Uterus Puns

It was immaculate contraception

My friend says, did y'all know that in Australia they have a store called yute-r-us?

Wombs-To-Go

It was ovary-acting

Look, sometimes you have to call a spayed a spayed.

Brother in law, "you know our twins have already said their first words?" Sister, "Oh?" Brother in law: "Yeah... we're hungry, fetus!"

... I think there was even groaning in the uterus...

We were talking about her cat and it went something like this:

Me: Is your cat spayed?
Her: Yep, poor Tubbie (the cat's name) has no uterus.
Me: Really? I thought they would have just tied her tubes instead of giving her a full "Hiss-terectomy"
Her: Groans for days

I am not yet a dad but one day I think I'll be decent at it.

Edit: formatting

My wife has been keeping me updated on her progress and told me, "It's 12 weeks today and my uterus moved!"

I asked, "Did you get the security deposit?"

Dad sent a text telling me my aunt was having a "historectomy" . I told it was spelled with a "y". He said I like my spelling more because her uterus is history!