Today I learned what happened to Marie Antoinette’s head!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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The Red Hot Chili Peppers really love Marie Kondo.

Because she helps them give it away, give it away, give it away now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gameronomist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Did you hear that Marie Kondo opened a casino?

Guess she knows when to hold 'em and fold 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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What kind of coffee does Marie Antoinette like?

Decapitated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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My wife suggested we follow some Marie Kondo tips to tidying up our home

I asked her if we should wait for the townhouse version

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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After a 4-year stint in the Navy, My friend changed her name from Marie to Mary...

It's like they always say, "I before E, except after sea"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Budzee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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What is Marie Antoinette's least favorite coffee drink?

Decappucino

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Egregiou5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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What do you call Mary J Blige’s overly accommodating Irish cousin?

Mary O’Blige

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?

She gave him a weigh in a manger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CountMC10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?

There was no zoom at the inn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanlloyd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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I don’t think Mary and Joesph ever got a divorce

It was a pretty stable relationship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forwinder1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Mary Queen of Scots. My favorite one, but She was found guilty of high treason and the Head of the Monarchy was then..

[removed]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...

When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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2 priests walk into a vampire

One says "Quick show him your cross"

The other priest crosses his arms and says "I'm so disappointed in you"

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theoriginalclarky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Mary didn’t understand revolving doors.

Mary go round.

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Beautiful
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dakingofmeme
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Why was the night Jesus was born so quiet?

Mary was giving Joseph the silent treatment for not booking a room in advance (this came from my dad 🀣🀣)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/belac2002
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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This is a Mary Pop-PIN
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TripleFourFilms
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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When you have a friend named Mary
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olivia-Rossini-11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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I’m going to open a restaurant that doesn’t do anything to prevent spreading the pandemic

It’s called Thai Food Mary

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Sturgeon Mary
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrinceOPancakes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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I've called Bloody Mary three times now

I think she's ghosting me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Indiguu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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What was Jesus’ mom’s last name?

Christmas

Mary Christmas everyone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuxerKiller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Went to a priest to tell him about my weekend he told me to do 20 hail marys...

20 hail marys? Who does he think I am Aaron Rodgers?

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/polkadotmcgot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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For halloween, my daughter dressed up as Mary Poppins, and then asked me if she could just skip the vegan neighbor's house.

When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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A father was laying on his deathbed...

β€œMary, my wife, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, dearest.”

β€œAnd Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, Paul, I’m here with you.”

β€œAnd you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?” β€œYes, yes we are, daddy!” β€œThen how the hell is the living room light left on?!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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When you are high on weed and you wanna get laid with your crush Mary... How would you propose

marijuana do it ?.... Haha lol for those of you who geddit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evamPUNdit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...

she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abionic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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The wise men come to the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in the night, rapping on the door of their Bethlehem cottage suddenly. Mary yelps, answers the door, and says, relieved:

"You scared the bajeezus out of me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaiusnutcassius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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I’ve got a rare sight disorder from watching Mary Poppins too many times... it called umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamuraiSAM5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.

β€œI know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”

β€œReally, what’s the name of his other leg?”

She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying β€œthat’s funny Daddy”...

Love it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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My wife told me a French Torte was the hardest thing to bake

Turned out to be a piece of cake

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the02guy
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crap_TheBoozeOut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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What's the difference between Mother Mary and an experimental artist?

One made a messiah and the other "made a mess, sire".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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They only serve Bloody Marys.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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What do you call Mary J Blige’s overly accommodating Irish cousin?

Mary O’Blige

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?

Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanAhJustSay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger

He is reportedly in a stable condition

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 253
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Just been to the new Mary Poppins themed restaurant

Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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