Craig Puns

He said “He’s delighted to be the bo selecta”

Bond. They Bond.

"This one goes out to all the P-P-Js"

They all share a bond

TV: I dropped 40 pounds on Jenny Craig!

Dad: Well, did it kill her?

Me: exasperated eye-roll

Roommate: "She waited for me for 2 years, but then we broke up. Now she's married to a guy named Craig."

Me: "Did they meet on Craigslist?"

Groans and laughter ensued. If people laughed maybe it wasn't quite daddy enough.

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!

Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!

Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short

What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi

What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi

What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks

What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be

Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul

Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!

Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!

Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.

Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.

Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.

What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.

What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda

What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2

Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt

What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? “The” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.

What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.

What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.

What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2

Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.

Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt

Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi

What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe

What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett

What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke

Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.

Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn

What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones

Why did

One morning while sitting down for breakfast, my Dad looks up, points at my waist and exclaims, "What are those two things coming out of your butt?!" My 6 yr. old self wheels around like a dog chasing it's tail looking for said objects. nothing. I ask what they were and he says he's not sure, but that I will be fine. After school he get's home from work. Me: "Dad, do you those things coming out of my butt still?" Dad: "Yup" Repeat action and conversation from the morning again. And repeat again then next day, and the next ... 7 days in total I'm getting pissed my Dad see's them all the time but my Mom and older Sister don't. I surely don't see two things coming out of my butt. I'm starting to freak out and cry. Why can I not see these two things coming out of my butt, I'm sobbing, blubbering gibberish and spittle running down my chin to my shirt. I'm gasping for air and crying and just about to blow a gasket (I'm 6 mind you ...) my mom finally had enough, "Dammit Craig ... TELL HIM NOW!!" I get all calmed down and start getting excited, I'm going to find out! he sits me down and tells me this ... "I have told you all week that you had two things coming out of your butt?" That's why I'm losing my shit, Dad "Well, I was talking about your legs. You're legs come out of your butt and you have two of them." all the while looking me straight in the eyes, he starts a famously wonderful shit-grin. Mom loses it again, throws her arms up in utter frustration/disappointment/disbelief. Sister virtually pissing herself in laughter. My dad gets up, smiling that smile, he walks away with a pat on the head. "Pay better attention next time."

groan.

TLDR: I was 6, told I have 2 things coming out of my butt for a week. finally told that they where my legs. facepalm and groaner.

edit: - waiting for the right moment to pull this one on my 5 and 7 yr old ...

I was looking at a Ford Ranger on Craig's List and showed her pictures that made the truck look like a good deal until the final picture suddenly showed half the backend was missing.

"Stop looking at trucks you can't afford!"

"But I CAN 'Ford!"

"No you can't, and you can't Chevy either."

"It wont make you Daniel Craig but it will make you Roger Moore."

Dad Joke 1:

Dad: What you got there Nigel?

Nigel: I have got the pulled pork.

Dad: How hard did they have to pull it?

Dad Joke 2:

Dad: What about you Craig? What have you got?

Craig: Well, I got the baked salmon mate.

Dad: I wonder where it got its supply from?

Dad Joke 3:

Aunt: Have you seen Marie lately? She's lost a stone!

Dad: Well that's a bit irresponsible, she should go looking for it!

I think my dad tries to hard sometimes...

Dad: I made a list today.

Mom and I: Oh, what is it a list of?

Dad: You can call it Craig's list. (Dad's name is Craig)

Major League Baseball fans will get this one.

We stayed at a hotel last night. This morning my dad was putting on his Craig Kimbrel t-shirt. He looked at me when I was wearing my Andrelton Simmons t-shirt.

Dad: "Sorry SigilOfStark, looks like we're twins today."

Me: "No, Dad. We're Braves."

I got a sensible chuckle from him and a well-deserved groan from my mom.