Womb Puns

"BOOM?!"

“Ight, ima head out”

Wife: "you should probably read this when I am done so we can be on the same page."

Me: "how will we be on the same page if you've already finished the book?"

I think I already have this dad stuff down.

He turns to me and says " Well, there's always womb for improvement."

It's infantant.

Because of the amnesia-atic fluid.

>Guaranteed current dad and soon to be grandpa joke as I just overheard my dad inform my brother and his pregnant wife.

I’m afraid it’s fetal.

Her name was Pre-oncé

Fetus

Okay lets be clear this is more of a Mom joke, but it is a Dad joke of a Mom. Now that's out of the way I was over at my friend's house, his parents are pretty funny and this joke is about his parent and not mine own.

So my friend has a four year old sister and she was mad because she couldn't have soda, so she threw a four year old fit. Her dad comes up to her and tells her she can have a cup of water. She starts crying and yells "I am going to my Womb", as four year olds can't pronounce Rs. Her Mother appears from her room and screams "Hey once you're out, you're out. There is no coming back in" The Dad who was doing his poker face breaks and starts crying laughing, so does everyone else but the daughter who just looks confused. After a few seconds we calm down and she says it again and storms off, as we chuckle.

“thank you for your cervix.”

A heavily pregnant woman walks into a bar in the middle of summer and orders a big glass of ice water. "Boy it's a scorcher out there," she says to the bartender. "Sometimes I wonder if it is too hot for the little guy in here." "Oh I wouldn't worry about it," the bartender replies. "It's probably just womb temperature."

You get a womb with a view.

Because he was a terrible womb-mate.

She noticed a blanket and asked if it was womb temperature. I laughed and thought she’d make a great dad one day while my wife tried to not smile

I was running out of womb.

There was no womb in the inn.

It only feels like a maternity

Before that nobody addressed the elephant in the womb.

“Nah, it’s probably womb temperature!"

So they make sure it’s set at womb temperature.

Womb raiders

She said she had womb to spare.

They think there's always womb for improvement.

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

In her mother's womb.

that our baby was in his one womb apartment.

The living womb

If I’m being objective, it is Dr. Whom.

After all, it always costs more for a womb with a view.

It was the elephant in the womb.

I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.

So I asked her if I could go play in the kids' womb.

He said he didn't want to talk about the elephant in the womb

Friends Wife: I wonder if its really hot in there for the baby? Me: It's likely womb-temperature.

My proudest moment of 2013 and had to share!

Me: "Of course it will get bigger"

Her: "Oh, why do you think that?"

Me: "Because, your body will upgrade from a queen size womb to a king size womb"

Wombs-To-Go

They wanted to go back to being womb-mates

“BOOM”

I hope that blew your minds

Then shouldn’t bomb be pronounced as “boom?”

It just feels like a maternity

I said, “Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.”

I said, “Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.”