Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Please don’t resort to violins and anger if you don’t notice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/koukasen_np
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Physicists are playing hide and seek in the afterlife. It's Einstein turn to seek. He counts to 100, turns around and notices Newton in a 1m*1m square. Hah, Newton, I found you!

See Einstein, the problem here is that you discovered Pascal!

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsozso01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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Notice me

Sin Ο€

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.

She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:

Icy, what you did there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Our cooking teacher gave us a notice about the part of our upcoming exam where we'd be working with cheese wheels...

"It'll be grated on a curve."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?

Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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If you notice cows sleeping in a field...

Does it mean it’s pasture bedtime?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Anyone else notice

the Supreme Court has been more Ruthless than normal?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilmadiqfit2266
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I stood, rubbing a piece of plywood that was leaning against the wall, waiting for someone to notice.

β€œWhat are you doing, dad?”

I sigh a long, heavy sigh.

β€œNot much, just feeling board.”

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever notice how there aren’t many people named Lance these days?

Back in medieval times people used to be named Lancelot.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robotwoine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Notice the hand gesture [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sappydayz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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A man takes his seat at a football world cup final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.

MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"

GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
You ever notice how few Deloreans you see on the road?

I guess their owners only drive them from time to time.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrambledeggsalad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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Guy walks into a bar and notices pieces of meat hanging from the cieling.

He asks the bartender about it and the bartender says that if someone can jump up and touch one of the pieces of meat on their first try then they will get free drinks there for life. However, if they try and can’t do it, they have to buy everyone’s drinks for the rest of the night. The bartender asks the guy if he’s willing to try it and the guy says β€œno, the steaks are too high”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tugboattt
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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Farmers notice : Public access to this field and footpath is free.

.. But the Bull charges.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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A Father notices his daughter eating Edamame.

Dad: What are you eating?

Girl: Edamame

Dad: Eddie... what?

Girl: Soybeans

Dad: Hola Beans! Soy Dad

...lo siento.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mohawk_ADE
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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I wonder how many people did not notice that "pun intended" is itself a pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CorruptedAI
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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If you notice a terrible smell that you're familiar with...

Did you reekognize it?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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How do you get your wife to notice you?

Sit on a couch and look comfortable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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Tim worked in a brewery until one day he was fired without notice....

So he went to his boss's office and said, Budweiser?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freewillson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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Time flies. I barely notice! [OC]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluechoot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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What did the yoga instructor say in response to the eviction notice?

NamastΓ©

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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You ever notice how George Washington only got a big stick, and everyone else got huge memorials? I guess that's why they call it the Washington Post.
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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Did you ever notice when geese fly in a 'V', one side is longer? Want to know why?

There's more geese on that side.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kpcent
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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Thor’s brother once walked into a bar, but the bartender didn’t notice....

He was low-key

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stor_e_teller
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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If you ever go to Moscow you will notice there is always a sense if urgency on the streets

Because everyone there is Russian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pockets-sandy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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Ever notice bankers tend to keep to themselves?

They're loaners by nature.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavideoandPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.

"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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My wife drops me off in front of a restaurant in our Land Rover. Another patron notices the car and says, β€œThat must have been an expensive uber.”

To which I replied: β€œtell me about it. I’ve been with her for 20 years.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mckaneorg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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A man is sitting at a bar when he notices a turtle near the register. It is covered with bandages ....

and not moving. "So uh, what's the deal with the dead turtle?" he asks. The barkeep perks up, "Dead? you say? I'll have you know that this is the fastest turtle on Earth!" "In fact, I have fifty dollars that say **this** turtle can beat **you** to the other side of the room!" The man looks at the motionless turtle and says, "Alright - Your on!" "on the count of three" says the bartender. "one" "two" "three!" and he picks up the turtle and throws it across the room.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you all notice you have to pay for air now at the gas station?

It’s because of inflation

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808guamie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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I got another letter from a lawyer today that read final notice!

I'm glad he won't be bothering me anymore!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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What do you call it when someone notices that you farted?

An ass-toot observation

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billmilk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
The Ancient Romans could have known Jesus was coming if they had taken the time to notice the years were counting down backwards
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mevenstarchesso
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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I can't bearlieve it. Also notice that the place is called Bear Grills.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoNamedBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Me: I got a notice in the mail that something is wrong with my vehicle.

Friend: Did you get it fixed?

Me: No

Friend: Why not?

Me: I don't recall

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fujiinki
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!

Home is where the heart is.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an eviction notice for a person who lives inside a ball-shaped house and got hurt by a fighting move

a roundhouse kick

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unoriginalname127
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t people notice Eminem’s hidden messages?

He has them under-raps

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeyMorf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If you’re trying to get a woman to notice you, then don’t buy any farming equipment.

It won’t be enough to a tractor attention.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever notice that in 'The Simpsons,' Homer choking Bart is a recurring gag?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dweebnut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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I had to use tortillas while making an Indian recipe, but nobody seemed to notice.

It seems my guests were naan the wiser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Comma-Kazie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive women waving at him

He's taken aback because he can't seem to remember where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind takes him back to the one time that he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.

"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with a celery?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly "No, I'm your son's teacher."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limsy37
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender...

"Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day," the cowboy says.

The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hangin'."

"The hangin'? Who are they hangin'? Anybody I'd know?"

"Brown Paper Pete," says the bartender.

"Never Heard of him. Why do they call him Brown Paper Pete?" the cowboy asks.

"Well," says the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, a brown paper vest, and brown paper shoes."

"Well I don't reckon I know anyone like that," says the cowboy. "What're they hangin' him for?"

"Rustlin'" says the bartender.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wgwalkerii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
An Italian notices that his lawn is full of weeds. He exclaims,

MILAN!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeaAndBubbles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If you notice cows sleeping in a field

does that mean it's pasture bedtime?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TroyExplores
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don’t notice it when you replace random words with musical instruments.
πŸ‘︎ 256
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreninjaTube
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report

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