I kept blaming myself. My husband tells me that I could not take it that my parents are so bad and thats why I wanted to blame myself and guilt myself.
Anyways, on a parallel note my mother was also busy destroying my brothers' marriages. She fought, got insecure and literally drove a wedge between the brothers and their wives. Not to mention both brothers had several previous broken engagements and marriages. Both brothers are very educated but they could see the situation for what it is very late. In fact they hated me always because of what my mum would feed into their minds. My older brother, a doctor, got married for the 3rd time to a female from another country but approved by my parents. He had been NC with me for 4 years at this point
... keep reading on reddit ➡Just a little vent. To be upfront, I had a 41 week 2 day stillbirth. I lost my daughter during delivery. I am currently 23 weeks pregnant. When I had my loss last year I did not post on this forum but rather the babyloss Reddit. Not everyone however knows that it exists. The loss groups also have a different format where you can’t make individual posts. Therefore very few people see your comment or respond to you in the mega thread. So I understand the posts about loss put on the pregnancy Reddit.
Lately, I have seen posts stating that loss posts are causing anxiety and they want the mods to not allow them. I believe this to be ridiculous and immature. Not everything pregnancy is rosey. Sometimes people could even learn from these posts about how to advocate for themselves (in my case because of medical negligence) others not to ignore decreased movement, even what to do if you have multiple losses such as the use of progesterone.
I know that the subject can be touchy but this forum should be there for you during all stages of pregnancy. Not only the good times. Just wanted to say that as it’s been making me angry. I’m sure that the comments are triggering to those who want nothing else but to get their story out there and to feel loved and supported. Not everyone had the great support network I had during my loss. This group may be their only support.
I do know that people don’t mean harm by the posts but soo many women have had losses that I feel they may be hurt by them. Many have not posted but it does not mean it hasn’t happened. Seeing these posts can make them feel more connected, like they are not the only ones.
Update Wow. I can’t believe I received soo many comments. It’s nearly impossible to react to all so please see below.
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I hope I did not offend. I find anxiety over loss posts valid. They trigger me as well! But I still read them because I know how much all I wanted was to be able to tell someone my story and be heard. It’s not as easy telling people out in the world about your trauma as strangers on the internet
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Thank you for those who have either shared losses or aid how a post helped them see signs of potential loss. I know it’s probably uncommon but if even one baby is saved from knowing sings of distress that’s great! Most of the time there isn’t a sign so when there is it’s great to be able to advocate.
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For those who don’t know, a lot of loss groups discourage or do not allow talk of current pregnancies or living
