Why did Mary give birth in a manger?
Cause God wanted His Son raised in a...stable environment.
How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?
She gave him a weigh in a manger.
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?
There was no zoom at the inn.
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger
He is reportedly in a stable condition
I don’t think Mary and Joesph ever got a divorce
It was a pretty stable relationship
Mary Queen of Scots. My favorite one, but She was found guilty of high treason and the Head of the Monarchy was then..
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...
When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.
Mary didn’t understand revolving doors.
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
When you have a friend named Mary
I've called Bloody Mary three times now
I think she's ghosting me
Went to a priest to tell him about my weekend he told me to do 20 hail marys...
20 hail marys? Who does he think I am Aaron Rodgers?
I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
For halloween, my daughter dressed up as Mary Poppins, and then asked me if she could just skip the vegan neighbor's house.
When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."
When you are high on weed and you wanna get laid with your crush Mary... How would you propose
marijuana do it ?.... Haha lol for those of you who geddit
The wise men come to the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in the night, rapping on the door of their Bethlehem cottage suddenly. Mary yelps, answers the door, and says, relieved:
"You scared the bajeezus out of me!"
I’ve got a rare sight disorder from watching Mary Poppins too many times... it called umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye.
Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.
Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.
Just been to the new Mary Poppins themed restaurant
Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious
Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.
“I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”
“Really, what’s the name of his other leg?”
She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying “that’s funny Daddy”...
What's the difference between Mother Mary and an experimental artist?
One made a messiah and the other "made a mess, sire".
They only serve Bloody Marys.
What do you call Mary Poppins when she feeds the birds?
So if Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was the Lamb of God...
Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
When Mary Jane and Peter Parker hit a rough patch,
She cut off ties to spite her man.
The Vice President, his brother, his wife, and their three children were all short on cash so they went to their local church for help. The preacher said he couldn’t spot that many people but pointed them to someone wealthier, who could: Sister Mary.
“SIX Pence? Nun the richer.”
Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.
Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein:
History is told by the victor
Hail Marys are a long shot.
After a 4-year stint in the Navy, My friend changed her name from Marie to Mary...
It's like they always say, "I before E, except after sea"
What airline did Jesus and Mary take?
What did Mary Poppins sing to a diabetic child?
“Just a spoonful of medicine makes the sugar go down♪”
My Wife lost the race to Sister Mary Francis
Apparently, she was second to nun.
Mary had a baby bear...
To which she was so kind,
And everywhere that Mary went,
You could see her bear behind.
Dad and Gramps love this one.
Mary Tyler Moore died this week.
She didn't make it after all...
Not sure if it really counts as a dad joke, but my dad just dropped this one on me.
What did Mary have for dinner?
How did mary and Joseph know that jesus weighed 7 pounds and six ounces
They had a weigh in a manger
Where did Mary go after the explosion?
What did the Three Magi say after giving Mary and Joseph two of their gifts?
Even if the Virgin Mary didn't get to have sex...
...at least she made a prophet.
I was upset after Mary Tyler Moore died. More upset that her family changed her name.