What do you call a potato that gets the gals?

A spud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboymas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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This guy is seeing this gal named Clearly.

Suddenly, his wife Lorraine dies. The day of the funeral comes, and this guy seems pretty happy. I look over to him and say, β€˜Why are you so happy?’

He looks back at me and says β€˜I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boyleolio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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There was a new gal at the vegetarian singles club last night

I'd never seen herbefore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteCubeNinja
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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The bartender was swamped, so I told the gal standing next to me, β€œLet me bayou a drink.”

She looked at me and said:

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SapperInTexas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2014
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I got an STD after a one night stand

It was a fun-gal infection

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrJBeard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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I used to date a comedian. I have nothing bad to say about her...

she's a stand-up gal.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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We all know that the mushroom was a real fun guy.

At least until he met an anti fun gal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SampMan87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Mona Lisa was framed.

Then they hung her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/profedon
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/podgress
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Feeling dull? Learn about Mycelium!

It can turn a stick in the mud into a fun guy or fun gal!

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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I met Darth Vader’s wife at the mall yesterday.

Nice gal, her name’s Ella.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tanko89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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Got dadjoked by a watch repairman

I went in to get a new battery for my watch and while he was working we were making smalltalk. I mentioned that I just got back from doing study abroad in Ireland, and he asked:

"Which one?"

Took me a second.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcnassau
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2014
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The criminal charge

A young lady had a problem because this other gal looked almost exactly like her, but had a nasty vocabulary. Nobody wanted to be around her anymore because the foul-mouthed girl really harmed her reputation.

So the lady in question decided to push the foul-mouthed look-alike off of the top roof of the Empire State Building. However, after doing this, she was soon arrested. Guess what she was charged with?

Making an obscene clone fall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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*GOT SPOILER* Jaime Lannister now refers to Brienne as:

Sir Gal-i-had

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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A breadmakers business goes under and he loses everything. He's talking to his friend about his struggle when his friend says "I'm amazed your wife hasn't left you during all of this!"

The breadmaker replies "Yeah she truly is a rye or die kinda gal!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuestionSleep
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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Guys I'm making a presentation about iron deficiency anemia, can you guys give me some puns related to it?

You guys and gals are awesome!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crypticlunatic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
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What do you call a boring lady with athletes foot?

Anti fun gal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flabden
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
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There was a big poetry contest and it cane down to two finalists, an English proffessor and a native American. They had to improvise a poem from a word that the judges gave them. The word was Timbuktu...

The English professor went first. He thought for a minute, then stepped up to the mic and said:

Slowly across the desert sand, Marched a lonely caravan, Men on camel, two by two, Destination; Timbuktu.

The audience applauded. Then it was the Native American's turn. He stepped up to the mic and said:

Me and Tim a huntin' went. Met three gals in a pop-up tent. They were three, we were two, I bucked one, Tim bucked two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wise_Guy_Plato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2017
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I need pun ideas to draw!

Guys and Gals! I am bored at work and want to practice my drawing, give me pun ideas to illustrate!, I cant guarantee they will be good but ill endevour to try to draw every suggestion and reply with a picture!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WorkMode
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
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I should really be a dad for this one...

So a few of us guys and some gals are working at a site for a university show. A couple of the girls wanted to learn how to use power tools, so we taught them. After a few minutes, one of the girls says:

girl: wow this really is a lot of work just for a hole...

to which I reply: THAT'S WHAT IV'E BEEN SAYING!!

everyone laughed, but I sincerely felt bad for that one... thought you guys might get a kick outta it too!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pigi8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2014
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My brother becoming one of us...

So my brother is planning a camping trip through facebook, and on the invitation it reads:
"Hey guys and gals,
Hope ya'll are getting good and riled for campin. It's going to be intents."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sholbe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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What do you call a lady with a yeast infection?

Fun gal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pagiras
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
🚨︎ report

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