Whoopsie-daisy
It was a Barbie queue.
"Yes." she replied.
"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"
She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"
The mother turns around to look and says, "I don't know sweetie. What Jamaican?"
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"
“Dad, any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just have to stab it enough times”.
"...not our Sun."
She was miss communication.
I thought she'd duck
Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...
Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?
Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.
The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...
Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?
Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head
This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says...
Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH
Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block
Whenever I have to reverse I always do so slowly, let out a nostalgic sigh and say: "ahhh, this takes me back."
The girl responds, Spelling!
Nurse: No change yet.
Veal see tonight
Throw them in water.
The little girl ants will sink. The little boy ants will float.
I said I can't kiss that thing it smells!
Me: of course it is, it just came out of the closet.
She didn't buy it, she's still making fun of me.
No.
What is weak? A: The week days!
What is tough? A: The Week ends!
She sat came up with each of these a few days apart and cackled after saying them. My wife groaned, I was so proud :D
"Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?"
I was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess."
She then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
Little one is furiously violating her pacifier when the lady says, “I suppose it’s time for a feeding.”
Hand on the pacifier, I looked up and replied, “Shall I uncork the whine?”
An unwavering stare was my only reward.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat.
"That sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman said with admiration.
"Thanks!" the girl replied.
The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
The fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Trike or Treat
I replied, “No honey, some of them begin with ‘If I’m elected.'”
We got to the hospital.
Nurse: are you having pain?
Wife: yes, a lot.
Nurse: contracting?
Me: oh my god, it's contagious?!
Minivan Morrison
Me: Where'd you get your shoes?
Her: From upstairs.
Made me so proud.
