Today I learned what happened to Marie Antoinette’s head!

[deleted]

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The Red Hot Chili Peppers really love Marie Kondo.

Because she helps them give it away, give it away, give it away now.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gameronomist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Marie Kondo opened a casino?

Guess she knows when to hold 'em and fold 'em.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of coffee does Marie Antoinette like?

Decapitated

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife suggested we follow some Marie Kondo tips to tidying up our home

I asked her if we should wait for the townhouse version

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
After a 4-year stint in the Navy, My friend changed her name from Marie to Mary...

It's like they always say, "I before E, except after sea"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Budzee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report
What is Marie Antoinette's least favorite coffee drink?

Decappucino

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Egregiou5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God

Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Tigger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
-Mary, where are the kids?

-In French. -Mary, ou sont les enfants?

(It's a classic dad joke that makes a little more sense in my language).

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elenifan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Mary was born without a uterus

It was immaculate contraception

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wushock4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call Mary J Blige’s overly accommodating Irish cousin?

Mary O’Blige

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?

She gave him a weigh in a manger.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CountMC10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?

There was no zoom at the inn.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanlloyd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t think Mary and Joesph ever got a divorce

It was a pretty stable relationship

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/forwinder1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith

but for the life of me I can't remember the name of his other leg.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/foxtrot-luv
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Mary Queen of Scots. My favorite one, but She was found guilty of high treason and the Head of the Monarchy was then..

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...

When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
2 priests walk into a vampire

One says "Quick show him your cross"

The other priest crosses his arms and says "I'm so disappointed in you"

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theoriginalclarky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Mary didn’t understand revolving doors.

Mary go round.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Beautiful
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dakingofmeme
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
This is a Mary Pop-PIN
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TripleFourFilms
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the movie where the nanny loves to tell dad jokes?

You mean Mary Pop-puns?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/di-_-jb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
When you have a friend named Mary
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Olivia-Rossini-11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Sturgeon Mary
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrinceOPancakes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I've called Bloody Mary three times now

I think she's ghosting me

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Indiguu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to a priest to tell him about my weekend he told me to do 20 hail marys...

20 hail marys? Who does he think I am Aaron Rodgers?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polkadotmcgot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m going to open a restaurant that doesn’t do anything to prevent spreading the pandemic

It’s called Thai Food Mary

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
For halloween, my daughter dressed up as Mary Poppins, and then asked me if she could just skip the vegan neighbor's house.

When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What was Jesus’ mom’s last name?

Christmas

Mary Christmas everyone.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuxerKiller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamuraiSAM5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a rare sight disorder from watching Mary Poppins too many times... it called umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Just been to the new Mary Poppins themed restaurant

Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A father was laying on his deathbed...

β€œMary, my wife, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, dearest.”

β€œAnd Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, Paul, I’m here with you.”

β€œAnd you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?” β€œYes, yes we are, daddy!” β€œThen how the hell is the living room light left on?!”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.

β€œI know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”

β€œReally, what’s the name of his other leg?”

She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying β€œthat’s funny Daddy”...

Love it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Crap_TheBoozeOut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...

she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abionic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call Mary J Blige’s overly accommodating Irish cousin?

Mary O’Blige

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?

Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CanAhJustSay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger

He is reportedly in a stable condition

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 254
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.