My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."

"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was.

It was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 194
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crocodile that is a detective?

An investi-gator

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Faiz_Clan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Why are distillery workers such good detectives?

They are always looking for more proof!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
There's a detective named Frederick Lee...

His teammate is an anthropomorphic pig who wore a hood like little red riding hood. The pig’s name was Boar-Hood. So this one time, I wanted them to check out a masked menace in New York City. Fred wanted to lead the investigation. But since the criminal’s mask was animal themed, I said to them, β€œFred Lee: nay. Boar-hood: spy the man”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/megadecimal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
A detective was investigating a murder. He soon found that the murder weapon was the bag of the murderer and it had their name on it.

It was a briefcase

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wingwang100
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Some say, that’s the best detective out there.
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tezrion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a mason and a detective?

Concrete evidence.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Agent256
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
"There's a 60% chance the killer shot the victim from this spot right here and a 40% chance he shot from over there", said the detective.

"This concludes my probaballistic report."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/earthlybird
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
What is a corrupt detective called?

A defective!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blind-folded
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
2 Detectives are covering a case with a farmer

Detective 1: explain what happened please

Farmer: someone has been stealing my radishes for the past 2 months!

Detective 1: what do you think detective 2?

Detective 2: idk Beets me...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
The detective bent over to study a clue just as an unknown projectile whizzed by

He sensed something amiss

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s7evenofspades
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call a reptilian detective that wears a sleeveless shirt that just can't let something go?

An InVESTed Gator

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
The police department made all homicide detectives stay under quarantine for two weeks.

>!They had coroner-virus.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call a constipated detective?

No shit Sherlock

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Peterd3d
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
A comic series my friend is making about a mustachioed private detective, Jim Velvet and his bumbling partner Humphrey
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rezikmon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
Why are detectives fascinated by female trees?

Because they’re all mysteries.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TeepenTeepen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Detective at work

https://preview.redd.it/1v785xijzcg41.jpg?width=272&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=657f7c0b5d34023420c9b6a75ea11855b5990961

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.

It was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 878
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks make great detectives?

They always quack the case.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

πŸ‘︎ 386
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the police detective with the secret clamp collection?

He had a vice vise vice.

It helped him put the squeeze on suspects.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectMeat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
Who's the world's most famous skeleton detective?

Sherlock BONES

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kirbyjason678
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
Two policemen, an officer and a detective, are investigating a murder scene.

The officer says, "Huh. They left the bills, but took the coins. Any ideas, detective?"

The detective replies, "Just another centsless crime, officer."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
Within minutes, the detective knew exactly what the murder weapon was.

It was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a reptilian detective that wears sleeveless shirts and just can't let something go?

An InVestedGator

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.

"I'll never talk."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VNPimpinella
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Two detectives were investigating a murder at a construction site

The evidence wasn't concrete.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A detective was standing on a cliff, and said

β€œIm going to get to the bottom of this!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keeksmarie0987
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do pirate detectives work?

Scotland Yarrrrd.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Goddamnit detective
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/surjuwu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a rich detective?

A metal detector!

^Sorry ^if ^someone's ^made ^this ^before, ^I ^haven't ^seen ^it

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Annabeth666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.

It was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The detective is on the case (low effort)
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gompie28
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator detective?

Investi-gator

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red8user
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Iris detective say after resting his case?

Iris my case.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NaifAlqahtani
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said that I act like a detective too much and that she wants to split up.

I told her good idea, we can cover more ground that way.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RebelRaven94
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do potatoes make good detectives?

Because they’re eyes are always peeled!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dakdow
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A detective has found the criminal who stole this lady's baggage, all in an hour.

Turns out it was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SedrioX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2017
🚨︎ report
There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first...

Because he was sketchy.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A detective walks into a restaurant

He's on a steak out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cj062802
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a constipated detective called?

No shit Sherlock

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/midget_messiah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Detectives do have feet

Why are feet so good at knowing crime?

Because they know when crime is A-FOOT

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kremit321
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do Birds and Detectives have in common?

They are both In-de-skies

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brxlz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
who named it detective pikachu instead of picatchyou
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nojokefound
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
NWAR - A pun-filled "Airplane!"-style detective series youtube.com/watch?v=DCc86…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danmarkowitz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the detective say when he found bread from France at a crime scene?

Baguette

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the detectives daughter always pissed at him?

He doesn’t have a clue

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
*Detective Pickachu spoiler warning* Why was the pikachu so funny?

Because he was dad on the inside.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dontinquire
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do detectives have such bad posture?

Because they always have a hunch.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/munti1998
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I read about one famous detective. Man was always catching criminals by simple luck. Either he would just luckily stumble across damning evidence or luckily catch the criminal in the act.

I think his name was Sheer luck Holmes

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clahws
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard a new detective is in town.

He Sherlocks his Holmes well.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DerrpSter
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How do detectives protect their homes from robberies at night

Sherlock the doors

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EarthPhl
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a constipated detective?

no-shit Sherlock

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blazingkittyhawk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do gravediggers make really good detectives?

Because they do nothing but dig up plots and they know where all the bodies are buried.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Newt24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crocodillian detective?

An investi-gator

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gestice
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t the smartphone like the detective?

Because he always cracks the case.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
After going to an escape room. My wife keeps saying that I’m acting too much like a detective. So much so she wants us to split up!

Good idea, I thought . We can cover more ground that way.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ponky2003
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
How did the detective find out about the murder of crows?

Probable caws.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Detective movies often feature pretzels in them.

They both have a lot of twists.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross Santa Claus with a detective?

Santa Clues

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThotHunter420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My detective friend stores all his old work in pieces of luggage

He says it's on a case by case basis

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CCplusplus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are ducks the best detectives?

They know how to quack the case

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Emeri5
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
The detective found the stolen leather bag in under a minute.

It was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/no_di
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you ever hear about detective Rear?

He had some tough cases but, he always got to the bottom of it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ninthpower
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the hazelnut spread say to the detective?

I'm nuttelling you anything without my lawyer present

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fbi1213
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
A detective is staking out the entrance of a romantic restaurant..

...and after a few hours of not seeing the criminals he's looking for he gets hungry. He calls his partner to fill in for five minutes while he grabs some dinner and tells him to "take a picture of every single person that walks through the door." The partner waits for the detective to return and when he does the detective asks to see the photos that he took. The partner replies "I didn't see any single people, I saw a lot of couples though."

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nmclamb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you get grammar police for making detective?

A posh trophy case.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/themakeshfitman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the detective keep checking the bottom of his legs?

Because he had his suspicions that something was afoot.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are seals such good detectives?

Because their cases are always airtight.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZemeOfTheIce
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the detective laugh?

He was too hard-boiled to take a yolk.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sohex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Why was the private detective obsessed with tracking litterers?

gum shoe

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EaterOfSound
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gusthedanger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
🚨︎ report
How did the detective solve the royal murder?

Fingerprince

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/punge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of clumsy white detectives

The Clue klutz clan

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rei7689
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2015
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chant89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do potatoes make good detectives?

Because the keep their eyes peeled!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrfunnyguy345
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a detective who investigates circuit related crimes?

Sherlock Ohms

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1bitshiftregister
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a constipated detective

No shit Sherlock

πŸ‘︎ 295
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epicgamer927
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.

It was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/naimz27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks make great detectives?

They always quack the case.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks make great detectives?

They always quack the case.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks make great detectives?

They always quack the case.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks make great detectives?

They always quack the case.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a constipated detective

No shit Sherlock

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoubleL94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.

It was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a constipated detective?

No shit Sherlock

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call a constipated detective?

No shit Sherlock.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrayonFox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do potatoes make such good detectives?

Because they always have their eyes peeled.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."

"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a constipated detective?

No Shit Sherlock

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aidangf
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report

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