Mary didn’t understand revolving doors.

Mary go round.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
This is a Mary Pop-PIN
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TripleFourFilms
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
When you have a friend named Mary
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Olivia-Rossini-11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Sturgeon Mary
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrinceOPancakes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to a priest to tell him about my weekend he told me to do 20 hail marys...

20 hail marys? Who does he think I am Aaron Rodgers?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
I've called Bloody Mary three times now

I think she's ghosting me

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Indiguu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
For halloween, my daughter dressed up as Mary Poppins, and then asked me if she could just skip the vegan neighbor's house.

When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The wise men come to the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in the night, rapping on the door of their Bethlehem cottage suddenly. Mary yelps, answers the door, and says, relieved:

"You scared the bajeezus out of me!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gaiusnutcassius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polkadotmcgot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a rare sight disorder from watching Mary Poppins too many times... it called umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s Mary short for?

She’s got little legs.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oceanpilot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
When you are high on weed and you wanna get laid with your crush Mary... How would you propose

marijuana do it ?.... Haha lol for those of you who geddit

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/evamPUNdit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.

β€œI know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”

β€œReally, what’s the name of his other leg?”

She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying β€œthat’s funny Daddy”...

Love it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Just been to the new Mary Poppins themed restaurant

Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between Mother Mary and an experimental artist?

One made a messiah and the other "made a mess, sire".

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call Mary Poppins when she feeds the birds?

...Mary Tuppence.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
They only serve Bloody Marys.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
When Mary Jane and Peter Parker hit a rough patch,

She cut off ties to spite her man.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
So if Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was the Lamb of God...

Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
The Vice President, his brother, his wife, and their three children were all short on cash so they went to their local church for help. The preacher said he couldn’t spot that many people but pointed them to someone wealthier, who could: Sister Mary.

β€œSIX Pence? Nun the richer.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/howardstackhouse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.

Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/questionall101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Hail Marys are a long shot.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blakingdom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What airline did Jesus and Mary take?

Virgin airlines

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamoF82M4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
After a 4-year stint in the Navy, My friend changed her name from Marie to Mary...

It's like they always say, "I before E, except after sea"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Budzee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Mary Poppins sing to a diabetic child?

β€œJust a spoonful of medicine makes the sugar go downβ™ͺ”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
🚨︎ report
My Wife lost the race to Sister Mary Francis

Apparently, she was second to nun.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Newbosterone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 225
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spahn711
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Is your name Mary?

Cuz you so poppin!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MsRachelBachell
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Mary had a baby bear...

To which she was so kind,

And everywhere that Mary went,

You could see her bear behind.

Dad and Gramps love this one.

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sackferret
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Mary Tyler Moore died this week.

She didn't make it after all...

Not sure if it really counts as a dad joke, but my dad just dropped this one on me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beer_good
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Mary have for dinner?

A little lamb

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dlliilb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
🚨︎ report
How did mary and Joseph know that jesus weighed 7 pounds and six ounces

They had a weigh in a manger

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Where did Mary go after the explosion?

Everywhere

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirt143
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2016
🚨︎ report
Mary had a little lamb.

She also had a bear. I often saw her little lamb, but i never saw her bare.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/C0okie5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I was upset after Mary Tyler Moore died. More upset that her family changed her name.

RIP Mary Tyler No-Moore.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elyas_machera
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the Three Magi say after giving Mary and Joseph two of their gifts?

But wait there's Myrrh

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ninjaboi333
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Sister Mary Margaret went to the doctor for her early physical

Sister Mary Margaret went to the doctor for her early physical. The doctor said "alright, I'll need you to take off your habit and stand in your underwear."

The sister took off her habit and stood in her underwear before the doc. He started to examine her and saw lettuce sticking out of her underwear.

"Sister, you have lettuce sticking out of your underwear. That doesn't look good for your exam."

She replied "that's just the tip if the Iceberg."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFoxpoint
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Even if the Virgin Mary didn't get to have sex...

...at least she made a prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CollinKlug
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2012
🚨︎ report
Just Because Mary's A Mother Doesn't Mean She Can't Make A Dad Joke.

http://imgur.com/nT8BNPn x-post from /r/Atheism.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Haerdune
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad just asked me to pass the bowl of Mary Jane
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerflinger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
🚨︎ report
Mary Nade

While prepping some pork for tomorrow's dinner, my dad dropped this beauty.

"I'm going to contact the 'Nade' family and ask them if they have ever named one of their daughters 'Mary'."

It's the dad joke singularity of facepalm concept and horrendous execution.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dinklebob
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
🚨︎ report
My favourite dad joke of all time comes from Mary Poppins!

I Know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..... I hope you all have a good laugh at it.

http://youtu.be/AexVBs09bjA?t=46s

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NickNickNick89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.