If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God

Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Tigger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
Mary was 8 months pregnant when she was spotted partying at the club

Her friends saw her and asked, "Mary, what are YOU doing here??"

Mary said, "I get knocked up, but I get down again."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/asiers
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
-Mary, where are the kids?

-In French. -Mary, ou sont les enfants?

(It's a classic dad joke that makes a little more sense in my language).

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elenifan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
Mary was born without a uterus

It was immaculate contraception

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wushock4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call Mary J Blige’s overly accommodating Irish cousin?

Mary O’Blige

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?

She gave him a weigh in a manger.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CountMC10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?

There was no zoom at the inn.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanlloyd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?

Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CanAhJustSay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger

He is reportedly in a stable condition

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t think Mary and Joesph ever got a divorce

It was a pretty stable relationship

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/forwinder1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Mary Queen of Scots. My favorite one, but She was found guilty of high treason and the Head of the Monarchy was then..

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...

When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Mary didn’t understand revolving doors.

Mary go round.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
This is a Mary Pop-PIN
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TripleFourFilms
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
When you have a friend named Mary
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Olivia-Rossini-11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I've called Bloody Mary three times now

I think she's ghosting me

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Indiguu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Sturgeon Mary
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrinceOPancakes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polkadotmcgot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to a priest to tell him about my weekend he told me to do 20 hail marys...

20 hail marys? Who does he think I am Aaron Rodgers?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
For halloween, my daughter dressed up as Mary Poppins, and then asked me if she could just skip the vegan neighbor's house.

When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Just been to the new Mary Poppins themed restaurant

Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a rare sight disorder from watching Mary Poppins too many times... it called umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.

β€œI know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”

β€œReally, what’s the name of his other leg?”

She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying β€œthat’s funny Daddy”...

Love it.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
They only serve Bloody Marys.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call Mary Poppins when she feeds the birds?

...Mary Tuppence.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
When Mary Jane and Peter Parker hit a rough patch,

She cut off ties to spite her man.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 227
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spahn711
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein:

History is told by the victor

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FriarTux
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Hail Marys are a long shot.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blakingdom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
🚨︎ report
After a 4-year stint in the Navy, My friend changed her name from Marie to Mary...

It's like they always say, "I before E, except after sea"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Budzee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.

Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/questionall101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What did Mary Poppins sing to a diabetic child?

β€œJust a spoonful of medicine makes the sugar go downβ™ͺ”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
🚨︎ report
What airline did Jesus and Mary take?

Virgin airlines

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamoF82M4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
My Wife lost the race to Sister Mary Francis

Apparently, she was second to nun.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Newbosterone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Is your name Mary?

Cuz you so poppin!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MsRachelBachell
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Mary had a baby bear...

To which she was so kind,

And everywhere that Mary went,

You could see her bear behind.

Dad and Gramps love this one.

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sackferret
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Mary Tyler Moore died this week.

She didn't make it after all...

Not sure if it really counts as a dad joke, but my dad just dropped this one on me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beer_good
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Mary have for dinner?

A little lamb

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dlliilb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call Mary J Blige’s overly accommodating Irish cousin?

Mary O’Blige

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
So if Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was the Lamb of God...

Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.