9yo shared this one with me: What do you call a cow who just had a baby?
Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cālf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.
If the stork is the burd that brings babies, what is the bird that prevents babies ?
Nicknamed my baby Vladimir
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
(I'm not sure if this is a regional restaurant but I assure you it exists.)
Shopping for a Baby monitor
My buddy used his stimulus check to buy some baby chickens
He got his money for nothin’ and his chicks for free
Why does nobody trust the baby salmon?
What do baby parabolas drink?
Baby seal walks into a club
Why did the police officer put the cranky baby in jail?
At a neighborhood party, my wife asked if I wanted to change the baby.
I said, “Not really. I like him the way he is.”
Saw this one in Walmart, it’s a baby shirt!!
Babies are like opinions...
Nobody wants to hear yours.
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
What's the best thing about being a test tube baby?
You get a womb with a view.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
Doctor: I'm going to deliver the baby. . .
Me: Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver.
*howls aggressively* "IM GOIN ALL IN BABY"
My wife said she should get an award for breast feeding the baby.
I said I’d nominate her for the SAG awards.
Smaller babies may be delivered by storks.....
... but the heavier ones need a crane .
In a beehive, after the queen bee gives birth to the little baby bees, which bees are responsible for feeding the babies?
What’s a baby ghost’s favorite game?
After this week's bad weather in Texas, there'll probably be a baby boom in nine months.
"Hello, My name is Dave and I'm addicted to baby powder "
What did the baby say when he saw his food in front of him?
(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)
I was so ugly as a baby
when my mum breast fed me, she used to shut her eyes and think of other babies.
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
How does an astronaut quiet a crying baby?
"You got spat on, you big baby, it's not the end of the world!"
"That's not what I said. I said it was the alpaca lips!"
Who's bigger ? Mr Bigger, Mrs Bigger or their baby ?
Their baby. He's a little Bigger.
I’ve never understood why baby dogs are called puppies...
When they could be called subwoofers
I can’t wait till my Wife and I have a our first baby.
I’ll hand them to her and say “Here’s the fruits of your labor.”
How does a baby look something up?
They "Goo Goo" it.
[This joke provided courtesy of my seven-year old.]
So a mom and dad walk up to the register at work today holding baby twins.
I asked the mother if it was hard giving birth to two babies in one day.
She looked me dead in the eyes with a straight face and said, pointing at her husband, "not really. I had one and he had the other"
What did the baby corn say to the mamma corn?
What’s the difference between a piñata and a baby
I don’t have a piñata hanging in my basement
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
I just found out that they make special diapers for baby boys.
They call them diap-hims.
How long does it take a cow to have a baby?
Women should not have babies after 40.
When I was a baby I slept all the time but I slept less and less as I got older....
...I didn't want to be accused of kidnapping.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.