My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
What would it be called the Birth of Jesus if they were all cats?
My wife gave birth to our baby boy otw to the hospital...
How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?
She gave him a weigh in a manger.
How do whales give birth?
What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
Scientists developed a male birth control gel but it only targets the X/Y chromosome
Theyre calling it "Son-Block"
My daughter's birth wasn't a delivery...
A Japanese zoo just celebrated the birth of a baby elephant
Before that nobody addressed the elephant in the womb.
What do you call an invisible mom who was assigned male at birth?
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
Our cow just gave birth and she's been sleeping better...
now that she's de-calf-einated.
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.
Did you hear about the mexican fireman whose wife gave birth to two sons?
He called them Jose and Hose B......
How does a nurse greet a mother about to give birth?
Labor & delivery at your cervix!
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
I showed a picture of a sheep giving birth to some kids and asked if they knew what animal it was.
If you’re a simp and your wife gives birth to two boys, what do you get?
My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
Where do crustaceans go to give birth?
What do you call a cow that just gave birth.
Our birth coach just cancelled, my wife is due any day now, and we're freaking out!
We're having a midwife crisis.
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond.
My kids were watching a show about identical twins re-united after being separated at birth, and in disbelief that they were wearing matching outfits when they met up.
I said, well, they do have the same genes.
Four men are sitting in a hospital waiting room because their wives are all giving birth,
A nurse comes up to the first man and says, “Congratulations! You are the proud father of a pair of twins!”
“That’s funny...” the man said, “I work for Twin Peaks!”
Another nurse comes into the room and goes to the second man and says, “Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to triplets!”
“That’s funny...” the second man said, “ I work for the 3M company!”
Yet another nurse comes into the room and says to the third man, “Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to quadruplets!”
“That’s so funny...” said the third man, “I work at the Four Seasons Hotel!”
The last man is groaning and whining in obvious agony, “What’s wrong?” the other men ask.
“I work at Seven Eleven.” He replied.
Happy Fathers Day!
What did the linguist say when her daughter gave birth?
Made my first dad joke in awaiting my wife to give birth.
Back story... sitting in the garden, social distancing bbq. One of our mates has a baby who was looking for food and such. I came out with a pack of skips crisp. Baby’s mum said ‘gotta be careful, it’s got salt in it’,
To my amazement I said ‘ they contain salt!’
To which my partner replies... why do u think there so addictive’
With out thinking i spluted’ so if I put salt on my dick it will be ad-dick-tive!
No one laughed but me.
While giving birth to a set of twins, the mother losses consciousness.
The doctor called in the woman’s brother from the waiting room and asked if he would like to name the children. The brother agrees.
When the mother wakes up, the doctor informs her that her brother has named the children while she was unconscious.
She said “Oh no... my brother is an idiot. What did he name the kids?”
The doctors replied “Well, the girl’s name is Denise!”
“Oh, that’s not so bad! And the boy?”
“Denephew”
How do we know Richard Pryor wasn’t a virgin birth?
On Father's Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.
He said it was his pleasure.
What do you call a Hindu God taking birth as lightning McQueen
Why don't female seahorses give birth?
Because they think it's best for a manta rays kids.
Shania Twain has given birth to a baby boy.
Choo Choo, was born at 3:30pm today weighing 6lb 8oz.
Did you hear about the new topical birth control medicine?
They’re calling it Sonblock.
Birth control should be the actual name used for delivery
My wife gave birth to our child today. Everything went well, the baby is healthy and I'm very happy
If you're here looking for a punchline, you probably won't find it. This was just about the delivery
"Hey honey did you hear they came out with a male birth control cream?"
It's being marketed as Son-block.
They have a new birth control pill for men that's the size of a small pebble.
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle once removed.
Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger
He is reportedly in a stable condition
My wife gave birth to our son in our car on the way to the hospital
A dad's wife gave birth in a car
How do mermaids give birth?
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
My wife recently gave birth on the way to the hospital.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
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