Mum Puns

...turns out that’s called identity theft and is illegal.

Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time

...... because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal

If anyone asks, you've not seen us.

"Mum!!! You're going to get us kicked out of Disney world. "

But not the one’s she’s been giving me lately

But my Dad can go father

'I wish I'd listened to my mother' Why? What did she say? Dunno, I wasn't listening

Gandhi: From the bottom of Mahatma

“Why don’t you help me with the laundry? Its whites today.” She said.

“How will that help?” I asked.

“Well I hear whitewashing is good for revising history.”

Dad jokes!

Minimum

Mum says no baby.

The baby grass snake says, Thank god for that ive just bitten my toungue.

So I packed my things and right

credit to u/Anon8627, upvote him, please!

https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/i9kc74/my_mom_said_that_i_have_no_sense_of_direction/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

So my dad brought her a glass of wine.

Chrysanthemums.

I said "Eh, she's alright I guess."

I was dazed.

Mum: looks at dad

Dad: clenches fist and sweats

Mum: No, don-

Dad: HI GAY I'M DAD

Things really boiled over

I said "Maybe you should put it in the vegetable drawer"

My wife: hey (son's name) I need to sweep the floor, can you please bring me the broom?

My son: OK broomer!

Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta

I eventually found all three of them sitting on the hearth in front of the fireplace.

My dad, being the joker he is, promptly said "There's nothing I can say. In total, three clips on the hearth."

Your humour is amazing, dads

She's my Aunt Acid.

We could hardly walk.

According to him, their first date was "A Casual tea"..

Dad: Relax love it's serving lunch.

‘Cos she’s worth it.

Asking if they look like hares from a distance!

Mumbai

...

but I said it was too deer.

So I went home for the hollandaise

It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,

About Six-tea years to date,

Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,

her cupious amazing traits

Her balanced demeanour

Her Kindness and (earl) grace,

rooibost sense of humour,

too many to name in this teany space,

to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,

let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,

While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,

It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.

I replied “No. it was a K 9”

"2 or 3" she replied.

Probably explains why her marriage collapse

What a bitch.

Granola

Dad [from kitchen]: Yeah?

It's like I've never seen Her-bivore

...turns out that’s called identity theft and is illegal.

Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD!