As the cop knocked on my door, I just stayed in complete silence. He then knocked again. Determined not to give myself away, I just stayed still.
Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."
Mee: "You are not coming in."
Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"
A cop pulled me over and said, "Papers"
I yelled, "Scissors" and drove off.
I had a cop draw a gun on me once
He just pulled out a sharpie and started drawing all over me. I could not for the life of me figure out why, but it was very unprofessional
Me to cop: "You cant arrest me.I have a marathon to run."
Cop: "Stop playing the race card."
Did you hear about the workaholic cop who got handcuffed by his colleagues because he refused to take a lunch break?
What’s the one thing an undercover cop doesn’t need?
Cop: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
A cop was chasing the thief
He said, STOP ! You need Arrest.
Our neighbour's 6 year old son was sleeping in their house, I've seen it and called the Cops right away
A cop stopped me and demanded i get out of the car. "You're staggering" he said.
"Well thank you. You're not so bad yourself."
Why did the riot cop leave for work early?
At a rest stop, the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground....
“Officer, the sign clearly says to ‘pet area.’”
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait! I can explain everything.
All my vegetables got stolen and the cops finally showed up.
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
An undercover cop visits a doctors surgery...
...he pretends to be a patient and when the doctor it's him down he says:
DR: how can I help?
Cop: Well I'm actually here because you're in trouble
DR: Don't worry sir, most men your age suffer urine trouble!
I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops.
He must be in some extreme mist group.
A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops.
He must be part of some extreme mist group.
What do you call a little person psychic on the run from the cops?
An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"
And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"
What do cops do when handed a cold case?
They work on it undercover.
I told the cop, “You can’t give me a ticket. I’m running a marathon tomorrow.”
The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”
I was driving through Quebec, and a cop suddenly pulled me over eating fries and gravy.
It was a poutine traffic stop.
The Captain of our flight called the cops when he saw a film crew
He heard they were there to shoot a pilot
What did the cop say after opening Jeff Dahmer's refrigerator ?
"He really had a cool head."
My friend got pulled over and the cop drew his gun on him!
Luckily the ink washed off after a couple days
Owl to cop: “I’d like to report an incident..”
Cop: Giggling “Do you know HOO dunnit?”
Owl: “Sir, eight people were murdered”
Cop: O_O
Did you hear about the Tesla on auto-pilot that tried to run over a cop?
It was charged with battery
I'm going to be such a good cop
Why did the ear of corn call the cops?
What bird a cop can arrest?
I was going on an illegal half marathon yesterday and the cops caught me.
My Daughter Fell Asleep in the Car And Someone Called the Cops
They told the cops that they had just witnessed a kid napping.
Me: I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present, Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So where’s my present?!
A cop ran into a drunk driver and asks the question “How high are you?”
The drunk driver responds: “No, its ‘Hi, how are you?’”
One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said “do you have a police record, sir?” I said:
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said “ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Guy gets pulled over for running a stop sign. He says to the cop “give me a break man, I slowed down.” The cop starts beating on the guy and says...
“So... do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?”
You hear about the cop who got busted for driving while intoxicated?
He thought he was supposed to protect and swerve.
Cop: whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait. I can explain everything!
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
