A murder investigation or a murder investigating?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capndreww
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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A detective was investigating a murder. He soon found that the murder weapon was the bag of the murderer and it had their name on it.

It was a briefcase

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wingwang100
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Two police officers were investigating a murder scene.

They stumble upon a humanoid cement figure.

Officer 1: "Sir, we've found all the evidence we need to prove that this is the murderer's house."

Officer 2: "Why would anyone believe that this is evidence?"

Officer 1: "It's concrete."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_nOyOu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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Two policemen, an officer and a detective, are investigating a murder scene.

The officer says, "Huh. They left the bills, but took the coins. Any ideas, detective?"

The detective replies, "Just another centsless crime, officer."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Two cartoonists fought each other to death and the police are investigating

The details are pretty sketchy and the reports are saying it ended in a draw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BleakPenguin35
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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A police officer was investigating the theft of an attachΓ©.

The culprit was quickly found so you could say it was a very brief case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slap_the_teacakes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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The police are investigating the death of a man who was killed with a can of chickpeas.

It's an obvious case of hummuscide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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The New Zealand Police investigating another kind of ram-raid
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blumelon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.

They are looking for a cereal killer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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A detecrive was investigating a murder over at the Disney Palace

Looking at his chart of suspects, he banged his fist against the wall, "It could be any one of these three!"

Then, a silhouetted figure spoke out, "It's suspect number 1."

"The one from Norte Dame? How can you be sure?"

Quasimodo then steps out of the shadows with a knife behind his back, "Let's just say that I've got a hunch."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majike03
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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We're currently investigating a roll of paper towels for murder of a mysterious red liquid.

I guess we should put a BOUNTY on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonanza86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
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Two detectives were investigating an unusual murder at a McDonald's.

The suspect allegedly put a Happy Meal toy into his victim's hamburger, choking him to death. One detective turned to the other and said, "Boy, I'm not sure what to do with this one - I've never had a knicknack patty whack before."

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
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So I was investigating /r/unemployment to see if it was a thing...

...and my partner goes "are you sure it's working?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Man_Flute
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2014
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I asked my police officer friend if he had made any progress with the investigation into who stole all their internet cables.

He said: No, we haven't even got any leads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gubaxter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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My friend used to clean house for a famous singer-guitar player, til he died in 2016. She then became a police investigator...

She dusted for Prince now she's dusting for prints.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?

They had nothing to go on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ycarusbog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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How do Tree crime investigators start their investigation

They go to the ROOT of the problem

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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All London policemen have disappeared!

Investigators are out of Leeds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rintaro82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.

To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greggy_rabs
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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An investigation has been launched after a midget was pickpocketed earlier today.

Police are wondering how someone could stoop so low.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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What do you call a doctor that does yearly checkups?

A private investigator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecraigs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station

Investigators have nothing to go on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/javerthugo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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The president of the National Referees Association has been arrested for corruption.

Investigators haven't released the name of the whistle-blower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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I tell the FBI when I see two alligator siblings having sex.

I'm a gator-incest investigation instigator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reesem03_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Apparently there was a crime that happened on the airplane that led to the plane crashing into the ocean.

The police are trying to investigate to figure out how it all went down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?

You get an Investigator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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An American coronavirus investigator got sick and had to return from China

He was forensic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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Police were called to a day care to investigate a 3yo who was refusing to take a nap

They charged him with resisting a rest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoNun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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Vest ever pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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A pet shop selling dog products has been robbed.

Police have no leads to investigate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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What did the train conductor use to murder his ex-wife?

Investigators aren't sure yet, but they discovered he had a loco motive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeftClickMadness
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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What would you call Donald Duck if he became a private investigator?

A duck-tective!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NikitaSultoo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Someone stole my through-hole printed circuit board components and replaced them with surface mount. The police investigated..

But there are no leads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdSales
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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Did you hear about the guy who kept cutting down trees?

They tried to investigate the trees, but they were all stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notgayinathreeway
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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What's the difference between a Stalker and a Private Investigator?

The Private Investigator get's paid, and the stalker is pursuing his passion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaskedForGas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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(From my daughter) Who investigates toilet crimes?

The Poolice. It's their doody.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unbiasedasian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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After high school Farris Bueller became one of the most controversial FBI directors in recent memory after his investigation of a sitting president

The investigation was known as the "Bueller Report"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thylocine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Booty and the Beast
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ochipapo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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This investigation is nuts.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Billyb0bj03
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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I'm not very invested.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xdnewlun
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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HuaWei to hell
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheInfernoCheese
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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The investigators still didn't know who started the fire at the Notre Dame

But they had a hunch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andocas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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Two detectives were investigating a murder at a construction site

The evidence wasn't concrete.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DurgraxD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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What do you call an Alligator with a Vest on?

An Investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisimNight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Genomademe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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What do you call an alligator in a vest

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoTheF---AmI
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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