My youngest daughter was diagnosed with scoliosis when she was 5. That’s the same time we began calling her by her middle name, Sarah.

Her first name is Eileen.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/OverlyGeneric75
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Why didn’t Mike Tyson like Sarah?


πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grames189
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Pun for sarah?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/catblack8008
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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Mike Tyson and I were talking about our friend Sarah who had just gotten into town. I asked, "so, how did she get from L.A. to here?" He replied...


πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Which dinosaur does Sarah hate most?

The three horned one... it always tries sarah’s tops.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/G200Sleepr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

because she has no arms.

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scruluce
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Tri Sarah Tops. Get it?…
πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ‘€︎ u/xRelyx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
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There's this book about a girl named Sarah and her pet dog, Dippity.

It's quite a relaxing read.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God

Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Tigger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house.

Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house. It was about 11pm and Susan was snuggled up to her Mother next to me in our bed. After a few seconds of Lori saying something soothing to our 9 year old she was holding, saying something like 'its ok, its just a little storm, we are safe...', I call out to our older 12 year old in her room just next door.

"Sarah!?" I called to her, in my normal tone to get her attention.

"Yeah? What?" She responded.

"Was that you?" I called back.

After a long pause Sarah replied "No Dad. That was thunder!"

I could not stop laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/tnotm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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I asked the librarian if she knew the author of a dinosaur book.

She said try Sarah Topps.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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Marry him !!
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ‘€︎ u/don_gv
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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My father was in the army...

And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me it’s a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child. Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass it’s bowels, but nothing was working. One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasn’t the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.

β€œWhy don’t you just admit it Harry”, she said;

but he stuck to his denial,

β€œYou think I could ever do something like this Sarah”, he said.

Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.

My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said β€œWell if the Foux shits...”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/RangaRedRascal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What do you call a missing Terminator actor?

A Sarah Goner

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/CocoBandicoot99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I don't get why people like horses

nothing but a bunch of neigh-sayers

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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My ignorant boss didn't know what serotonin is... I told him that it was my friend Sarah training at the gym.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShinigamiDady
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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I'm nowhere close to being a Dad and I just pulled this on a friend. I'm excited for my future.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukamikudesu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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The story of Mike and the dad joke hall of fame

Hello everyone. Today, a 72-year-old man named Mike came into my office. Mike blessed me with many gifts, a sampling of which I would like to share with you all here.

First, Mike asked how I was. I said "good, how are you?" Mike: I had a dream last night I was a muffler. And when I woke up it scared me because I was exhausted.

Mike also has an ex wife. "My Ex wife was so ugly her mom made her go trick or treating by telephone so she didn’t scare the other children."

Not just one ex wife, Mike has two ex wives. "My ex wife was so ugly I used to take her to work with me so I didn’t have to kiss her goodbye"

Mike does a lot of work for various charities. "I asked the lady at a restaurant if I could post my flyer for an event in the window. She said 'that depends, are you a non-profit?' I said 'lady I've got two ex wives, I haven't had profit in 30 years!'"

Those darn ex wives. "I’m so poor a pick pocket tried to rob me the other day and all he got was practice."

Mike actually came to my office to tell me about a basketball camp he's putting on next week. He's been playing basketball for 64 years. "I was a great athlete in high school. I was voted most valuable player by all the cheerleaders."

There was one girl though who got away. "There was a girl who lived down the street and I used to call her all the time and say 'Sarah, can I come over?' and she'd say no. So one day she called & said β€œMike, come over, nobody's home.” So I went to her house and she was right, there wasn’t anybody there."

That girl may be why he didn't play baseball. "I played football, basketball and track. Someone asked me 'Mike, why didn't you play baseball?' I said 'because I was already so good at striking out!'"

Anyways, Mike went on to have a lengthy career in TV and radio, until he didn't. "I had to quit my job for medical reasons. My boss said I made her sick."

Thank you for your time.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ‘€︎ u/CCisme5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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My best work so far.

At work, there was a metal catering tray filled to the brim with cold water sittin' around for no reason so I asked the receptionist/coworker, who has said repeatedly that she just can't stand me, if I should dump it. She looked at me, smiled and said "If you can." I responded "without spilling it?" In a 'of course I'm not going to spill but dont rule it out' way. She said "Yes." Silently giving me good luck. Fortunately, I done did the deed and no brand new flooring was harmed. I then proceeded to google water jokes. After that, I walked up to her desk, glanced into her soul for the slightest moment while greeting, "Hey Sarah" , then I swiftly looked downwards as she asked, "Yeah?" I THEN told her this, "I don't know about you but unlike that cold water I just dumped". I pause, regain eye contact and finished with, "boiling water will be mist."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/dafuq0_0
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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What do you call a woman who looks like a horse?


πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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I laughed while my daughter cried today

Context: Today was helping at practice for a play that my 4th grade daughters class is going to put on. My daughter (Sarah) was playing a tree, and another girl (Mikayla) was playing a Deer. Right now they're all into this weird "dating" phase. So Sarah ran over to me sobbing...

Sarah: Dad, Mikayla kissed my boyfriend. She is already dating Scott and Michael kissed her just now!

Me: Hoe dear, that sounds like a really sticky situation you're in.

I then proceeded to start laughing while failing to control it while my daughter started bawling. The other adults looked at me like I was a demon, and I had to leave the room for a minute to control myself.

Edit: Also I later realized that my daughter doesn't understand what a hoe is and thought I was just laughing at her. Don't worry, I have apologized and bought her ice cream.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ‘€︎ u/wwjjgg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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Got my friend and her boyfriend while deciding what to order for dinner

My friend Sarah and I were tossing up between Indian and Thai. We called her boyfriend Sam to see if he would like takeaway. He can't have shellfish so Thai is a no.

Sarah: "we're trying to decide if we should get Thai or Indian. Do you want take out because if you do, we will get curry but if not, we will get Thai for us."

Me: "you're the tie-breaker."

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ‘€︎ u/stefaniey
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2014
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Dadjoked the sales girl while GF was shopping

Employee: Hey, how are you guys? May I help you find anything?

GF: No, thank you. Just browsing for now..

Employee: Sure, no problem. My name's Sarah if you need anything.

Me: ..What's your name if we DON'T help?

Employee had a confused look. GF just rolled her eyes

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/MikoTron
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
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My dad stacked a ton of bacon on his plate...

He took a bite, smirked and said, "This bacon is great Sarah. It's hard to believe it's sodium free!"

My wife looked at me with a quizzical look on her face and responded, "Ummm... Bruce...this isn't sodium free bacon."

"I know!" My dad exclaimed. "That's why it's so hard to believe!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
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double time

my dad was telling me about my brother's new Sony Smartwatch when my mom said: "the problem is, Sarah (brother's girlfriend) bought him a beautiful expensive watch for his birthday, and guess which one he wants to wear? Not the one he should be wearing!"
Dad: He's double timing her

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ‘€︎ u/elizanonymous
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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One of my friends showed his dad aptitude over lunch today.

I had to run a couple of errands between then and now, so my memory might be a bit fuzzy, but I'll do best.

Friend 1: "Sarah"

Friend 2: "Shawn"

Future dad: "Sam"

Sarah: There is no good way to eat a taco. (There is a dismembered taco sitting on her plate.)

Shawn: I know, right? It's seriously the worst-designed food, like, ever.

Sarah: Back in [hometown], there's this restaurant that sells authentic Mexican tacos. There's no grease or anything, just chunks of chicken with guacamole and salsa and a bit of cheese on top, and it's SO GOOD. I really shouldn't even talk about them, it's just making me homesick.

Sam: You mean you shouldn't taco 'bout them?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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I'm not a Dad yet but I figure I should practice every chance I get...

I was teaching a woman (named Sarah) how to play guitar and she remarked that she was serenading me, to which I corrected her, "You're SARAHnading me..."

Eyes were rolled.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshuaorr93
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2015
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Why did Sarah fall of the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/GingaGames
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels

She said, β€œTry Sarah Topps”

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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I walked up to the librarian to see if he knew of any good authors that wrote books on dinosaurs.

He said to try Sarah Topps.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gameronomist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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My son was looking for books on dinosaurs..

So I asked the librarian to suggest a good author.

"Try Sarah Topps" she said.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanglimara
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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Ask the Librarian if she knew of any authors that wrote novels about dinosaurs.

She said try Sarah Topps

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/brendenmefford
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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