I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
All my vegetables got stolen and the cops finally showed up.
A cop stopped me and demanded i get out of the car. "You're staggering" he said.
"Well thank you. You're not so bad yourself."
At a rest stop, the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground....
“Officer, the sign clearly says to ‘pet area.’”
I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops.
He must be in some extreme mist group.
What did the cop say after opening Jeff Dahmer's refrigerator ?
"He really had a cool head."
The Captain of our flight called the cops when he saw a film crew
He heard they were there to shoot a pilot
What do you call a little person psychic on the run from the cops?
What do cops do when handed a cold case?
They work on it undercover.
I was driving through Quebec, and a cop suddenly pulled me over eating fries and gravy.
It was a poutine traffic stop.
Cop: whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"
And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"
Owl to cop: “I’d like to report an incident..”
Cop: Giggling “Do you know HOO dunnit?”
Owl: “Sir, eight people were murdered”
Cop: O_O
I told the cop, “You can’t give me a ticket. I’m running a marathon tomorrow.”
The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”
A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops.
He must be part of some extreme mist group.
Why did the riot cop leave for work early?
My friend got pulled over and the cop drew his gun on him!
Luckily the ink washed off after a couple days
Did you hear about the Tesla on auto-pilot that tried to run over a cop?
It was charged with battery
Someone should call the cops because
I was going on an illegal half marathon yesterday and the cops caught me.
Me: I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present, Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So where’s my present?!
Why did the ear of corn call the cops?
What bird a cop can arrest?
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said “ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said
I'm going to be such a good cop
My Daughter Fell Asleep in the Car And Someone Called the Cops
They told the cops that they had just witnessed a kid napping.
A cop ran into a drunk driver and asks the question “How high are you?”
The drunk driver responds: “No, its ‘Hi, how are you?’”
One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said “do you have a police record, sir?” I said:
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Guy gets pulled over for running a stop sign. He says to the cop “give me a break man, I slowed down.” The cop starts beating on the guy and says...
“So... do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?”
You hear about the cop who got busted for driving while intoxicated?
He thought he was supposed to protect and swerve.
A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
Wtf??? My dogs don't even own bikes
What did Avril Lavigne say when her escort ended up being an undercover cop?
All this time you were pretending? So much for my happy ending.
Cop to me: I clocked your friend at over 80 MPH
Me to cop: You're lying! Nobody can punch that fast
How does a cop season their food?
With assault and pepper spray!
What do you call a lady cop?
What did the cop turned invigilator say during an exam?
I saw a cop zap a criminal with a Taser, but then shocked him again when he was already on the ground...
The first one was probably justified, the the second one was just re-volting.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul truck...
A woman driving a minivan with 7 hyperactive kids gets pulled over for running a red light. The cop says “Don’t you know when to stop?” The woman says...
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait. I can explain everything!
Indian cops have a strong pun game..
Why do cops only use Uber and Lyft?
They dont want to call for A-CAB.
My mother called the cops on me because she heard I was dealing coke in the neighborhood
I tried to tell her multiple times that I was working for Pepsi, but she just wouldn't listen.
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.
They said I was weaving all over the road.
The cops caught two fellas, one drinking battery acid and the other eating fireworks
One was charged, the other was let off
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