What do you call a priest in a maternity ward?

Father

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AEvans1888
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When we were leaving the maternity ward the baby pooped himself and the wife said to go in and change him.

So I went inside, put him down, took one of the clean babies, and left.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Valdagast
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Nurses in the maternity ward donโ€™t want babies to be in shock by the temperature change when theyโ€™re born.

So they make sure itโ€™s set at womb temperature.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ggfchl
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Due to the Coronavirus, there is a huge shortage of maternity ward staff.

Itโ€™s a midwife crisis.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave, are they out for delivery?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 335
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/misspokeycat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Walking past the maternity department at Target, I said to my wife...

"It's great that they have clothes for both expecting parents"

https://i.imgur.com/n9YPBrD.jpg

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/orthogonius
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a maternity ward worker on the verge of suicide?

Midwife crisis

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Zhydrac
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
At the maternity hospital, a doctor handed the husband the baby and said "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it."

The husband handed the baby back and said "well then, give me the one my wife did make!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 123
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jworkmusicofficial
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two maternity vets are looking at an ultrasound taken of Dumbo...

They stare at the image in silence for 8 hours.

One vet finally says, "Should we talk about the elephant in the womb?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/haymalb
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Maternity ward nurse asked my wife if she needed to go to the bathroom.

She says, "yeah, I could stand to pee."

I said, "No, you should probably still sit so it doesn't get everywhere."

My first, "official dad" dad joke. How'd I do?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 454
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/justablur
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When our first child was on the way, my wife told the doctor in maternity โ€œWeโ€™dโ€™ve been here sooner if my husband could drive betterโ€

And I said, โ€œHoney, watch out for those double contractions! Theyโ€™re brutal.โ€

There shouldnโ€™tโ€™ve been another one for at least 10 minutes,

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xwhy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
9 months really isn't that long...

It just feels like a maternity.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 52
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What's Another Term for Maternal Twins?

Cellmates

๐Ÿ‘︎ 42
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SlippingStar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife is really mad at me for throwing a snowball at my son.

On top of it, Iโ€™m banned permanently from the maternity ward.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
REQUEST: Dads, Lend me your strength!

What are your best dad jokes for the maternity visit? The baby is days away and I need an arsenal for these here finger guns (โ˜ž๏พŸใƒฎ๏พŸ)โ˜ž

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jeromaroo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife and I are currently due our third, and I don't remember the other pregnancies being this long.

This one seems to be lasting a maternity.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 39
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JediWithBenefits
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was complaining about being pregnant, saying I felt like I would be pregnant for all eternity.

To which my dad replied, "You mean all maternity?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mama_Bear15
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
[Funny, but true] Paternity Leave (x-posting from r/BabyBumps)

I came home yesterday (Friday) and excitedly told my wife that my boss decided to offer paternity leave to all new dads at the law firm.

She reminded me that I'm self employed and the only employee of the firm, and that if I wanted to pay the rent next month, my ass better be back at work on Monday.

So I guess I'll be at work on Monday...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MattProducer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 17 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I earned a solid groan today

I was doing a maternity shoot for a nice family expecting their second. The dad is a pharmacist. I told him that I was never very good at chemistry, but one time I read a book about helium and I could NOT put it down.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 29
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cellocat007
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 26 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Wife cracked this one

Walking outside on our way to Nordstrom's rack and my wife says, "let's hit up the rack, I hear they have a pretty sizable maternity section". I grinned at her and she said these jokes need to stop. (Note: Nordstrom's rack has no maternity section, we were left disappointed)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/draight
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
This one's from my Grandad

My maternal grandparents had nine children, the youngest of which were twins.

My Grandad told everyone, 'When they start coming in twos, you know it's time to stop.'

๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Flabberghastly
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Due to the lockdown, there is a huge shortage of maternity ward staff in my town.

Itโ€™s a mid-wife crisis.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
9 months isn't really that long

It only feels like a maternity

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife is furious at me for throwing a snowball at my son.

On top of it, Iโ€™m also banned from the maternity ward.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
9 Months isnโ€™t really that long

It just feels like a maternity

๐Ÿ‘︎ 265
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheRichestCuck
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife is mad at me for throwing a snowball at my son.

On top of it, Iโ€™m permanently banned from the maternity ward.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife's been pregnant for so long...

It feels like a maternity!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
9 Months really isn't that long

It just feels like a maternity

๐Ÿ‘︎ 46
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrFahrenheit1o1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.