I ran over a nail and popped my tire when my wife and I left the farmers market.
I should have bought asparagus.
π︎ 74
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
My son's nails grew so long
I just clipped two feet of toenails
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
What do you get when you nail a dog to a tree?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
I was walking out of the store when I was approached by a crazed man who threw a short but large nail into the air.
He seemed non-aggressive at first, but heβs quite angry now and it appears Iβm under a tack.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
I got innovative nail clippers for Christmas.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
My hammer has 100% nail hitting accuracy
because if I miss the nail, I hit my nail
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore
I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
For when you get a nail in your tire
π︎ 46
π
︎ Jul 30 2020
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tanning salons closed, waxing salons closed...
It's about to get ugly out there.
Stay safe.
π︎ 507
π
︎ Mar 19 2020
I went to a nail bar the other day...
π︎ 26
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
You look like a rusty nail, are you hammered?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
She nailed this nail art
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 10 2020
File your nails man
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jan 12 2020
I used to file my nails...
But then I thought whatβs the point in keeping them.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
the NINE LYNCH NAILS
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 07 2020
Im gonna name my son 'the nail'
So i can say 'i hit the nail on the head'
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 11 2020
The question was: "How do people with extremely long fake nails properly wipe their butts after pooping? Saw someone struggling to type on their phone today with those bad boys"
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 22 2020
I once got my toe nails professionally trimmed. They used a hardened steel tool for smoothing my clipped nails...
In other words, a pedi-file.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 30 2020
A man was attacked by a guy with an upholstery nail gun the other day.
He's okay. He's recovered now.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
Why will orthodontists and nail salons be the first businesses to reopen?
Because they're fighting tooth and nail for it.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
I need to cut these nails, they are getting out of hand
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 31 2020
I hit the nail on the head
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 06 2020
What did the framer say when he ran out of nails?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 31 2019
βI need some nails and a hammerβ-fiancΓ©
βI have 10 nails but Iβd rather not hit them with a hammer.β -me
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 06 2020
My boyfriend had this in his car...itβs a nail file
π︎ 20
π
︎ Aug 07 2019
I was told to be sure to use the right nails for putting down trim in my house, but I can't find any.
At this point, I'm not even sure Finland makes nails!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 03 2019
Getting my nails painted
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 24 2019
How did Santa build a house at the North Pole without any nails?
iglooed it!
Bonus joke:
And he did it all by his elf!
π︎ 60
π
︎ Aug 21 2019
I got my nails done for half off today
It was a five finger discount
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 15 2020
I gave my son a simple job: nail down the floorboards.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 28 2019
Why the did hammer hit the nail through the wall.
To drive the point across.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
When I went to get my prescription, I gave the tech an empty bottle to recycle or whatever. She said, some people like to keep the bottles to put nails and screws in...
I said I don't have too many loose screws.
She smiled.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 04 2019
My nails are getting too long.
They're growing out of hand.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Feb 16 2016
What do the sun and nail polish remover have in common?
They can both make your acetone darker...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 15 2019
I drove over a rusty nail yesterday
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 19 2019
A nail walks into a bar
Bartender asks "what can I get you, sir?"
Nail says "anything that'll get me hammered"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 14 2019
Screws are just nails with a twist. (Repost from r/showerthoughts)
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 25 2019
All fake nails are tacky
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 18 2018
What do you call a bar of soap that has been pierced by a nail?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 24 2019
Got my cats nails clipped today...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 14 2019
I need puns about stepping on a nail
My sister went to hospital after stepping on a nail.
I really wanna barrage her with pun after pun when she comes home.
Any help is really appreciated.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 31 2020
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tan salons an Wax salons too...
... itβs about to get ugly out there
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 20 2020
My dad gave me a simple job: nail down the floorboards.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jun 08 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
