Police were called to a day care to investigate a 3yo who was refusing to take a nap

They charged him with resisting a rest

πŸ‘οΈŽ 148
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KetoNun
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 13 2019
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(From my daughter) Who investigates toilet crimes?

The Poolice. It's their doody.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unbiasedasian
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2019
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I was called in to investigate the murder of Smokey, the forest fire fighter.

It was a grizzly scene, almost too much to bear.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 13 2019
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Went to investigate a strange gathering of crows today...

Didn't see a dead body but I did witness a Murder...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thelummx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 24 2017
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What do you call a detective who investigates circuit related crimes?

Sherlock Ohms

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/1bitshiftregister
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2016
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A police officer goes to investigate a robbery..

Officer: "What's left in the cashbox?"

Cashier: "Na-ching"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/onizuka112
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2017
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Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.

The police think it's race-related.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 77
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/elwheelio
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
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A murder investigation or a murder investigating?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/capndreww
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 22 2020
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Using only the letters L H U T S E, how do you tell an investigator to hurry up?

Hustle, Sleuth.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
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Recently I've been doing some investigative journalism on hammers..

It's some real hard hitting stuff..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21 2021
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Did you hear about the farmer that just got sentenced for killing his neighbors cow?

After a quick investigation, the Prosecutor was able to turn it into a brief case.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 143
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dandie_Lion
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2021
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I asked my police officer friend if he had made any progress with the investigation into who stole all their internet cables.

He said: No, we haven't even got any leads.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gubaxter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2020
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What do you call an alligator interested in detective work?

An INVESTIGATOR

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PhysicsPurple
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2021
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My friend used to clean house for a famous singer-guitar player, til he died in 2016. She then became a police investigator...

She dusted for Prince now she's dusting for prints.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2020
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What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?

An investigator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 66
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2021
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A detective was investigating a murder. He soon found that the murder weapon was the bag of the murderer and it had their name on it.

It was a briefcase

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wingwang100
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2020
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How do Tree crime investigators start their investigation

They go to the ROOT of the problem

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2020
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Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?

They had nothing to go on.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ycarusbog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2021
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Two police officers were investigating a murder scene.

They stumble upon a humanoid cement figure.

Officer 1: "Sir, we've found all the evidence we need to prove that this is the murderer's house."

Officer 2: "Why would anyone believe that this is evidence?"

Officer 1: "It's concrete."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brawl_nOyOu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2020
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Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.

To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/greggy_rabs
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2020
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What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions?

An INVESTigator!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bronzeaardvark
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 06 2021
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Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 389
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dontcryformegiratina
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2019
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A man was poisoned after eating an appetizer at a local restaurant.

Police are investigating a possible hummus side.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2021
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Vest ever pun
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2019
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Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.

Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2021
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An investigation has been launched after a midget was pickpocketed earlier today.

Police are wondering how someone could stoop so low.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2020
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What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?

Investigator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/beekeeper-of-secrets
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2021
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What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2021
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Two policemen, an officer and a detective, are investigating a murder scene.

The officer says, "Huh. They left the bills, but took the coins. Any ideas, detective?"

The detective replies, "Just another centsless crime, officer."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 05 2020
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An American coronavirus investigator got sick and had to return from China

He was forensic

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02 2020
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All London policemen have disappeared!

Investigators are out of Leeds.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rintaro82
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2020
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Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station

Investigators have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 377
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/javerthugo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2020
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What would you call Donald Duck if he became a private investigator?

A duck-tective!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NikitaSultoo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2019
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What's the difference between a Stalker and a Private Investigator?

The Private Investigator get's paid, and the stalker is pursuing his passion.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MaskedForGas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2019
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Someone stole my through-hole printed circuit board components and replaced them with surface mount. The police investigated..

But there are no leads.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PdSales
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2019
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Two cartoonists fought each other to death and the police are investigating

The details are pretty sketchy and the reports are saying it ended in a draw

πŸ‘οΈŽ 116
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BleakPenguin35
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2019
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Insert title [here]
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stampylongnosefan1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2019
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Apparently there was a crime that happened on the airplane that led to the plane crashing into the ocean.

The police are trying to investigate to figure out how it all went down.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
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After high school Farris Bueller became one of the most controversial FBI directors in recent memory after his investigation of a sitting president

The investigation was known as the "Bueller Report"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Thylocine
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2019
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A police officer was investigating the theft of an attachΓ©.

The culprit was quickly found so you could say it was a very brief case.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/slap_the_teacakes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a suspicious β€˜accident’ at a construction site. The police investigated all the workers at the job site . . .

It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.

Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 143
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dirty_Entendre
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2018
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Did you hear about the guy who kept cutting down trees?

They tried to investigate the trees, but they were all stumped.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/notgayinathreeway
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2020
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This investigation is nuts.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Billyb0bj03
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2019
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What do you call an alligator that wants to be a detective?

An investigator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bakedlogik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LongDecision1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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Two detectives were investigating a murder at a construction site

The evidence wasn't concrete.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Alligator with a Vest on?

An Investigator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 262
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PrisimNight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DurgraxD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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