Today I learned what happened to Marie Antoinetteβs head!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
The Red Hot Chili Peppers really love Marie Kondo.
Because she helps them give it away, give it away, give it away now.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 10 2019
Did you hear that Marie Kondo opened a casino?
Guess she knows when to hold 'em and fold 'em.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 18 2019
What kind of coffee does Marie Antoinette like?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 18 2018
My wife suggested we follow some Marie Kondo tips to tidying up our home
I asked her if we should wait for the townhouse version
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 09 2019
After a 4-year stint in the Navy, My friend changed her name from Marie to Mary...
It's like they always say, "I before E, except after sea"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 02 2017
What is Marie Antoinette's least favorite coffee drink?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 14 2018
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
-Mary, where are the kids?
-In French.
-Mary, ou sont les enfants?
(It's a classic dad joke that makes a little more sense in my language).
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
Mary was born without a uterus
It was immaculate contraception
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
What do you call Mary J Bligeβs overly accommodating Irish cousin?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?
She gave him a weigh in a manger.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
Why couldnβt Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?
There was no zoom at the inn.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
I donβt think Mary and Joesph ever got a divorce
It was a pretty stable relationship
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith
but for the life of me I can't remember the name of his other leg.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
Mary Queen of Scots. My favorite one, but She was found guilty of high treason and the Head of the Monarchy was then..
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jul 06 2020
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...
When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
2 priests walk into a vampire
One says "Quick show him your cross"
The other priest crosses his arms and says "I'm so disappointed in you"
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
Mary didnβt understand revolving doors.
π︎ 30
π
︎ May 18 2020
Beautiful
π︎ 5k
π
︎ May 31 2020
This is a Mary Pop-PIN
π︎ 39
π
︎ Mar 25 2020
Whatβs the movie where the nanny loves to tell dad jokes?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 29 2020
When you have a friend named Mary
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 26 2019
Sturgeon Mary
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 29 2019
I've called Bloody Mary three times now
I think she's ghosting me
π︎ 70
π
︎ Oct 01 2019
Went to a priest to tell him about my weekend he told me to do 20 hail marys...
20 hail marys? Who does he think I am Aaron Rodgers?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 31 2020
Iβm looking for punny popsicle names. Iβd like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. Iβm particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 18 2019
Iβm going to open a restaurant that doesnβt do anything to prevent spreading the pandemic
Itβs called Thai Food Mary
π︎ 28
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
For halloween, my daughter dressed up as Mary Poppins, and then asked me if she could just skip the vegan neighbor's house.
When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 05 2019
What was Jesusβ momβs last name?
Christmas
Mary Christmas everyone.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jul 08 2019
Iβve got a rare sight disorder from watching Mary Poppins too many times... it called umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 08 2019
Just been to the new Mary Poppins themed restaurant
Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 23 2019
A father was laying on his deathbed...
βMary, my wife, are you here with me?β βYes, I am, dearest.β
βAnd Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?β βYes, I am, Paul, Iβm here with you.β
βAnd you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?β βYes, yes we are, daddy!β βThen how the hell is the living room light left on?!β
π︎ 27
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.
βI know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..β
βReally, whatβs the name of his other leg?β
She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying βthatβs funny Daddyβ...
Love it.
π︎ 22
π
︎ May 09 2019
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jul 18 2019
Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...
she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
What do you call Mary J Bligeβs overly accommodating Irish cousin?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger
He is reportedly in a stable condition
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.
Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 19 2019
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
π︎ 254
π
︎ Mar 23 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
