They go to the ROOT of the problem
Police are wondering how someone could stoop so low.
The investigation was known as the "Bueller Report"
Stop, A head!
The lead investigator was asked if it would be difficult to solve and he said "You don't know the half of it!"
A briefcase
Cow tipping.
It was a hummus-ide.
He replied, "Quit Russian me!"
He tells the investigators that he will Rick-use himself from the investigation.
An ex policeman turned construction worker has been arrested. He is believed to of been in charge of a ring of cowboy workers. They were going around farms constructing stables, these stables had many faults-including many falling under strong head winds. We asked the man what his title with the police was? He replied "chief con-stable".
It was a briefcase
They stumble upon a humanoid cement figure.
Officer 1: "Sir, we've found all the evidence we need to prove that this is the murderer's house."
Officer 2: "Why would anyone believe that this is evidence?"
Officer 1: "It's concrete."
Investigators have nothing to go on.
To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....
They tried to investigate the trees, but they were all stumped.
An Investigator
The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.
He was forensic
The officer says, "Huh. They left the bills, but took the coins. Any ideas, detective?"
The detective replies, "Just another centsless crime, officer."
His teammate is an anthropomorphic pig who wore a hood like little red riding hood. The pig’s name was Boar-Hood. So this one time, I wanted them to check out a masked menace in New York City. Fred wanted to lead the investigation. But since the criminal’s mask was animal themed, I said to them, “Fred Lee: nay. Boar-hood: spy the man”
They charged him with resisting a rest
But there are no leads.
A duck-tective!
The Private Investigator get's paid, and the stalker is pursuing his passion.
The culprit was quickly found so you could say it was a very brief case.
An investigator.
The Poolice. It's their doody.
When asked to comment, officials stated that the investigation was still Kim Yo-Jongoing.
The details are pretty sketchy and the reports are saying it ended in a draw
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
It's an obvious case of hummuscide.
But they had a hunch.
Hola. I need a punny title for the screenplay. Its a murder mystery type situation but its set in a university halls and instead of a murder, they're investigating the theft of a chicken Kiev from a shared kitchen. go crazy guys!
It was a grizzly scene, almost too much to bear.
It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.
Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.
Holmes and Watson, investigating a crime, entered a bedroom. Holmes looks and the bed, backs up and says, "There's something wrong with this."
I guess no one's above the ja ruul of law
They finally cracked the cold case
That's my Mployment record.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Yes, he left a pauper trail.
An Investigator.
Me-ow
Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.
All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.
In 1827, after Beethoven died, he was buried outside the local church, in the graveyard, and people came to pay their respects frequently.
One morning, about a week after the funeral, two girls came to leave some flowers on his grave, only to hear strange, unearthly sounds coming from it. Creeped out, they called for the local Paranormal Investigator.
The Investigator arrived an hour later, and with him, a small crowd, who had come to see what was happening to the composer’s grave.
Suddenly, one member of the crowd exclaimed, “I recognise that sound! It’s his 9th Symphony, backwards!”
Soon after, another said, “and that’s his 8th, backwards!”
After leaning closer to the grave to inspect this for himself, the Investigator straightened himself up, gave a soft chuckle, and said:
“Never fear, ladies and gentlemen! Beethoven’s just decomposing.”
Looking at his chart of suspects, he banged his fist against the wall, "It could be any one of these three!"
Then, a silhouetted figure spoke out, "It's suspect number 1."
"The one from Norte Dame? How can you be sure?"
Quasimodo then steps out of the shadows with a knife behind his back, "Let's just say that I've got a hunch."
Didn't see a dead body but I did witness a Murder...
Dad: Knock knock
Kid: Who's there
D: Investigator
K: Investigator who
D: I'll ask the questions if you don't mind
I guess we should put a BOUNTY on it.
A privateer.
(It's one to hold on to for September 19th!)
An investigator
Holmes and Watson are about to go out on an investigation. Before leaving, Watson says he needs to use the restroom. He goes in and 5 minutes pass, 10 minutes pass, 15 minutes pass. Finally Holmes goes to the door and asks if he's feeling constipated. Watson replies, "Yeah, no shit Sherlock!"
Because he is so over-Comey.
I must conduct an investigation
Officer: "What's left in the cashbox?"
Cashier: "Na-ching"
That's the power of compound interest.
Sherlock Ohms
I'm a nanny, the family I work for typically hang out for 10-30 minutes before the parents leave me and baby alone, just to chat and catch up, as well as to mitigate any potential meltdowns from a sudden leaving.
Anyway, Baby has started walking and is very keen to investigate everything. Yesterday he was headed straight to the electrical outlet. So I said to him, "oh no that's not a toy! Our fingers don't go there,"
Dad says, "baby disagrees"
"That's shocking."
Dad, "That's better than any dad joke I've come up with"
when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.
"Then you must come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.
"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here," said the man.
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, "I got a wife and six kids!"
"Bring them as well!", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "I'm most happy to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall."
If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?
I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.
If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?
China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.
I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?
I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.
I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.
I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"
I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".
If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?
If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?
My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.
I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.
Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.
Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.
You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"
A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p
... keep reading on reddit ➡The suspect allegedly put a Happy Meal toy into his victim's hamburger, choking him to death. One detective turned to the other and said, "Boy, I'm not sure what to do with this one - I've never had a knicknack patty whack before."
Investigator. Idk if it was posted I'm new here.
Polar bears in the wild will seek out holes in the ice in order to catch fish. So in order to catch a polar bear, you cut a good sized hole in the ice and to line the perimeter with sweet peas.
The bear will see the hole and come over to investigate. It will see the peas and become confused. This is your opportunity.
When the bear stops to take a pea, you jump out and kick it in the ice hole
An An investigator
An investigator
The evidence wasn't concrete.
An Investigator.
An investigator.
An investigator
An investigator
An investigator
Investigator!!
An investigator
An investigator
An investigator.
An investigator.
An Investigator
An investigator.
An investigator...
An investigator
An in-vest-a-gator (investigator)
An investigator
