The little girl lined her dolls up at the cookout.

It was a Barbie queue.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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I always wanted my sister to have a son that I could pass on my wisdom to, but I'm so happy she had her little girl, Denise.

Because a kid named Denephew would probably get picked on a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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My three year old girl asked me, "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation, so I explained, "You just ate breakfast, yes?"

"Yes." she replied.

"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"

She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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A little girl turns to her mother and asks, "What is that rasta man cooking behind us?"

The mother turns around to look and says, "I don't know sweetie. What Jamaican?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/psyqqer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!” A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...

β€œShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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Restaurant messed up and gave me a garden salad instead of a Caesar salad. When I complained my little girl said,

β€œDad, any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just have to stab it enough times”.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Why couldn't anyone understand the little girl?

She was miss communication.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JumpyTheElephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."

"...not our Sun."

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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A goose attacked a little girl for fun and said

I thought she'd duck

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BOTB03
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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That little girl must have had a long day because she looks bushed
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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3 Little girls were walking along with their mother on the way home from the park

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head

This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says...

Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH

Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block

πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogOnACouch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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My favourite thing to do when my little girl and partner are in my car.

Whenever I have to reverse I always do so slowly, let out a nostalgic sigh and say: "ahhh, this takes me back."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MouldyPingu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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A little girls teacher asks her what starts with E but you're really bad at?

The girl responds, Spelling!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HydroSpecs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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What did the farmer say to the little girl when she asked what happened to the baby cow?

Veal see tonight

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatMetalJesus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

Nurse: No change yet.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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My little girl just asked for a goodnight kiss on her nose....

I said I can't kiss that thing it smells!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bellysbuster
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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How do you tell little girl ants from little boy ants?

Throw them in water.

The little girl ants will sink. The little boy ants will float.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dbgingerich
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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A little girl said my pink shirt is gay

Me: of course it is, it just came out of the closet.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeeJason
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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Overheard at the park: Little Girl- "Dad there's something in my shoe!" Dad- "Is it a foot?"
πŸ‘︎ 399
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoB_RL
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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I tried to explain to my little girl that it's perfectly normal to accidently poo your pants...

She didn't buy it, she's still making fun of me.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here’s what she said to me.

No.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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My 5yo came up with 2 dad jokes, she's definitely daddies little girl:

What is weak? A: The week days!

What is tough? A: The Week ends!

She sat came up with each of these a few days apart and cackled after saying them. My wife groaned, I was so proud :D

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kactusotp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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While having our evening dinner together, my little girl looked up me and asked…

"Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?"

I was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess."

She then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
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Holding my little girl, my wife walks up...

Little one is furiously violating her pacifier when the lady says, β€œI suppose it’s time for a feeding.”

Hand on the pacifier, I looked up and replied, β€œShall I uncork the whine?”

An unwavering stare was my only reward.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/codepoet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2017
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A fireman was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon, with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle...

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat.

"That sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman said with admiration.

"Thanks!" the girl replied.

The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

The fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

Trike or Treat

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ericmc80
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
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My little girl asked me today, β€œDaddy, do all fairy tales begin with β€˜Once upon a time?'”

I replied, β€œNo honey, some of them begin with β€˜If I’m elected.'”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2017
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Our little girl was born today! I wasted no time.

We got to the hospital.

Nurse: are you having pain?

Wife: yes, a lot.

Nurse: contracting?

Me: oh my god, it's contagious?!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsdrivingmenuts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2015
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What do you call a little person singing "Brown Eyed Girl?"

Minivan Morrison

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brandar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2012
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My little girl has learned well.

Me: Where'd you get your shoes?

Her: From upstairs.

Made me so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/far_from_ohk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2015
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