Using only the letters L H U T S E, how do you tell an investigator to hurry up?

Hustle, Sleuth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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My friend used to clean house for a famous singer-guitar player, til he died in 2016. She then became a police investigator...

She dusted for Prince now she's dusting for prints.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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How do Tree crime investigators start their investigation

They go to the ROOT of the problem

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.

To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greggy_rabs
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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An American coronavirus investigator got sick and had to return from China

He was forensic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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What would you call Donald Duck if he became a private investigator?

A duck-tective!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NikitaSultoo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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What's the difference between a Stalker and a Private Investigator?

The Private Investigator get's paid, and the stalker is pursuing his passion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaskedForGas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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The investigators still didn't know who started the fire at the Notre Dame

But they had a hunch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andocas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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A team of investigators found the body of a missing person in a frozen lake...

They finally cracked the cold case

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hi_im_Nadeem
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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What does a private investigator call a short investigation?

A briefcase

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2016
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In my life I've been a maintenance mechanic, a make-up artist, a media director, a mender, a metre inspector, a microcomputer support specialist, a mill helper, a mirror installer, a music librarian and a mortician investigator.

That's my Mployment record.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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As a private investigator, I'm pursuing a con man by tracing his stream of impoverished victims...

Yes, he left a pauper trail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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If a private investigator is called a private eye, what do you call a pirate investigator?

A privateer.
(It's one to hold on to for September 19th!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NobodyWhatsoever
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.

The police think it's race-related.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elwheelio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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A murder investigation or a murder investigating?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capndreww
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dandie_Lion
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Recently I've been doing some investigative journalism on hammers..

It's some real hard hitting stuff..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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What do you call an alligator interested in detective work?

An INVESTIGATOR

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhysicsPurple
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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Did you hear about the farmer that just got sentenced for killing his neighbors cow?

After a quick investigation, the Prosecutor was able to turn it into a brief case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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I asked my police officer friend if he had made any progress with the investigation into who stole all their internet cables.

He said: No, we haven't even got any leads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gubaxter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?

They had nothing to go on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ycarusbog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions?

An INVESTigator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bronzeaardvark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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A detective was investigating a murder. He soon found that the murder weapon was the bag of the murderer and it had their name on it.

It was a briefcase

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wingwang100
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?

Investigator

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Two police officers were investigating a murder scene.

They stumble upon a humanoid cement figure.

Officer 1: "Sir, we've found all the evidence we need to prove that this is the murderer's house."

Officer 2: "Why would anyone believe that this is evidence?"

Officer 1: "It's concrete."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_nOyOu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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All London policemen have disappeared!

Investigators are out of Leeds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rintaro82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station

Investigators have nothing to go on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/javerthugo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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A man was poisoned after eating an appetizer at a local restaurant.

Police are investigating a possible hummus side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.

Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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An investigation has been launched after a midget was pickpocketed earlier today.

Police are wondering how someone could stoop so low.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Police were called to a day care to investigate a 3yo who was refusing to take a nap

They charged him with resisting a rest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoNun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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What do you call a doctor that does yearly checkups?

A private investigator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecraigs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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The president of the National Referees Association has been arrested for corruption.

Investigators haven't released the name of the whistle-blower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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Two policemen, an officer and a detective, are investigating a murder scene.

The officer says, "Huh. They left the bills, but took the coins. Any ideas, detective?"

The detective replies, "Just another centsless crime, officer."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Vest ever pun
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Booty and the Beast
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ochipapo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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What do you call an alligator that wants to be a detective?

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bakedlogik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LongDecision1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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What do you call an Alligator with a Vest on?

An Investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisimNight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DurgraxD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Genomademe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?

You get an Investigator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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