So two wind turbines are standing in a field when one asks the other ‘what kind of music do you like?’
The second replies ‘I’m a big metal fan’
Courtesy of my 10 year old!
When people ask me if i've always been in the IT industry, i tell them "No, i used to be a diesel fitter."
"I worked at a factory that made women's undergarments, and i stood at the end of the line. Every time a pair came down, id put them on my head and say dees'l fit'r."
An alcoholic wakes up in jail and asks the nearest officer why he's there
"For excessive drinking" the officer replies
So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
So I had a classmate in chemistry ask what would happen if we were to use gamma rays to cook food, so I said...
It would give a whole new meaning to nuking your food
A guy stopped me in the street the other day to ask why I was carrying a 9ft book.
I said "It's a long story".
I finished reading Bon Jovi’s biography and had the wonderful chance to ask him if he actually did the stuff in his biography.
He just shrugged and said it’s my life
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
When my grandkids ask, "Grandpa, how did you survive in 2020 when there was no toilet paper?"
I'm going to try them, "We had go outside & drag our butts across the lawn. ( Like the dog does on the carpet.)
Up hill!
Both ways!!!"
"I need a bar built in my garden," I told my friend in the pub. "But I don't know who to ask."
"Well," he replied, "I'll do it if you pay me £400."
So I gave him £400, and he said, "Right, I'll start asking around."
A priest in the woods has been attacked by a pack of wolves. In a moment of desperation, the priest started to ask God how to get out of this situation.
The wolves may be predators but he pray
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, “What’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,
Everybody asks me how I got from Iraq to Afghanistan back in 2007...
But no one believes me when I say Iran.
^(For everyone confused, Iran is in between Iraq and Afghanistan on a map.)
Chad asks his friend, "What would happen if all the women in the world disappeared?"
His friend replied, "That would be a pain in the ass."
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks “What are you counting?”
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
I was in McDonald's and I ask the worker how much for a big mac and fries
She said she didn't know, so I said roughly.
So in a deep voice she said "I DON'T KNOOOOW"
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
A man asks a police officer if it’s a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes
Officer: “Yes, that’s assault!”
Man: “I know it’s a salt, but is it a crime?”
It's the opposite day and my friend challenges me in tic tac toe. when it's his turn, he grabs the pencil by his foot. I ask him why and he responds:
"I'm playing the toe tactic"
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks “why should I hire you?” The applicant responded “I have a special talent!”
“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked “who is he?”
The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?"
His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
A pirate with a ship’s wheel in his pants walks into a bar. The bartender can’t help but ask about it.
The pirate replies, “Arrgh, it’s driving me nuts!”
So my wife and I were singing the song “The farmer in the dell” to our daughter. My wife looks at me and asks “What’s a dell?”
To which I responded: a British pop singer
Then came the eye roll
Zuul asks Peter Venkman if he wants to wreck up a city and toast marshmallows in the flames.
Venkman says, "Nah, I'm not a big marshmallow guy."
So I was out at the museum with my daughter today and got the ultimate dad joke in. Employee asks kids "Does anyone know the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?"
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?
Daughter groaned, employee laughed, other dad's nodded approvingly.
Making my morning rounds in hospital when I ask a patient how his breakfast was. "The eggs and sausage were fine, but the Kentucky Jelly was awful," he replied. "What 'Kentucky Jelly'?" I ask.
Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender asks him what's with the steering wheel? He replies...
"Arghhh, I don't know but it's been drivin' me nuts all day"
People ask me where do I see myself in 5 years?
I tell them in a mirror silly. How else will I be able to see myself.
A woman asks her husband in the morning regarding breakfast.......
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.
At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".
Son: "Dad I know you're an English teacher, but can I ask you the date in Roman Numerals?"
Dad: "I think you mean May I"
Every time I visit my Dad in St. Louis, he walks into the room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong...
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
Scrooge awakens in the night to an apparition; he asks: “Who are you?” His dead gastroenterologist responds:
“I am the ghost of gasses passed.”
"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
I hate when people ask where i see my self in 3 years
How should i know, i don't have 2020 vision.
So i was just talking to my dad and he asks me if the sunroof in my new car leaks, i told him no.
He says "thats good because then it would be a rain roof"....
I was in an elevator with my wife when a couple entered with their kids. I went out of my way to ask what floor they were going up to so I could push the button for them.
I wanted to prove to my wife that I was serious about raising a family.
There’s a guy in a European airport, and he sees a man carrying a ten foot metal pole. He asks the guy, “Are you a pole vaulter?”
The man says, “Actually, I’m German, but how did you know my name is Walter?”
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend “Why I have to change my position every time?”
He replies “I know, this sub is full of reposts”
Driving down the road, listening to Disney songs. I look in my rear view mirror. My two-year-old is grooving. I ask her, "Aw, are you dancing?" And she replies,
Two wind turbines are standing in a field and one asks the other ‘what kind of music do you like?’
The other replies ‘Well, I’m a big metal fan.’
Two wind turbines stood in a field one wind turbine asks the other wind turbine "What type of music do you like?" The other wind turbine replies..
2 windmills are in a field. One asks: "What kind of music do you like?"
The other responds: "Well, I'm a big metal fan".
"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
Every time I visit my dad in St. Louis, he will walk into a room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong.
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants. The bartender asks “Do you realize you have a steering wheel in your pants?”
The pirate replies, “ Arrrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
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