An investigation into the January 6th Capitol insurrection is not coup with Republicans.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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A murder investigation or a murder investigating?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capndreww
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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I asked my police officer friend if he had made any progress with the investigation into who stole all their internet cables.

He said: No, we haven't even got any leads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gubaxter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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How do Tree crime investigators start their investigation

They go to the ROOT of the problem

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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An investigation has been launched after a midget was pickpocketed earlier today.

Police are wondering how someone could stoop so low.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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After high school Farris Bueller became one of the most controversial FBI directors in recent memory after his investigation of a sitting president

The investigation was known as the "Bueller Report"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thylocine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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This investigation is nuts.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Billyb0bj03
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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There's only one traffic sign that informs you and launches an investigation

Stop, A head!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InspectorBugNuts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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What does a private investigator call a short investigation?

A briefcase

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2016
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I hear they're re-opening the investigation into the Black Dahlia murder

The lead investigator was asked if it would be difficult to solve and he said "You don't know the half of it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OpabiniaGlasses
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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What do you call when a cow that helps an investigation?

Cow tipping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikolaizombie1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
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Have you guys heard about the police investigation into the death of a chickpea?

It was a hummus-ide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kizman123456789
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
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Everyone asked Robert Mueller to hurry up with the investigation..

He replied, "Quit Russian me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gorogogo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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How does Rick Astley separate himself from an investigation?

He tells the investigators that he will Rick-use himself from the investigation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalkingDown46
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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The first hurdle of a journalists investigation.

An ex policeman turned construction worker has been arrested. He is believed to of been in charge of a ring of cowboy workers. They were going around farms constructing stables, these stables had many faults-including many falling under strong head winds. We asked the man what his title with the police was? He replied "chief con-stable".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghost_Brain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2014
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Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.

The police think it's race-related.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elwheelio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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Using only the letters L H U T S E, how do you tell an investigator to hurry up?

Hustle, Sleuth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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Recently I've been doing some investigative journalism on hammers..

It's some real hard hitting stuff..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Did you hear about the farmer that just got sentenced for killing his neighbors cow?

After a quick investigation, the Prosecutor was able to turn it into a brief case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dandie_Lion
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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What do you call an alligator that wants to become a detective?

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hendriklopez
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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My friend used to clean house for a famous singer-guitar player, til he died in 2016. She then became a police investigator...

She dusted for Prince now she's dusting for prints.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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A detective was investigating a murder. He soon found that the murder weapon was the bag of the murderer and it had their name on it.

It was a briefcase

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wingwang100
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?

They had nothing to go on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ycarusbog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Two police officers were investigating a murder scene.

They stumble upon a humanoid cement figure.

Officer 1: "Sir, we've found all the evidence we need to prove that this is the murderer's house."

Officer 2: "Why would anyone believe that this is evidence?"

Officer 1: "It's concrete."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_nOyOu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.

To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greggy_rabs
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.

Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions?

An INVESTigator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bronzeaardvark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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A man was poisoned after eating an appetizer at a local restaurant.

Police are investigating a possible hummus side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Police were called to a day care to investigate a 3yo who was refusing to take a nap

They charged him with resisting a rest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoNun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?

Investigator

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Two policemen, an officer and a detective, are investigating a murder scene.

The officer says, "Huh. They left the bills, but took the coins. Any ideas, detective?"

The detective replies, "Just another centsless crime, officer."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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An American coronavirus investigator got sick and had to return from China

He was forensic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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Vest ever pun
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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What would you call Donald Duck if he became a private investigator?

A duck-tective!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NikitaSultoo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Two cartoonists fought each other to death and the police are investigating

The details are pretty sketchy and the reports are saying it ended in a draw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BleakPenguin35
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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What's the difference between a Stalker and a Private Investigator?

The Private Investigator get's paid, and the stalker is pursuing his passion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaskedForGas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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Someone stole my through-hole printed circuit board components and replaced them with surface mount. The police investigated..

But there are no leads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdSales
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station

Investigators have nothing to go on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/javerthugo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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All London policemen have disappeared!

Investigators are out of Leeds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rintaro82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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(From my daughter) Who investigates toilet crimes?

The Poolice. It's their doody.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unbiasedasian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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HuaWei to hell
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheInfernoCheese
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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A police officer was investigating the theft of an attachΓ©.

The culprit was quickly found so you could say it was a very brief case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slap_the_teacakes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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There was a suspicious β€˜accident’ at a construction site. The police investigated all the workers at the job site . . .

It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.

Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty_Entendre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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What do you call alligator in a vest?

Investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spaude6
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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What do you call an alligator interested in detective work?

An INVESTIGATOR

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhysicsPurple
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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What do you call an alligator that wants to be a detective?

An investigator

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bakedlogik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LongDecision1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Two detectives were investigating a murder at a construction site

The evidence wasn't concrete.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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