9yo shared this one with me: What do you call a cow who just had a baby?
De-calf-inated!
Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cΔlf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
If the stork is the burd that brings babies, what is the bird that prevents babies ?
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Nicknamed my baby Vladimir
βcause she always Putin.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
(I'm not sure if this is a regional restaurant but I assure you it exists.)
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︎ Mar 26 2021
Shopping for a Baby monitor
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︎ Nov 19 2020
My buddy used his stimulus check to buy some baby chickens
He got his money for nothinβ and his chicks for free
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︎ Mar 18 2021
Why does nobody trust the baby salmon?
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︎ Apr 12 2021
What do baby parabolas drink?
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︎ Mar 21 2021
Baby seal walks into a club
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Why did the police officer put the cranky baby in jail?
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︎ Apr 01 2021
At a neighborhood party, my wife asked if I wanted to change the baby.
I said, βNot really. I like him the way he is.β
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Saw this one in Walmart, itβs a baby shirt!!
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︎ Feb 14 2021
Babies are like opinions...
Nobody wants to hear yours.
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
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︎ Aug 19 2020
What's the best thing about being a test tube baby?
You get a womb with a view.
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Changing babies
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︎ Feb 25 2021
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
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︎ Feb 06 2021
Doctor: I'm going to deliver the baby. . .
Me: Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver.
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︎ Mar 21 2021
*howls aggressively* "IM GOIN ALL IN BABY"
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︎ Jan 11 2021
My wife said she should get an award for breast feeding the baby.
I said Iβd nominate her for the SAG awards.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Smaller babies may be delivered by storks.....
... but the heavier ones need a crane .
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︎ Jan 06 2021
In a beehive, after the queen bee gives birth to the little baby bees, which bees are responsible for feeding the babies?
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Whatβs a baby ghostβs favorite game?
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︎ Mar 23 2021
After this week's bad weather in Texas, there'll probably be a baby boom in nine months.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
"Hello, My name is Dave and I'm addicted to baby powder "
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︎ Mar 21 2021
What did the baby say when he saw his food in front of him?
PurΓ©e!!!
(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)
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︎ Jan 11 2021
I was so ugly as a baby
when my mum breast fed me, she used to shut her eyes and think of other babies.
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︎ Feb 02 2021
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
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︎ Nov 10 2020
As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
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︎ Jan 24 2021
How does an astronaut quiet a crying baby?
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︎ Mar 04 2021
"You got spat on, you big baby, it's not the end of the world!"
"That's not what I said. I said it was the alpaca lips!"
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︎ Mar 11 2021
Who's bigger ? Mr Bigger, Mrs Bigger or their baby ?
Their baby. He's a little Bigger.
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︎ Mar 01 2021
Iβve never understood why baby dogs are called puppies...
When they could be called subwoofers
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︎ Jan 07 2021
I canβt wait till my Wife and I have a our first baby.
Iβll hand them to her and say βHereβs the fruits of your labor.β
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︎ Jan 28 2021
How does a baby look something up?
They "Goo Goo" it.
[This joke provided courtesy of my seven-year old.]
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︎ Nov 26 2020
So a mom and dad walk up to the register at work today holding baby twins.
I asked the mother if it was hard giving birth to two babies in one day.
She looked me dead in the eyes with a straight face and said, pointing at her husband, "not really. I had one and he had the other"
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︎ Feb 04 2021
What did the baby corn say to the mamma corn?
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︎ Feb 24 2021
Whatβs the difference between a piΓ±ata and a baby
I donβt have a piΓ±ata hanging in my basement
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I just found out that they make special diapers for baby boys.
They call them diap-hims.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
How long does it take a cow to have a baby?
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︎ Jan 23 2021
Women should not have babies after 40.
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︎ Nov 14 2020
When I was a baby I slept all the time but I slept less and less as I got older....
...I didn't want to be accused of kidnapping.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
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︎ Jan 12 2021
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