The Nephew Puns

I’m his uncle monitor.

"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"

"16!"

"How did you figure that out."

"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

He's better off in the long run.

I knew he meant well.

What do you call it when you watch scary videos on YouTube?

Bootube.

My young (about a year old) nephew was really grumpy all day and kept crying. My dad was holding him at the time, and my mom asks my dad, "Do you thing he's teething?". To which my father replies, "No, I'm pretty sure he's theriouth ("serious", but said with a lisp)".

L. F. Ant!

We walked into him giggling having just asked Alexa to change the lights to blue.

My brother is still cracking up and very proud.

Him: "Ok. Why don't I practice with another burrito?"

This kid is going places.

I told him "Be careful, it's closer than it appears."

"Two week?" I said. "Is that why it's called 'Fortnight'?"

I took my niece and nephews hiking today. In the car, my niece (6) said "I have mommy's ears". To which her brother (12) responded, "No, you have your own."

Found jew!

This was during Thanksgiving but I just remembered it the other day in the car. For Thanksgiving our family and in-laws all got a cabin in east TN. This cabin had a room with a pool table and in that room it had a door to the outside. Well my 12 year old nephew and I would go to play pool a lot and once time while we were down there I took my shoes off and they smelled terrible! So I decided to put them outside using the aforementioned door. Then the best set up of my life happened: My nephew said "Don't put them outside, the bears will eat them!"

Me: "No they wont, they might take them but they won't eat them"

Nephew: "why not?"

Me: "Because they have have bear feet"

My nephew just stared at me, and I sat there looking like suspense eel waiting for him to get it.. and he said "uncle fr0zen_yettiiii that was lame"

Okay so this one may not be too special, but I thought it was hilarious. My nephew has a slight speech impediment which made it all the better.

I was visiting my brother and his family over the weekend. I decided to take the kids to the store so I yelled down the hall for my nephew (7 years old and sitting in his gitch) to get dressed. My niece who was also in the room said "I am dressed". Immediately after I heard this tiny little giggle followed by "hi dressed, I'm Isaac".

No one taught him this. All natural. The father is strong in this one.

"What are you doing? Making a long distance call?"

He was so proud of the joke he called me in as the only other person who would appreciate it.

Me: Dad, I bumped my head! Dad: Does your face hurt? Me: No... Dad: 'cause it's killin' me!

I miss Dad jokes. This subreddit makes me happy when I miss my Dad, because he would have loved these. :)

What happened when the red ship crashed into the blue ship?

They marooned