If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God

Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Tigger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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Mary was 8 months pregnant when she was spotted partying at the club

Her friends saw her and asked, "Mary, what are YOU doing here??"

Mary said, "I get knocked up, but I get down again."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/asiers
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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-Mary, where are the kids?

-In French. -Mary, ou sont les enfants?

(It's a classic dad joke that makes a little more sense in my language).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elenifan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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Mary was born without a uterus

It was immaculate contraception

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wushock4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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What do you call Mary J Blige’s overly accommodating Irish cousin?

Mary O’Blige

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?

She gave him a weigh in a manger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CountMC10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?

There was no zoom at the inn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanlloyd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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I don’t think Mary and Joesph ever got a divorce

It was a pretty stable relationship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forwinder1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Mary Queen of Scots. My favorite one, but She was found guilty of high treason and the Head of the Monarchy was then..

[removed]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...

When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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Mary didn’t understand revolving doors.

Mary go round.

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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This is a Mary Pop-PIN
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TripleFourFilms
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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When you have a friend named Mary
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olivia-Rossini-11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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I've called Bloody Mary three times now

I think she's ghosting me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Indiguu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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Sturgeon Mary
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrinceOPancakes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/polkadotmcgot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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Went to a priest to tell him about my weekend he told me to do 20 hail marys...

20 hail marys? Who does he think I am Aaron Rodgers?

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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For halloween, my daughter dressed up as Mary Poppins, and then asked me if she could just skip the vegan neighbor's house.

When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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Just been to the new Mary Poppins themed restaurant

Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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I’ve got a rare sight disorder from watching Mary Poppins too many times... it called umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.

β€œI know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”

β€œReally, what’s the name of his other leg?”

She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying β€œthat’s funny Daddy”...

Love it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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They only serve Bloody Marys.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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What do you call Mary Poppins when she feeds the birds?

...Mary Tuppence.

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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When Mary Jane and Peter Parker hit a rough patch,

She cut off ties to spite her man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spahn711
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
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Mary Shelley's Frankenstein:

History is told by the victor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriarTux
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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Hail Marys are a long shot.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blakingdom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
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After a 4-year stint in the Navy, My friend changed her name from Marie to Mary...

It's like they always say, "I before E, except after sea"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Budzee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.

Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/questionall101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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What did Mary Poppins sing to a diabetic child?

β€œJust a spoonful of medicine makes the sugar go downβ™ͺ”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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What airline did Jesus and Mary take?

Virgin airlines

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamoF82M4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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My Wife lost the race to Sister Mary Francis

Apparently, she was second to nun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Newbosterone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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Is your name Mary?

Cuz you so poppin!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MsRachelBachell
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Mary had a baby bear...

To which she was so kind,

And everywhere that Mary went,

You could see her bear behind.

Dad and Gramps love this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sackferret
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2013
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Mary Tyler Moore died this week.

She didn't make it after all...

Not sure if it really counts as a dad joke, but my dad just dropped this one on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beer_good
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call Mary J Blige’s overly accommodating Irish cousin?

Mary O’Blige

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?

Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanAhJustSay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger

He is reportedly in a stable condition

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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So if Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was the Lamb of God...

Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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What did Mary have for dinner?

A little lamb

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dlliilb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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