Lass Puns

A woman gets on the bus with her baby, and the driver says:

"Jesus wept lass, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

Understandably, she's very upset. But she goes and sits down toward the back next to a nice old lady.

The old lady next to her leans in as she sits down, she heard the whole thing, and she says to her:

"I wouldn't take that if I were you petal... If I were you, I'd go back up there and rip him a new one!... Go on love... ... I'll hold your monkey"

It was a cut-lass

A cutlass.

A Lego lass

They both could be Lego-lass

A quaint little men's class,

a few with class,

some smelling of a gin glass,

some with eyes of a lass,

the remainder eyeing a lad,

but all glad,

and all present,

youngster of the present,

bearders of the crescent,

readers new testaments,

preachers of old testaments,

bearers of saffron tenets,

wearers of white tints,

weird lovers of croissant,

well, all here, will all hear?

we never know,

lets look at the show

 

The English teacher, said,

"how to drink a juice?"

i know, said bart the bartender,

"with vodka and chicken tender"

the weirded beardo now angry,

showed he was a shouter,

wanted to be a bart-ender,

while shushing the crowd,

use a pipe, piped up a voice, loud,

"huh" exclaimed preacher pastor,

"no smoking" he said, showing a guilty fluster ,

"no sir" said the voice,

I'm extra maker,

spoke the voice quicker,

Mr.White scratching head,

"I'm an ex-straw maker",

the air cleared.

 

Proceeding further, Teacher continued,

the class was listening, eyes glued,

"etiquette is important" he said,

"wear napkin before eating",

their faces changed,

pulse now beating,

Mr.White said, "sir, we don't bleed",

an irritated saffron Sundar spoke,

"if you bleed, education you don't need"

the English sir, now a sundered bloke,

calmed the masked fish market,

as his God's fate chisel hammered,

"Do you know how to fork?" he stammered,

a brief silence, and too many whispers later

"I Pen is use sir", said a bright face,

"Do you know how to use a fork?" he corrected,

with damage now done, Silence resumed.

 

>ThePundits

...until you've had some lasses

Just wanted to say that this dad joke has been passed down through four generations of dads, me being the fifth once I have a kid.

So if Lego decided to make a Hunger Games set, would Katniss be considered a...

Lego Lass?

So i recently got glasses and I decided to quote Velma "My glasses My glasses, I can't see without my glasses!" But my friends thought I said Uncle lasses and asked me who was that, to which I replied, he's Ma lasses brother! Oh the groans

My wife was playing a video game and got a sword called a "pirate's cutlass," which prompted the following:

Me: "That sword will only hurt girls."

Wife: "What are you talking about?"

Me (while wiggling my eyebrows): "Well, it says it's a cut-lass!"

Wife: groans and rolls eyes

I work at a Starbucks as a barista. I can't tell you which seasonal drinks were about to start on nov 11th or 12th, but I can tell you one of them has a molasses drizzle topping.

Today, a guest comes up and asks if we have any molasses. My manager's response:

"Molasses? How can I have molasses if I never had any lasses to begin with?"