Pregnancy test Puns

Turns out, my house is pregnant.

"Your kid in me."

Maybe Baby.

"Were the questions hard?" asked the second

She’s now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

Ooh, were the questions hard?

Nobody nose.

Also my boyfriend came up with this and I feel like this is so good I need to go take a pregnancy test to see if he’s about to be a dad.

He said: "Babe, there's a bunch of clothes in there already!" Is this a sign? Should I get a pregnancy test??

She takes the pregnancy test, hunched over the pee pee stick on the toilet.

Her: "Honey...I think I'm pregnant."

Him: "Hi pregnant, I'm Dad!" (Did I really just say that? Out loud? I could've sworn I said I was so happy...weird)

Her: "This isn't a joke...I'm serious." (Did he just make...a dad joke? About being a dad?)

Him: "I thought you said your name was pregnant." (FUCK. What is happening to me?? Gotta say something normal..)

"Uhhhhh...I'm so fucking sorry. Really I couldn't help it, I guess."

Sorry: "At least you finally used my real name."

Husband- where's the spoon for the cantaloupe?

Me- I used it in the corn.

Husband- WTF you just corn-taminated my cantaloupe spoon. (Laughter ensues)

Me- silence and an eye roll.

This was the scenario more or less.

Sister-in-law: I just took two pregnancy tests and they both came out positive!

Brother: That's incredible!

Sister-in-law: I think we should go to a baby doctor as soon as possible.

Brother: I would feel a lot more comfortable if the doctor was an adult.

Girlfriend woke up this morning and threw up and is cramping badly, so she took pregnancy test. I've had kids, been through this before, but it came out negative. Her roommate had been joking about my gf being preggo before she left to get breakfast, so my wonderful woman hit her with this one:

https://i.imgur.com/DCFyfQv.png

She sent me a pic of a pregnancy test subtitled... Guess what?

I did not laugh.

Wife (waking me up with a positive pregnancy test): ieatbabies420, according to this pregnancy test, I'm pregnant....

-long pause-

Me: Well.... what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.

Me: Hmmm... I think I'd be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.

My wife keeps taking pregnancy tests.

My wife just took a pregnancy test that came up positive. After the initial shock she turns to me and says " well, happy Sunday."

Without missing a beat I say "or perhaps daughter day."

It has begun

"I have to buy sponges over at the dollar store."

"That's a cost we can absorb."

Guess I should have her pick up a pregnancy test, too.

So she's got her bio final tomorrow. " Allele is such a weird word", she says. Without missing a bit, I reply, "Just allele." Maybe she should take a pregnancy test...

Your Kid in Me