In fact they're catastrophies.

...but let's not mince words.

Becoming vegetarian was a huge missed steak.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

So I said lettuce eat.

Which one should I pick:

Snape kills Dumbledore or Luke, Darth Vader is your father or ???

I said that I didn’t feel tempted to do so et. al

..that's mature.

but it was a gouda tempt

Helped my son move and left the U-Haul back door open when empty; didn’t want to tempt anyone from thinking something was in it. He said what if they steal the light?

More power to them I said.

I didn’t even catch my own joke. He had to point it out. He’s got a great future ahead of him.

I run a DnD game and am very bad at puns. Like all good writers, though, I thought of a character name that made me laugh and have decided to build a personality around it.

Basically he's a surfer bro nazi. Militantly chill. He's a villain in the game but will hopefully read as still kinda tempting to party with. The only thing I've been able to come up with that has any promise whatsoever is "Third Reichteous."

Thank you, reddit angels

It was a tempted murder.

It's a tempted murder.

I thought, "That's tempting."

A tempted murder

When we dial in and enter our conference code, it then says, "after the tone, please say your name, followed by the pound sign." I am always tempted to say, obviously, "your name, followed by the pound sign." It being a professional office and all, I can never bring myself to do it. But in this "dad jokes" forum, I think I found my home. Thanks everyone!