Which dinosaur does Sarah hate most?

The three horned one... it always tries sarah’s tops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G200Sleepr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
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Pun for sarah?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catblack8008
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
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Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

because she has no arms.

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scruluce
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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There's this book about a girl named Sarah and her pet dog, Dippity.

It's quite a relaxing read.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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Tri Sarah Tops. Get it? i.reddituploads.com/01335…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRelyx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
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I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels

She said, β€œTry Sarah Topps”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
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I don't get why people like horses

nothing but a bunch of neigh-sayers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
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Marry him !!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/don_gv
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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What dinosaur offers you their sisters clothes?

"try Sarah's tops"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Childhoodcocaine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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My ignorant boss didn't know what serotonin is...

...so I told him that it was my friend Sarah training at the gym.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShinigamiDady
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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I walked up to the librarian to see if he knew of any good authors that wrote books on dinosaurs.

He said to try Sarah Topps.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gameronomist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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My best work so far.

At work, there was a metal catering tray filled to the brim with cold water sittin' around for no reason so I asked the receptionist/coworker, who has said repeatedly that she just can't stand me, if I should dump it. She looked at me, smiled and said "If you can." I responded "without spilling it?" In a 'of course I'm not going to spill but dont rule it out' way. She said "Yes." Silently giving me good luck. Fortunately, I done did the deed and no brand new flooring was harmed. I then proceeded to google water jokes. After that, I walked up to her desk, glanced into her soul for the slightest moment while greeting, "Hey Sarah" , then I swiftly looked downwards as she asked, "Yeah?" I THEN told her this, "I don't know about you but unlike that cold water I just dumped". I pause, regain eye contact and finished with, "boiling water will be mist."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dafuq0_0
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Ask the Librarian if she knew of any authors that wrote novels about dinosaurs.

She said try Sarah Topps

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendenmefford
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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I'm nowhere close to being a Dad and I just pulled this on a friend. I'm excited for my future. imgur.com/gP1NdsK
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukamikudesu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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My son was looking for books on dinosaurs..

So I asked the librarian to suggest a good author.

"Try Sarah Topps" she said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanglimara
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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The story of Mike and the dad joke hall of fame

Hello everyone. Today, a 72-year-old man named Mike came into my office. Mike blessed me with many gifts, a sampling of which I would like to share with you all here.

First, Mike asked how I was. I said "good, how are you?" Mike: I had a dream last night I was a muffler. And when I woke up it scared me because I was exhausted.

Mike also has an ex wife. "My Ex wife was so ugly her mom made her go trick or treating by telephone so she didn’t scare the other children."

Not just one ex wife, Mike has two ex wives. "My ex wife was so ugly I used to take her to work with me so I didn’t have to kiss her goodbye"

Mike does a lot of work for various charities. "I asked the lady at a restaurant if I could post my flyer for an event in the window. She said 'that depends, are you a non-profit?' I said 'lady I've got two ex wives, I haven't had profit in 30 years!'"

Those darn ex wives. "I’m so poor a pick pocket tried to rob me the other day and all he got was practice."

Mike actually came t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCisme5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Paging

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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What do you call a woman who looks like a horse?

Mare-y.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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I laughed while my daughter cried today

Context: Today was helping at practice for a play that my 4th grade daughters class is going to put on. My daughter (Sarah) was playing a tree, and another girl (Mikayla) was playing a Deer. Right now they're all into this weird "dating" phase. So Sarah ran over to me sobbing...

Sarah: Dad, Mikayla kissed my boyfriend. She is already dating Scott and Michael kissed her just now!

Me: Hoe dear, that sounds like a really sticky situation you're in.

I then proceeded to start laughing while failing to control it while my daughter started bawling. The other adults looked at me like I was a demon, and I had to leave the room for a minute to control myself.

Edit: Also I later realized that my daughter doesn't understand what a hoe is and thought I was just laughing at her. Don't worry, I have apologized and bought her ice cream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wwjjgg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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Got my friend and her boyfriend while deciding what to order for dinner

My friend Sarah and I were tossing up between Indian and Thai. We called her boyfriend Sam to see if he would like takeaway. He can't have shellfish so Thai is a no.

Sarah: "we're trying to decide if we should get Thai or Indian. Do you want take out because if you do, we will get curry but if not, we will get Thai for us."

Me: "you're the tie-breaker."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefaniey
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2014
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My dad stacked a ton of bacon on his plate...

He took a bite, smirked and said, "This bacon is great Sarah. It's hard to believe it's sodium free!"

My wife looked at me with a quizzical look on her face and responded, "Ummm... Bruce...this isn't sodium free bacon."

"I know!" My dad exclaimed. "That's why it's so hard to believe!"

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
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Dadjoked the sales girl while GF was shopping

Employee: Hey, how are you guys? May I help you find anything?

GF: No, thank you. Just browsing for now..

Employee: Sure, no problem. My name's Sarah if you need anything.

Me: ..What's your name if we DON'T help?

Employee had a confused look. GF just rolled her eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikoTron
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
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double time

my dad was telling me about my brother's new Sony Smartwatch when my mom said: "the problem is, Sarah (brother's girlfriend) bought him a beautiful expensive watch for his birthday, and guess which one he wants to wear? Not the one he should be wearing!"
Dad: He's double timing her

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elizanonymous
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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Serenaded

I'm not a Dad yet but I figure I should practice every chance I get...

I was teaching a woman (named Sarah) how to play guitar and she remarked that she was serenading me, to which I corrected her, "You're SARAHnading me..."

Eyes were rolled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshuaorr93
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2015
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One of my friends showed his dad aptitude over lunch today.

I had to run a couple of errands between then and now, so my memory might be a bit fuzzy, but I'll do best.

Friend 1: "Sarah"

Friend 2: "Shawn"

Future dad: "Sam"

Sarah: There is no good way to eat a taco. (There is a dismembered taco sitting on her plate.)

Shawn: I know, right? It's seriously the worst-designed food, like, ever.

Sarah: Back in [hometown], there's this restaurant that sells authentic Mexican tacos. There's no grease or anything, just chunks of chicken with guacamole and salsa and a bit of cheese on top, and it's SO GOOD. I really shouldn't even talk about them, it's just making me homesick.

Sam: You mean you shouldn't taco 'bout them?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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Why did Sarah fall of the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GingaGames
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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