If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
Dad joke but.. I'm a mother..
What Job did Beethoven get after he died?
He decomposed.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother before he left the house?
I told my mother-in-law there's a leek in her sink.
Why is it so hard to understand mothers who use overly bright decorations?
Me: “Oh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: “Why? What’d she tell you?”
Me: “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening”
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
When I was a kid, I was so ugly, my mother took me everywhere....
....just so, she wouldn't have to kiss me goodbye.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
Mother in law came for dinner and asked, "Why does your dog keep staring at me?"
"Because you're using his plate."
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?
"I've had it with your altitude"
I have a constant urge to eat my mother’s pot brownies...
I think I’ve developed an edible complex.
Which spice will get a mother busted for trying to buy booze underage?
What do you call the wife of an elephant’s mother’s brother?
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
My mother is much smaller than me. I'm not sure how tall she is...
...But I know she's the minimum height.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
What do you call the Mini-Me of your mother?
How I Met Your Mother was just
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.
It meant a great deal to me.
Your mother is iron man. How do I know?
I apologise if this isn't allowed.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
What did the mother melon say to her daughter when she wanted to run away to get married?
I took out my mother in law yesterday
Being a sniper is so much fun
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
What's another word in a thesaurus for 'mother' ?
Can't say. Mum's the word.
How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?
My mother's zodiac was Cancer, which is ironic
because she died from a giant crab.
What did the Indian say to his mother after leaving Bombay?
What do you call a father or a mother who's kid looks a lot like them ?
The cannibal said to his mother, "I don't like my vegetables."
Mother says, "well, just eat your wife."
What does your mother's sister eat when she's mad?
What did the British guy tell his Indian mother when he was going to leave?
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
What did the psychic say to her mother at the shady auto dealership?
When does a joke become a dad joke ?
When it leaves and never comes back
My children got their good looks from their mother.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
Dear Mother in law,
Don't teach me how to bring up my children. I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
The show "How I Met Your Mother" was just
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