Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to “Don’t Stop Believing”.
It was an unexpected Journey.
An alcoholic wakes up in jail and asks the nearest officer why he's there
"For excessive drinking" the officer replies
So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
Being able to wake up every morning
Has been a real eye opener for me
Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?
They have no balls to scratch
Going into the bathroom in the middle of the night trying not to wake up anybody is like a psychiatrist.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Imhotep wakes up and goes into an orphanage
All the children look at him and asks: are you my mummy?
A guy wakes up in hospital and screams, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs."
Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."
If I wake up after a long sleep,
Does that make me Captain America?
Why do the people of Athens not wake up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Why did the Amazon package wake up in a bathtub full of ice?
Because it was de-livered.
Sometimes, I wake up grumpy.
Sometimes, she wakes me up.
How do you wake Lady Gaga up?
You po-po-po-poke her face!
A sheep wakes up to find that she's at a completely different farm.
None of the other sheep seem alarmed, so she goes and asks another sheep what's going on.
"Oh, haven't you herd?"
Every morning, I wake up to find someone has dumped a box of play doh in front of my door.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Did anyone wake up Green Day?
Hi, I was specifically requested on this day, October 1st, to wake up Green Day. Did anyone wake up Green Day?
Why do the Hong Kong police wake up early?
To beat the crowd.
Edit: All credit goes to u/AleoMoorea, who posted it here.
Bilbo Baggins wakes up to hear “I’m a Loser Baby” for the third day in a row.
It was There and Beck again.
How do you wake Lady Gaga up?
Pa pa pa poke her face pa pa poke her face.
A bloke wakes up in hospital after an operation and shouts "Doctor I cant feel my legs"
The doctor said i know we chopped your arms off.
What do ants drink when they wake up?
Why do I always cry when I wake up?
It’s too early in the mourning!
What time do ducks wake up?
An alcoholic wakes up in prison
He asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?"
"For drinking," replies the officer.
"Great," says the man, "when do we start?"
*Wakes up with ear infection*
A lawyer wakes up after surgery
He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn.
She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
Someone just arrested my friend’s dad, and he won’t wake up.
COVID-19 has brought new meaning to “Wake up and SMELL the coffee.”
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, “Dad, what do you think this is?...
...the Land of the Rising Son?”
What’s the first thing you say when you wake up in Utah?
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
What do you tell yourself when you wake up with fever and realize you are late for work?
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing “Don’t stop Believing”.
It was an unexpected Journey.
Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they have no balls to scratch
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to “Don’t stop Believing”.
It was an unexpected Journey.
Some days I wake up grumpy
But most days I let her sleep
Why does my wife rub her eyes when she wakes up?
Because she has no balls to scratch
Why is it hard to wake up in Athens?
Every morning after I wake up, I find that someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO on my front porch.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I wake up grumpy some mornings...
But usually I let her sleep.
Why do the riot police wake up so early?
Why do the people of Athens never wake up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
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