.gal Puns

A spud.

Suddenly, his wife Lorraine dies. The day of the funeral comes, and this guy seems pretty happy. I look over to him and say, ‘Why are you so happy?’

He looks back at me and says ‘I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.’

I'd never seen herbefore

She looked at me and said:

(Gal)lons

I was setting up my buddy Rick with this cute gal Tina I knew from work. She was smart, funny and worked in a shop. Several years ago, she lost all the digits on both feet in a shop accident. When I told Rick this he did a hard pass on her.
Turns out he is LackToes Intolerant.

Doctor: I'm afraid you've tested positive for herpes.

Patient: I knew that one of these days I'd end up with a fungal infection.

Doctor: Actually, it's viral.

Patient: Yeah, but I got it from a fun gal.

It was a fun-gal infection

she's a stand-up gal.

Then they hung her.

At least until he met an anti fun gal.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

Nice gal, her name’s Ella.

It can turn a stick in the mud into a fun guy or fun gal!

I went in to get a new battery for my watch and while he was working we were making smalltalk. I mentioned that I just got back from doing study abroad in Ireland, and he asked:

"Which one?"

Took me a second.

A young lady had a problem because this other gal looked almost exactly like her, but had a nasty vocabulary. Nobody wanted to be around her anymore because the foul-mouthed girl really harmed her reputation.

So the lady in question decided to push the foul-mouthed look-alike off of the top roof of the Empire State Building. However, after doing this, she was soon arrested. Guess what she was charged with?

Making an obscene clone fall.

Sir Gal-i-had

You guys and gals are awesome!

The breadmaker replies "Yeah she truly is a rye or die kinda gal!"

Anti fun gal.

Guys and Gals! I am bored at work and want to practice my drawing, give me pun ideas to illustrate!, I cant guarantee they will be good but ill endevour to try to draw every suggestion and reply with a picture!

The English professor went first. He thought for a minute, then stepped up to the mic and said:

Slowly across the desert sand, Marched a lonely caravan, Men on camel, two by two, Destination; Timbuktu.

The audience applauded. Then it was the Native American's turn. He stepped up to the mic and said:

Me and Tim a huntin' went. Met three gals in a pop-up tent. They were three, we were two, I bucked one, Tim bucked two.

So a few of us guys and some gals are working at a site for a university show. A couple of the girls wanted to learn how to use power tools, so we taught them. After a few minutes, one of the girls says:

girl: wow this really is a lot of work just for a hole...

to which I reply: THAT'S WHAT IV'E BEEN SAYING!!

everyone laughed, but I sincerely felt bad for that one... thought you guys might get a kick outta it too!

So my brother is planning a camping trip through facebook, and on the invitation it reads:
"Hey guys and gals,
Hope ya'll are getting good and riled for campin. It's going to be intents."