I have noticed that my dog likes it when the collar is very tight.

Turns out he is a 50 shades of greyhound.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mubassie
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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A priest giving a children's sermon on vestments asked, "Why do you think I wear this collar?"

One kid answered, "Because it kills fleas and ticks for upto 30 days."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
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I hear that white collar prison isn't bad...

It has its pros and its cons.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Got the dog an electric collar today to train him, but had to test it on myself first.

The results were shocking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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Found this in the collar of my shirt
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElGatoLocoEU
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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Looks like thay have COLLAR ID
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trishmckinley602
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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For the longest time I thought priest's collars were grey

I guess I'm just collar blind.

Thanks Michael Scott.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space_bartender
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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Blue collar crimes vs white collar crimes.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yax01
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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I saw this dress decorated with small shiny disks: three on the arm, five on the collar, eight on the back...

They were Fibonacci sequins

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andronaut_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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What state is it illegal to walk your deer without a leash and collar on?

Collar-a-doe

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/walkerspider
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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My dad was talking about our dog, who has a collar with her name written on it...

...he said she has "collar ID."

πŸ‘︎ 280
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el_vetica
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2014
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The football player argued that it was a horse-collar tackle

The ref said β€œneigh”

(My Dad just told this joke while watching the Ravens game. The other dads in the room laughed.)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightingale102
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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How did Shakespeare get his collar to stand up?

He was a master of dramatic ironing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Red-Dog
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
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Add therapy dogs considered working dogs?

If so, would they be white collar workers?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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Son: β€œI’m gonna take the dog for a walk”

Dad: β€œok great. Collar. Leash.”

Son: β€œno dad. Call her sparky!”

So proud of my son for coming up with this on the spur of the moment!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drgrd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Three sheep

A chef entered his kitchen one day struggling with holding onto a large pumpkin. He noticed three male sheep standing next to his oven. One of them had a collar on him with the letter β€œA” written on it. The second had a collar with β€œB” and the third had β€œC.” The chef didn’t know what to do with the sheep, and they were standing in front of the only place he could put the pumpkin down. He put the pumpkin on the first sheep’s head and nothing happened. He then put it on the second sheep’s head and again, nothing happened. He then put it on the third sheep’s head, and immediately the sheep started cooking a gourmet meal and swearing at anyone who passed by him.

That’s what happens when you put a gourd on ram C in the kitchen.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pensrule2007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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There once was a beautiful, snowy kingdom.

It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.

However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kitten’s collar, all the way up to the bell from the king’s royal bell tower.

When the king awoke one morning, the bell tower’s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.

Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thief’s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,

β€œLook! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit_reddit03
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Barking mad
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spookyAGENT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the blouse break up with the t-shirt?

Because he didn’t collar.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noreason13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I treat unknown dogs like a phone call...

I always check the collar ID

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linkhandford
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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How is a priest like a dog?

Each wears a collar and pants.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Two farmers were talking. "Mate, why do all your sheep have those black stripes on their sides?"

" It's my new counting system, see that special collar on me dog, it's got a camera and it scans the sheep as the dog rounds them up. "

"Damn me, what'll they think of next? What's it called?"

"Baa codes mate"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?

Collared greens.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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How do dog catchers get paid?

By the pound

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainkrinking
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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My hair flowed down my back when I was in my 20’s and I’m not bragging when I tell you it still does

Because it starts from below my collar now

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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I don't have tags for my dog, but I bought her a phone in case she got lost. She ran away today.

I really should collar.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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What do a dog and a phone have in common?

They both have a collar ID

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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Mom wants to get the dog a new tag...

So my mother is discussing the dog, saying we should get a new tag for her collar and she says, "let's make sure we get a cell phone and not just the home phone on it"

And dad walks in and says, "won't that be pretty heavy?"

πŸ‘︎ 933
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakeandJake94
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
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What vegetables were allowed on the golf course?

The collared greens

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pjohnson95
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My favorite of dads jokes

My folks were getting ready for work one morning and my mom asks "Bill, will you put down my collar?"

"You're a terrible collar, YOU'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR THAT SHIRT!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gekelso
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report
How does one identify a dog?

Collar ID

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gladizh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
🚨︎ report
I started walking my dog everyday...

she has a new leash on life.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeim
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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What do you wear to a formal southern dinner?

A collared green shirt!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingGorilla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
🚨︎ report
A fireman was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon, with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle...

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat.

"That sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman said with admiration.

"Thanks!" the girl replied.

The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

The fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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I think I am now ready to be a dad.

My girlfriend and I were looking for a collar for our cat:

Her: "I need to find cat collars"

Me: "well hun if you want cat collars just wear something cute and go outside."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/datChef
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you use to get a dog's name from a phone call?

Collar ID

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riptide747
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
🚨︎ report
FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
🚨︎ report

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