Have you ever heard of selective hearing?
I haven't
(Joke from my 14 year old son)
So, I’ve been hearing people talk about probiotics and how good they are for you. I don’t buy into it.
I guess you could say that I’m anti-biotic.
From my 11 year old daughter. Did you hear the one about the man with the broken hearing aids?
I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say .. 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made.'
What do they want a medal?
What do you call it when you feel like your hearing the same song over and over again
I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, “Can you describe the symptoms?” I replied, "Sure..."
“They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just won’t listen.
What did the watermelon say after hearing the song?
"Man, that was so meloncholy"
A man had a fetish for touching and hearing, one day his friend got mad and slapped and yelled at the man
He ended up coming to his senses
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, “You should go visit Italy in late August.”
..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.
Why should you always use hearing protection?
Because otherwise you need hearing aids
How long does it take to fix a hearing aid?
I submitted mine for repairs three weeks ago and I haven't heard a thing since then.
Does anyone know how long it takes to repair a hearing aid?
I sent mine away 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard anything since.
-Doc, I have hearing problems
-Could you describe the symptoms?
-Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy
Want to know how to sell a duck to someone who is hard of hearing?
I hope I never lose my hearing.
It would be ear replaceable.
Hearing loss.
https://preview.redd.it/el0b8g5ppsd51.png?width=532&format=png&auto=webp&s=ab5dcea74bed5f718e2302d61dee111ec7fda5ee
You know you're an adult when you look at the ceiling after hearing a dad joke
Have you heard the joke about the guy with the broke hearing aid?
What do you call someone with excellent hearing?
When I first heard the proposal to rename Oklahoma City after Ohio, I was confused as to why anyone would want that. But after hearing someone explain the logic behind it, I thought to myself:
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"
Inmate: It’s bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
Do you remember hearing your first dad joke? Is there one that has stuck with you through the years?
Mine was about 20 years ago, I was 17 at the time and going to my gf’s sisters house for dinner with her family. We brought some things to help with dinner. As we’re walking up to the house carrying the cookware, her dad looks back and says, “hey, now that you’re walking the wok, can you talk the talk?”. Not sure why but I’ll never forget that. Still makes me chuckle to this day. What’s yours?
Why does the author of Harry Potter always ROFL when hearing a joke?
Because she's Rowling on the floor with laughter
I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..
But then I'd have to kill you.
A son talks to his bad hearing dad
Son: I just watched Harry Potter, and that girl is so cute!
Dad: Watson?
I keep hearing Mission Control check in with Dragon Crew, asking "How do you read, over."
And I just KNOW if I were up there I would be physically unable to keep myself from responding "Dragon to Mission Control, I read with my eyes, over."
I wonder how many times before they airlock me.
A judge is hearing a case. 'The people V. United Parcel Service' and determines that the trucks area nuisance and a danger to the town. He decides to ban all their trucks from the town and calls his ruling:
'UPS Truck Shun of Justice'
After hearing about Tetris for so long, I decided to play.
For the first time in my life, everything is falling into place.
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. “State of the Art,” he said, “It cost me a fortune.”
I said, “Awesome. What type is it?”
He said, “ Two thirty.”
I'm tired of hearing people say that age is just a number
When it's clearly a word!
An old man was telling his friend about his new hearing aid, "the greatest in the world!" "You can hear a pin drop."
Friend: Wow! What kind is it?
Old man: quarter past 2.
My doctor told me that I am losing my hearing
I haven't heard from him since
After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher told me I should be tenor.
Tenor twelve feet away from her and all musical instruments at all times.
Yes, I'm a tailor who is a bit hard of hearing
We keep telling grandad to change his hearing aid
Who says, "Bugs, you stole my hearing aids?! You're despicable!"
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just won’t listen.
Did you hear the one about the guy who lost his hearing aids?
Went to my doctor and said I was having trouble with my hearing.
He asked: “can you describe the symptoms?”
I said: “sure, they’re yellow. Marge has blue hair and Homer’s really fat”.
Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair.
I've heard nothing since.
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"
Inmate: It’s bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I please finish my sentence?!
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?
I went to the doctor because I was having hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms ?", he asked.
I said "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair"
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
