I identify as a man, my birth certificate says I’m a man, everybody I know says I’m a man...
and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
My wife's home birth went miserably...
I guess you could say there was a midwife crisis.
In a beehive, after the queen bee gives birth to the little baby bees, which bees are responsible for feeding the babies?
I visited the birth place of the guy who invented the toothbrush.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Both of my parents don't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. They are both very honest and open people.
I guess you could say they're transparent.
A women gave birth in the car
Her husband named the kid Carson
What do you call it when a Gun gives birth to a Monkey
A Chimp off the old Glock
What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
What do you call a sheep of noble birth?
She gives birth at the hospital entrance.
My wife gave birth to our baby boy otw to the hospital...
What would it be called the Birth of Jesus if they were all cats?
How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?
She gave him a weigh in a manger.
How do whales give birth?
Scientists developed a male birth control gel but it only targets the X/Y chromosome
Theyre calling it "Son-Block"
My daughter's birth wasn't a delivery...
A Japanese zoo just celebrated the birth of a baby elephant
Before that nobody addressed the elephant in the womb.
Our cow just gave birth and she's been sleeping better...
now that she's de-calf-einated.
What do you call an invisible mom who was assigned male at birth?
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.
Did you hear about the mexican fireman whose wife gave birth to two sons?
He called them Jose and Hose B......
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
How does a nurse greet a mother about to give birth?
Labor & delivery at your cervix!
I showed a picture of a sheep giving birth to some kids and asked if they knew what animal it was.
My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
If you’re a simp and your wife gives birth to two boys, what do you get?
Where do crustaceans go to give birth?
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond.
Our birth coach just cancelled, my wife is due any day now, and we're freaking out!
We're having a midwife crisis.
Four men are sitting in a hospital waiting room because their wives are all giving birth,
A nurse comes up to the first man and says, “Congratulations! You are the proud father of a pair of twins!”
“That’s funny...” the man said, “I work for Twin Peaks!”
Another nurse comes into the room and goes to the second man and says, “Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to triplets!”
“That’s funny...” the second man said, “ I work for the 3M company!”
Yet another nurse comes into the room and says to the third man, “Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to quadruplets!”
“That’s so funny...” said the third man, “I work at the Four Seasons Hotel!”
The last man is groaning and whining in obvious agony, “What’s wrong?” the other men ask.
“I work at Seven Eleven.” He replied.
Happy Fathers Day!
While giving birth to a set of twins, the mother losses consciousness.
The doctor called in the woman’s brother from the waiting room and asked if he would like to name the children. The brother agrees.
When the mother wakes up, the doctor informs her that her brother has named the children while she was unconscious.
She said “Oh no... my brother is an idiot. What did he name the kids?”
The doctors replied “Well, the girl’s name is Denise!”
“Oh, that’s not so bad! And the boy?”
“Denephew”
Made my first dad joke in awaiting my wife to give birth.
Back story... sitting in the garden, social distancing bbq. One of our mates has a baby who was looking for food and such. I came out with a pack of skips crisp. Baby’s mum said ‘gotta be careful, it’s got salt in it’,
To my amazement I said ‘ they contain salt!’
To which my partner replies... why do u think there so addictive’
With out thinking i spluted’ so if I put salt on my dick it will be ad-dick-tive!
No one laughed but me.
My kids were watching a show about identical twins re-united after being separated at birth, and in disbelief that they were wearing matching outfits when they met up.
I said, well, they do have the same genes.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
When a cow gives birth
Then it’s de-calf-inated.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle once removed.
Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger
He is reportedly in a stable condition
My wife gave birth to our son in our car on the way to the hospital
A dad's wife gave birth in a car
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
How do mermaids give birth?
What do you call a cow that just gave birth.
My wife recently gave birth on the way to the hospital.
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