Brad Pit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChomperCreeper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Brad.
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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Whats Brad Pitts’ middle name?

Arm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aussiefrzz16
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Brad Sherwood ladies and gents!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nascarfan624
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Matthew McConaughey talk about making a movie together...

BRAD: I'll produce.

GEORGE: I'll direct.

MATTHEW: I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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I saw Brad Pitt's brother at a heavy metal concert.

Mosh Pitt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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Dadjoked my girlfriend about Brad Pitt

Girlfriend: Did you see that photograph of Brad Pitt's brother?

Me: No I didn't, is his first name Arm?

Cue her laughing at my lameness. Let's hope my ability at dad jokes convince her I'll be a good father to her children someday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RubberDucky451
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
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In case you are unaware... Brad and Angelina are divorcing.

It's the Pits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NightFire45
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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Pitting Brad against Angelina

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie own a vineyard called Mirival that makes a really good rosΓ©.

Wife: do you think they'll stop making Mirival?

Me: Even if they don't, we better stock up on it now. That wine is about to be terrible.

Wife: ...why?

Me: Because of sour grapes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtttm
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
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So a windmill walks up to Brad Pitt and says,

"Oh my gosh! I'm such a huge fan!"

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2013
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From someone on FB "People are always telling me I remind them of Brad Pitt."

"Because I often say don't forget about Brad Pitt."

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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What do you call a snake that works for the government?

A Civil Serpent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...

Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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What do you call an ugly photo of Angelina Jolie's ex-husband?

A brad pitture

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrNorux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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How do you break up a fight between two blind men?

Yell β€œMy money’s on the one with the knife!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grouchyjarhead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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Who’s the spice racks favorite musician

Evils Parsley

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBigLobster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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My son came up to me today

My son came up to me and said, β€œcan I have a bookmark?” I started crying, 10 years and he still doesn’t know my name is brad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swannyboy13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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Realistically and Potentially . . .

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?' The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.' So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!' The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt - I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?' The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?' The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on Three million dollars . But 'realistically', we're just living with two hookers and a queer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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My friends have always called me "dad" because it rhymes with my name. I'm just trying to live up to it.

Co-worker had just returned from buying me a pack of smokes and hands me the change, which I tell him he can keep. Coworker: WOW! A whole six cents! Now I can feed my family.... /s Me: No, now you can see dead people... Queue eye rolling and stares from customers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SadBlueChin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2015
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I had a friends named Samantha and Elanore

Elanore (we called her El for short) had a crush on Samantha's (Sam for short) boyfriend Brad, and one day Sam ran past me crying. I stopped her and tried to console her. I asked her what was wrong. She said she had caught Brad with El in Brad's parents' barn. Brad left when El and Sam began fighting, and Sam said she grabbed El by the hair, hit her in the face with her knee and threw her into a pile of straw, and that she wasn't moving when she left. I rushed to see if she was ok, and amazingly, with very little effort, I found a kneed El in a haystack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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