What do you call a superpower that lets you locate french pastries with your mind?

Γ‰clairvoyance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_stevel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Why couldn't the man locate the bazaar on the map?

Because he forgot to market

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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They finally invented a golf ball that uses GPS signal to locate the hole, and then roll in.

Just dont put it your back pocket.

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squirrel_MD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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I wanted to rearrange everything in our kitchen so we could locate everything without having to think about it.

But that might be too counter intuitive.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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how do you locate Will Smith during a snowstorm?

just look for the fresh prints...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djAntonStyles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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My dad just dropped this one as I'm trying to locate a magizine to roll up

Me: Ew Dad there's a beetle on the wall!

Dad: Wait which one?

Me: The wall right across from me!

Dad: No! Which Beatle? Ringo? John?

He hasn't stopped laughing and won't help me get the beetle.

πŸ‘︎ 898
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chelseasmile2121
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
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When I visit the ocean, I can never locate any dolphins.

I guess I've lost my sense of porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeverBob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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I asked the librarian where books about oil were located.

She said try the non-friction section.

πŸ‘︎ 360
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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Why is the world largest library located in North Korea?

Because Kim Jong Un is Supreme Reader!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brokenvoice901
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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Did you know that Canada doesn't have any Wells Fargo locations?

They have snow banks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.

It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.

This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxyCamoCat738
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Where is the GYM located at Hogwarts?

Right through the Dumbell Door

πŸ‘︎ 271
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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I've created a toilet locator for those who have trouble finding one

I call it a "G Pee S"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?

They're called Durham Durham

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/les_oueff
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds...

Eyewitness reported, he left no tern unstoned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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My dad knows exactly where everything is located in the store.

I am impressed with his shelf confidence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Pixar is making a Finding Nemo sequel where he opens McDonald’s locations on the ocean floor.

It’s called The Flounder.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whaddayagondo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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What kind of meat is located on your shin

Bologna (below knee)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shugaz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Jack and Jill went up the hill

to file a complaint about the location of the well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greedydita
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.

He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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There was this shop in my hometown located where two streets met, they sold things like embalming tools and other specialty tools for working on dead bodies. This store was also known as....

The Coroner Store

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnJukes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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Rocket wants to know your location
πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crutch_for_crotch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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Where does the remote go when you can’t find it?

To a remote location.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJ_Degen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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Let me give you my exact location. I am
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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A man was walking along a stream..

... when he noticed that every shoot growing put of the ground was a four leaf shamrock. There were millions of them, spread out along both banks.

Being superstitious, the man assumed the place must be somehow imbued with an extraordinary amount of luck.

He sought out the owner of the land, and promptly bought it, spending everything he had to do so.

His plan was to build a small house at the site and thereby ensure he would be surrounded by good fortune for the rest of his life.

Sadly, while lifting smooth river stones to create the foundation of his dream home, he slipped on some mud, hit his head on a stone, was knocked unconscious, tumbled into the water, and drowned.

This conclusively proved to the townsfolk, that the location was not lucky at all.

The moral of this story?

Don't judge a brook by it's clover.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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This location is not suitable for placement
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamilliousThePaws
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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When the teacher asked where the apple's seeds are located, little Johnny said "the center."

She said, "that's almost core-rect."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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Area 51 wants to know your location
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cekuu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Barring other locations, I found the time for a drink
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RingloVale
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Where was Solomon’s temple located?

On the side of his head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaketoday
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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So I was given the ability to fly the other day, decided to give it a whirl over the pacific. Little did I know how tired I was getting but just in the knick of time I saw a remote location that looked deserted off the coast, so what do I do?

Island.

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snaaaaaaaaaake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
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The man and the silver screw.

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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The sushi chef located the buzzing noise

It wasabi

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

  • You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
  • Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
  • You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyounr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Where is Macau located?

In MaFarm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snowmansni
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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What do you call the awkward quiet that comes with sending someone your location on WhatsApp and they do not respond?

Pin drop silence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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I'm going to start a photo essay entitled "Images Of A Jar Of Peanut Butter In Unusual Locations"

I'll even submit it to National Geographic, they'll give me a full-page spread.

bonus peanut butter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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where is the bathroom for I.T people located?

At the I Pee Address

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2016
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Located at farsta centrum - sweden
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ten3roberts
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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I asked the librarian where the books on engine lubrication were located.

She said they were in the non-friction section.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Where in Hogwarts is the GYM located?

Right through the Dumbell door.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Where is the gym located at Hogwarts?

Just out the dumbbell door.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Why couldn't I find the TV remote??

It was in a remote location.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamDHogge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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