Maternity Puns

Father

So I went inside, put him down, took one of the clean babies, and left.

So they make sure it’s set at womb temperature.

It’s a midwife crisis.

"It's great that they have clothes for both expecting parents"

https://i.imgur.com/n9YPBrD.jpg

Midwife crisis

The husband handed the baby back and said "well then, give me the one my wife did make!"

They stare at the image in silence for 8 hours.

One vet finally says, "Should we talk about the elephant in the womb?"

She says, "yeah, I could stand to pee."

I said, "No, you should probably still sit so it doesn't get everywhere."

My first, "official dad" dad joke. How'd I do?

And I said, “Honey, watch out for those double contractions! They’re brutal.”

There shouldn’t’ve been another one for at least 10 minutes,

It just feels like a maternity.

Cellmates

On top of it, I’m banned permanently from the maternity ward.

What are your best dad jokes for the maternity visit? The baby is days away and I need an arsenal for these here finger guns (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

This one seems to be lasting a maternity.

To which my dad replied, "You mean all maternity?"

I came home yesterday (Friday) and excitedly told my wife that my boss decided to offer paternity leave to all new dads at the law firm.

She reminded me that I'm self employed and the only employee of the firm, and that if I wanted to pay the rent next month, my ass better be back at work on Monday.

So I guess I'll be at work on Monday...

I was doing a maternity shoot for a nice family expecting their second. The dad is a pharmacist. I told him that I was never very good at chemistry, but one time I read a book about helium and I could NOT put it down.

Walking outside on our way to Nordstrom's rack and my wife says, "let's hit up the rack, I hear they have a pretty sizable maternity section". I grinned at her and she said these jokes need to stop. (Note: Nordstrom's rack has no maternity section, we were left disappointed)

My maternal grandparents had nine children, the youngest of which were twins.

My Grandad told everyone, 'When they start coming in twos, you know it's time to stop.'

It’s a mid-wife crisis.

It only feels like a maternity

On top of it, I’m also banned from the maternity ward.

It just feels like a maternity

On top of it, I’m permanently banned from the maternity ward.

It feels like a maternity!

It just feels like a maternity