Dad Golf Puns

The dad said “it’s a home-in-one”

According to him, it’s in case he gets a hole in one.

...right in the FOREhead

He said absolutely! They won't let you go naked.

I came out under par, wondered aloud what my handicap is.

Pops: "Usually it's your sense of humor!"

He said it sounds like a very small game.

So I told him it was because he was "Putin" a lot of pressure on us...

Me: "You know, if I could hit it consistently in a straight line, lifting weights would really be...working out for me"

Him: "..."

He thought it was dumb and so should you

"I got new golf shoes but the problem is they fit like a glove"

My fiance's uncle disappeared for a couple hours after the ceremony. He walks into the reception with two golf tees in his hand and says to anyone who will listen,

"they tell me I'm a tease"

while holding up the two tees.

He spent at least an hour looking for two golf tees just so he could make that joke.

My family (Canadian) were talking about the PGA and the golfer Dustin Johnson became the subject of discussion. For anyone who doesn't follow golf, Johnson has come under some scrutiny lately for:

1. Failing drug tests, leading him to withdraw from the PGA tour.

2. Allegedly cheating on his girlfriend Paulina Gretzky (daughter of the hockey player Wayne Gretzky)

My dad then cracks this one:

"Looks like he's no longer in the PG, eh?"

My dad said he saw someone running and jumping over benches and trash cans while he was at the golf course today. My mom responded "some kind of hardcore parkour?"

His reply "no it was par-four parkour"

/face palm

Me: How did you shoot?

Dad: Frequently

Dad loves to golf and he enjoys drinking while golfing. A couple days ago he came over for a visit after a few rounds.

"How was golfing? You seem a little buzzed, did you have a few drinks?"

"Of golf course!"

.....

I cracked up but my husband groaned.

My dad and I went galling this morming, and a flock of birds was sitting on the fairway of the third hole as we got to the tee box. I asked him how many strokes we would get off our score if we hit a bird.

As he stepped up to address the ball, he said calmly "It's an automatic birdie."

My dad who is an avid golfer steps up to the first tee today and says "You know why they call me BMW?"

Me: Why?

He proceeds to crush his drive down the middle of the fairway and says "because I'm the ultimate driving machine".

... His drive went straight into the woods, bounced off a tree limb, and ended up right in the middle of the fairway.

I said, "Nice bounce."

He said, "Nah, that was my Irish caddy: Rick O'Shea."

My dad tees off and the ball hooks right into the trees. We try to find it but can't...

"I think it's lost in the woods, dad."

"Welp... Guess next spring a new golf ball tree will be sproutin..."

Golfing with my dad, hit a nice shot that rolls just by the hole.

Me: Missed that one by a hair!

Dad: I don't see any rabbits out here.

He thinks he's hilarious. Follows it up by showing me a birthday card he received earlier that day which was his "inspiration" The card shows a gray rabbit on the front, inside it says: another year, another gray hare.

Killin me

We were listening to the radio when a commercial came on for an event called "Golf for Autism." She turns to me and says, "well that's a shitty prize!"

(True Dad Joke Story)

My friend and I were coming back from golfing on what felt like the hottest day of the year when he got a flat tire on the freeway. We get out, sweat our butts off, and change the tire. I wasn’t sure how far we could go on the spare and I called my dad to see what he thought...

ME: “How far can we get on a donut?”

DAD: “Hmmm I’d probably say till lunch time!”

Needless to say I was not amused at the time - my dad thought he was a genius.

First some context: golf balls can be made several different ways, and one of those ways is by winding material. So my brother became curious if there were other ways. So he asked:

Brother: "Dad, are all golf balls wound?"

Dad: "Well of course they're wound. If they weren't wound they wouldn't woll."

I was watching golf on tv with my dad when I was younger....

Me: "What happens if the ball goes in the water?"

dad: "It gets wet"

Happened over text message: http://imgur.com/fNLRgpZ

Him: Yeah man...I went golfing like for times last summer, I want to go more regularly this year so I don't suck quite so much haha

Me: *fore times. FTFY

Him: Jesus. A little early in life to be making dad jokes, don't you think?

Me: I'm not Jesus, I'm Kevin.

Him: Goddammit.

Dad: you should bring two pairs of pants with you when you golfing tomorrow

Me: why?

Dad: in case you get a hole in one

She came in, smiled, and said "tea time!" So of course I said 'oh I didn't know we were going golfing!'

She smacked me. Dad joke level: successful

Dad: "What time are you home tonight?" Me: "About ten-ish" Dad:" I prefer golf over ten-ish"

https://i.imgur.com/UivGmJ8.jpg

(original)

My dad and I were at the driving range hitting golf balls. He steps up to take a big shot, strains himself a little too hard and simultaneously rips a fart as he hits the ball.

"Hit the shit outta that one!"

I still chuckle when I think about it.

"My Dad and I were golfing, and he hit his ball. It landed beside a tree. He said 'Son, I have a dilemma.' I replied 'yes? What is it?' Dad: 'Should I go over dilemma or under dilemma'"

(Da-limb-a)

Mom: "So if we're golfing at 2, I'll make the dinner reservation for 7."

Dad: "But honey, there's only 4 of us."

Dad walks up to check in with two sets of golf clubs by himself

Rep "why are you bringing two sets of clubs?"

Dad "well I'm connecting and figured I had a 50/50 chance of you losing my clubs"

Dad - I got a golf ball from the White House lol

Me- Wow the president must have one hell of a swing

So my dad and I are driving through Colorado and see a handful of structures that look like giant golf balls on the plains. We start discussing what they are when I muster up my best William Shatner voice and go "There.. Is some... Thing... On... The plains..." and die laughing. Made dad proud. Rest of the car, not so much.

My brother and sister constantly prattle on about the legitimacy of golf and dance as sports and were going at it again this morning.

"What's the point of having a golf team at the school? It's not a real sport."

"At least there is a golf team. I don't see any dance teams here."

"There's a chess team. Are you saying that chess is a sport?"

"It's not a chess team, it's a chess club. The school doesn't have any golf clubs.'

Suddenly Dad chimes in. "Then what do they use to hit the balls?"

I was playing golf with my dad and his friend, we had all hit our tee shots in the rough on the right side of the fairway.

>Me: This sucks, we're all in a bad position.

>Dad: Why? Being right is great!

>Me: ??

>Dad: It's better than being wrong!

Thanks dad, I still got a double bogey....

At a mini golf course where they post trivia questions on the start of each hole.

Dad: "Here's an easy one for ya. Who said that E=MC^2?" Me: "Easy, Einstein"
Dad: "Wrong, I just said it, you lose."

A dad was with a big group of kids and a statue at this ice cream/custard/mini golf place was holding an Unidentified object and on of the kids said it looked like poop and the dad said "well it is a cusTURD place"

Talking to my dad about the upcoming summer.

Me: "Man I want to golf so bad!"

Dad: "You already do."

It was cloudy, so the golf ball was hard to see when it was hit. I said to my Dad "I can't see the ball because of the cloud cover." The next ball I hit was painfully bad and rolled onto the grass. My Dad says "There it is".

While watching golf, some golfer named Chris Wood came on the screen.

Dad: "Hey, any of you guys know his brother, Stiff?"

I always asked dad why he bought an extra pair of socks when he played golf. Told me in case he got a hole in one. 😂

Just in case he has a hole in one

Dad: Why do golf players wear two pairs of pants?

Me: Why dad?

Dad: In case they get a hole in one!