Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
So a mom and dad walk up to the register at work today holding baby twins.
I asked the mother if it was hard giving birth to two babies in one day.
She looked me dead in the eyes with a straight face and said, pointing at her husband, "not really. I had one and he had the other"
I can’t wait till my Wife and I have a our first baby.
I’ll hand them to her and say “Here’s the fruits of your labor.”
When I was a baby I slept all the time but I slept less and less as I got older....
...I didn't want to be accused of kidnapping.
What do a broken hard drive and a baby have in common?
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Mommy tomato, daddy tomato, and baby tomato were all out for a leisurely Sunday stroll
They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.
It was a perfect Sunday.
Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.
They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage.
Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said
"Ketchup"
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
When we were leaving the maternity ward the baby pooped himself and the wife said to go in and change him.
So I went inside, put him down, took one of the clean babies, and left.
A peasant's wife told him to go get milk for the baby. Dutifully, he went to the market with the baby and brought home a hefty jug of milk. "You've forgotten the baby!" she exclaimed.
"No I haven't... I got milk for the baby!"
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
What's the difference between Hammurabi and a baby eating hash browns?
Hammurabi was Mesopotamian, a baby eating hash browns is a mess o' potato eatin'.
A daddy minnow, a mommy minnow, and two baby minnows went camping...
Four, all in tents and porpoises.
Went to the Police Station yesterday and started singing Rock a bye baby.
The Sargent stopped me and said, "No sir, we need an alibi."
There once was a family, the Bigger’s. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
The attending neonatal pediatrician was always grumpy and irritated by our questions about our babies...
...to be fair, we were warned by the nurses that he was known to have very little patients.
My friend was pregnant and had the baby in car on her way to the hospital
her husband named him "Carson"
Two vegetarians got married and soon had a baby who they named Cabbage.
"Was it a girl?"
No, it's savoy.
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied “baby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...
But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
The baby sheep got out of their pen and I impulsively grabbed a sheep with my right hand and a sheep with my left...
I guess I'm just lambidextrous...
I'll show y'all to the door.
My wife gave birth to our child today. Everything went well, the baby is healthy and I'm very happy
If you're here looking for a punchline, you probably won't find it. This was just about the delivery
My brother and his wife decided to name their baby boy Tinnitus.
He claims it has a nice ring to it.
A pregnant co-worker walked into the office the other day. I took a look at her baby bump and said “it’s becoming apparent that you’re becoming a parent”.
Stay safe everyone and try to keep smiling
If a Bluebird has blue-babies, and a blackbird has black-babies, what kind of bird has no-babies?
Three tomatoes are walking down a street: papa tomato, mama tomato, and baby tomato. The baby tomato starts lagging behind and papa tomato gets really angry, goes back and squishes him. He says...
In ~9 moths, there's going to be a baby boom. These babies will be known as "Coronials" and will grow up to become a quaranteen.
Did you hear about the guy that robbed banks and his get away "vehicle" was a baby sheep?
A momma mole, pappa mole and baby mole were sitting in their mole hole.
The dad suddenly sits up, sniffs the air and runs to the narrow opening.
"Somebody is baking! I smell nutmeg!"
The mother runs over and wedges herself in the remaining opening.
"Ooh! I smell vanilla and cinnamon!"
The baby poked and prodded but couldn't get past his mom and dad to smell the outside air.
"Oh man! All I smell is mole asses!"
Eventually everyone will be quarantined to their homes without sports and in 9 months babies will be born.
They will be known as the Coronials
If the family that popularized gull-winged doors had a baby girl, and they wanted to name her in honor of Star Wars...
She could be Amanda Mandalorian DeLorean
What is the difference between a baby and an adult???
A friend of mine asked me to adopt some baby cows, and I agreed.
What can I say, I’m always willing to raise the steaks.
My friend said. “I am late. I have to go and feed my baby hamsters.”
I said, “ Are you sure your baby would like it?”
If a King mattress and a Queen matress had a baby, what would it be called?
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.
. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,
“Nobody puts baby in a coroner”
Wife: Our baby shower is in one week and I have no idea what to wear! What should I wear?!?!
Me: Probably a bathing suit.
Wife: ...? *Glares
Where do baby hippopotami learn how to swim, eat, and socialize?
Why couldn’t Mr. and Mrs. Witch have babies?
Mr. Witch had a hollow weenie.
Baby Humpback: Dad. If you keep eating all the food and not saving any for me, I'm going to starve to death!
Dad Humpback: Nah. Whatever doesn't krill you makes you stronger.
So my pregnant wife and I were out shopping for baby clothes the other day.
We were in the newborns size sections.
Wife: Oh, look at this cute newborn! Can we buy it?
Me: I thought you were going to give birth to it?
Wife: The outfit...?
Me: No, the baby.
Friend: My wife and I are having a baby.
Me: Congratulations! Do you know the sex?
Friend: Of course we know “the sex”. How else are we having a baby?
I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
There will be a baby boom in 9 months and
In 2033, we will witness the rise of "Quaranteens"
If a Bluebird has blue-babies, and a blackbird has black-babies, what kind of bird has no-babies?
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