What is the name of the new hearing clinic in town.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about that actress named Reese that got stabbed?

Man 2: Witherspoon?

Man 1: No; with a knife.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AntiNumbskull
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two friends named Doug that got in a fight and don’t talk anymore?

Now they’re both Doug-less

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skagbaronkris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Hmm... Pavlov... I've hear that name before...

It rings a bell

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imagoblinshark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks?

Bad minton.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/milchhmann
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the drummer who decided to name all his daughters the same name?

Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4.

πŸ‘︎ 230
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MusicianNerd26
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you ever hear that they named Canada pulling letters out of a hat?

The person drawing them said, "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gavinwride
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the collection of related network web resources identified with a common domain name that has nothing but quotes and their authors?

It's a web-cite.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
**Dad:** Hey M, did you hear about that kidnapping? (my little sisters name is Emma, everyone calls her M for short)

My Little Sister: No! What happened?!

Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.

My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES

Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.

My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?

Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)

I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN

Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?

Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!

My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!

Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.

My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.

Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.

My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.

  • I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.

  • I really love my family. Lol

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear the news an ape opened a tanning salon in Bangkok I know heard he named it β€œA Range Of Tans”
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElMichoacano
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you ever hear the name of the famous knight known to cut off the tips of his enemies penises?

Sir Cumcision

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PumpkinnKinng
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the girl named after table tennis equipment?

Anet.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HA1999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the story of how Canada was named?

Many years ago, all the elders came together to name their wonderful country. The elders argued for many days, and could not come to an agreement on the name. One brilliant elder came up with a great idea, they would put all the letters of the alphabet into a hat, pull them out, one at a time, and that's what the name of their new country would be.

Of course, the elder who came up with the idea was chosen to pull the letters out of the hat. Elder: C, eh. N, eh. D, eh

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reefay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
These jokes about which name you hear aren’t going to end Laurel time soon.
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaggington
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Reese what’s her name stabbed her husband?

Nope with a knife.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_tko
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man that misspelled a name on a headstone?

He made a grave mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CynicalSoup
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity?

That's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McCushAgin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the astronomer who lost the star naming contest?

He was given a constellation prize

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adryhanchurro
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear what the Mexican firefighter named his twin boys?

JosΓ© and Hose B

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/burny60
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the hero named Cliff?

He was quite LEDGEndary.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiligentCube6
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear 50 cent changed his name to 51 cents?

It was due to inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacPG
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Really sad to hear Stephen king died. But even sadder to hear his middle name was β€œHaw”
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbjectEra
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the name of the new, extremely tall female Transformer?

Amazon Prime

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/isarealboy13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new injectable drug named "Blasphemy"?

It lets you take Christ's name in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2017
🚨︎ report
I hear Denver's Defensive Coordinator is dyne to change his name...

to Pascal. He hopes to contain Cam Newton to a one meter square area.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flaspike
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Me: Did you hear about that actress getting stabbed to death last night? What's her name, Reese something or other?

Wife: Witherspoon? Me: No, with a knife.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunzerks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
When people hear our last name...

Dad is telling a story of when he was at work.

Coworker: "So how do you say your last name?"

Dad: "Nie- (14 letters in total, difficult to pronounce if you're not a Polish native)"

C: "Holy moly!"

D: "No, Nie- ... "

Not even that funny but when he told me the story over dinner I absolutely died. I <3 my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kouzmanovich
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the drummer who had twin daughters? He named them...

Anna 1, Anna 2.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iPackVegetables
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: Did you hear Reese β€˜whats-her-name’ stabbed somebody?

Kids: Witherspoon? Me: No, with a knife.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoryK00
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear how the named Canada? Someone was pulling letters out of a hat...

"C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?

πŸ‘︎ 978
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hornwalker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2015
🚨︎ report
"My dad got me with this one: 'Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.'”
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshleyJack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
A local circus caught fire today

It was in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TopperMadeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name?

Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the drummer that gave all his daughters the same name?

Anna1,Anna2,Anna3,Anna4

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King-Titus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
🚨︎ report

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