Four days later and I still can’t believe I got sued.
which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"
And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.
I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.
But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.
With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and proposed to them both (on separate nights, of course) and they both said no. In fact, though they never knew of each other, I went from two good things to both of them not returning my calls. I guess proposing in a mall food court (for Jenny) or down on my knees in front of the bathroom at a minor league baseball game (Susan) were not my best laid plans, doomed to fail. Or maybe I just reeked of desperation.
So the morning of my birthday, I was practically in tears, deep in depression as I knew I missed my deadline. But my friends came though, kind of. They took me out bar hopping and then we all went back to my place where they had a stripper waiting in my favorite chair. She got up, sat me down, and gave me a grinding lap dance. She said nothing, but after a minute, stopped, turned around, looked me in the eye and said "one." Then she started up again, stopped after a minute, turned around and said "two..."
This went on all night until she got to "forty."
It's been a few months now, and I'm not too sad. My friends really tried to get me married, and after two near mrs, I guess it was the thot that counts.
GF: I think the can opener is broken
Me: So it's a can't opener
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So there's this girl in my class who I want to ask out. But I do not know her at all. We are complete strangers to each other. So I thought out oI should start the conversation with a silly pun around her name ?
Her name is Susan. I couldn't come up with a pun after a week of thinking. help me please!
Edit: Any kind of punny-conversation-starter will do as well. Thanks.
We were talking about me being away at college and he said "you should call your mother sometime." I then asked him, "why would I call her that? Her name is Susan!"
Susan B. Anthony
Me on the phone with my dad - "I got a cat!"
Dad - "What's it's name?"
Me - "Susan."
Dad - "So it's a girl?"
Me - "Of course...her name's Susan. Do you think I'd name a boy cat Susan?"
Dad - "No...I suppose that if it was a boy, it would B. Anthony."
Good one, Dad...
I guess you could say I'm going to be cruisin for a susan.
Edit: I'm an idiot