Pregnancy puns, it's all about the delivery...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chiphophooray
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Bought a home pregnancy test.

Turns out, my house is pregnant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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A Girl takes a pregnancy test, mortified, she looks her boyfriend, dead in the eyes, and says...

"Your kid in me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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What's an alternative name for a pregnancy test ?

Maybe Baby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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2 blondes talking. "I had a pregnancy test today" says the first.

"Were the questions hard?" asked the second

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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I got my wife 4 pregnancy tests and they all came back positive

She’s now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Gerald, a young bull elephant was using the bathroom at his girlfriend's Bethany's apartment when he noticed one of those little pregnancy test things, tucked behind the cupboard...

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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My wife and I are currently due our third, and I don't remember the other pregnancies being this long.

This one seems to be lasting a maternity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediWithBenefits
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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During her first pregnancy my wife was concerned with how much labor was going to hurt.

I told her don't worry about it, he came out of me first and it felt fine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anynamethatworks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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A man pranks his wife about his pregnancy.

It was a dad-joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greedygoyem
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Your first name can highly influence your chances for pregnancy.

Like a Sophia has higher chance of getting pregnant in comparison of an Andrew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/markandor_001
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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You have reached the pregnancy hotline...

If you'd like to speak to a physician, dial 1... if you are currently in labor, dial 8...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/profgarden
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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I've just done a pregnancy test!

Ooh, were the questions hard?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nihilman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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She definitely bulked up during the pregnancy. /r/Showerthoughts/comment…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAmpersand
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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Near the end of my wife's pregnancy she suddenly began yelling out "can't!", "won't!", "shan't!", "mustn't!", and suddenly it dawned on me..

I think she's having contractions!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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I think the biggest reason teen pregnancies get such a bad rap

is because it's so much harder to give birth to a teenager.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarmaChameleon306
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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How can a simple spelling mistake lead to a lost pregnancy?

Pregnot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisCGCToo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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My girlfriend and I are having a pregnancy scare, and she's better prepared to be a father than I am.

Last night while discussing our options and what could possibly happen, she said "I have such a gut feeling I'm pregnant" and gave me the slyest look I've ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArranMars
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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What do programmers call an unplanned pregnancy?

Fetal error.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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I have felt heavily invested in my wife’s pregnancy ever since she first told me.

After all, I provided the seed money.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pikkel_Greenbeard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:

Oh, varies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noahep22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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According to my wife's pregnancy app, our unborn child is the size of an ear of corn.

"A-maize-ing!" I exclaimed.

I was asked to stop laughing because I was "causing a scene."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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My girlfriend tried to trick me with a pregnancy scare.

She was just ovary acting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jefuchs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
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What do you call yourself after your third unexpected pregnancy in three years? imgur.com/V29vTRO
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maestayed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2015
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My sisters having some pregnancy complications, unsure if it's going to be a natural delivery or a c section. My dad dropped this one.

When are they planning, to call in that order for delivery or is it going to be takeout?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RalphJameson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
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What happens after wife's pregnancy

gnancy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lionel10messi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
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"Microcephaly can be diagnosed during pregnancy or after the baby is born." ~ CDC

Well, duh, that's a no-brainer ( sorry to all those that took offense )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allfluffnostatic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
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How would two skyscrapers stop an unwanted pregnancy from happening?

They'd use a condominium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaenysSeregaryen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
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Pregnancy hurts

My wife is 30 weeks pregnant. When she got up from the couch, she winced in pain. Being the caring husband that I am, I asked what was wrong. She responds with "oh just round ligament pain". She glared when I asked how her square ligaments were doing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickguinness
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
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In the midst of an unwanted pregnancy...

My fiancee turned to me when we found out. Her comment: "Well, fuck. Wait, that's what got us into this mess in the first place."

...She's gonna make a great dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwawayfiance47
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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I asked my dad if people have sex during pregnancy

He replied "Of course they do! Not having sex for the entire 9 months would feel like 'a lifetime.'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonnyTheBowler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2014
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Pregnancy

I ask my sister how her pregnancy is going. My dad interrupts, "Swell!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluesie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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Think my brother is a victim of teenage pregnancy

In the kitchen today

Bro: "Just went looking for paper towel"

Me: "Uhmmm ok"

Bro: Pulls Bounty brand paper towels from behind his back with a stupid grin "Guess that makes me a Bounty hunter"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamPandemic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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In Regards to Being Bedridden During Pregnancy

Woman - "I had to be in bed for three months with my feet up."

My dad - "That's probably how you got pregnant."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brandonmartinez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2013
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My dad and I were talking about the age of pregnancies between different generations..I wasn't expecting this one.

Dad: Do you know how old your grandmother was when she had me?

Me: 16 right?

Dad: She had your aunt at 16, had a miscarriage and then gave birth to me at 17. You could say that she was a..(small pause).. busy beaver.

Ensue lengthy, full hearted laugh from him. Eye roll from me.

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πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
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A Girl takes a Pregnancy Test, then looks her Boyfriend dead in the eyes and says:

Your Kid in Me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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